Friday, December 12, 2008

Ang Laban natin, mga Isko at Iska ng UPDEPP.

From:                                     

kabesang tales

 

Date:                           12/12/2008 7:58 pm

 

Subject:                       Ang Laban natin, mga Isko at Iska ng UPDEPP.

 

Message:                   Ang Laban natin, mga Isko at Iska ng UPDEPP.

 

 

HI! salamat naman at babasahin mo 'to. Di masasayang oras mo pramis!

Maraming usapin ngayon ang kinakaharap nating mga estudyante ng UPDEPP. Siempre nangunguna na yung TOFI. Tapos walang dorm - delikado kaya sa mga boarding houses lalo na na nasa checkpoint ang mga boarding house. Lugar yun ng mga maiingay na bars na maraming kano at GRO. Wala rin tayong canteen - madumi sa flints saka di naman tamang lugar yun ng kainan. Yung ibang mga orgs walang tambayan. Kulang yung mga rooms. Walang sariling lugar para sa mga events. Sa lobby lang tayo ganon? Wala rin tayong sariling PUBLICATION. Under nga tayo sa Diliman pero may mga sariling issues at events rin tayo. Di sapat yung KULE para sa atin. Kung nga yung ibang colleges sa Diliman may publication. Dapat meron din tayo. Paraan to upang magkaisa tayo at mamulat sa mga usapin tungkol sa atin, mga Iskolar ng bayan. Marami pang mga issues ang UPDEPP, at hindi lang ang UPDEPP pero lahat ng UP units meron. Pero PEACEFUL dito sa Pampanga, di ba? Maraming issues pero marami din tayong walang pakielam.

Eh pano na yung mga apektado ng TOFI? Mga gustong magaral sa UP pero di na nakapagaral dahil sa taas ng tuition. Di na nga masyadong matunog ngaun ang issue ng TOFi sa UPDEPP. Siempre marami na ang sumangayon na lang kung anong meron(?) Oo nga ikaw nakakapagaral at natatamasa ang edukasyon sa prestihiyosong unibersidad. Pano yung iba? at pano ang mga kasalukuyang nagaaral sa UPDEPP at sa kahit saang UP na hindi alam kung saan kukuha ng susunod na pangtuition? tsk. tsk. tsk. Karapatan natin 'to! Karapatan natin ang mataas na kalidad na edukasyon na 'to. Mapalad na rin tayo dito sa UPDEPP dahil wala tayo masyadong binabayarang kung ano-anong fees. (electric fees) Ke dito lang ang issue o sa kahit saang UP pa, kailangan nating makielam, makisama sa pagkilos, makisama sa kampanya.

Ang pinakamatinding issue ngayon ay ang SR REFERENDUM. WApaK! kailangan nating mapanalo 'to. Laban! Nanganganib kase na baka wala ng Student Regent next year o baka iappoint nlang ng Malacanang kapag di nanalo ang referendum.

Ano ba ang SR?

Student Regent - siya ang kaisa-isang representante ng lahat ng UP students (systemwide) sa Board of Regents.

Ang Board of Regents - ang highest policy making body ng UP. (kumbaga sa Corporation, Board of Directors) Boses natin ang Student Regent sa Board of Regents.

Sa bagong UP Charter kase kailangan daw iratified ng (50% + 1) - mahigit kalahati sa 52, 000 UP Students ang Codified Rules on Student Regent Selection (CRSRS) sa pamamagitan ng referendum.

Mekanismo to ng administrasyon para mahirapan tayong magtalaga ng Student Regent. Kailangan nating magka-isa! SAMA-SAMANG PAGKILOS MGA ISKO AT ISKA!

ANO NA LANG MANGYAYARI KUNG WALA NG SR? HAMON SA'TIN 'TO MGA ISKOLAR! PA'NO NA MARIRINIG ANG BOSES NATIN? PANO MAIPAGLALABAN ANG KARAPATAN NATIN KUNG WALANG PUMOPROTEKTA AT SUMOSOPORTA SA ATING MGA KARAPATAN SA PINAKAMATAAS NA KAPULUNGANG NAGSASAGAWA NG POLISIYA SA UNIBERSIDAD? MABABAGO ANG KASAYSAYAN PAG NATALO TAYO! LABAN NATIN 'TO! MAKIISA TAYO.

KAILANGANG MAISAGAWA NA BUONG POPULATION NG UPDEPP AY BUMOTO SA PAGSANGAYON SA REFERENDUM. MALIIT MAN ANG ATING POPULASYON MALAKI NA ANG MAGAGAWA!

Simple lang naman ang kailangan mong gawin. Makialam. Makinig. At bumoto sa pagkapanalo ng referendum. Malapit na 'yon. Ipagkalat mo ang balita! aasahan kita...

***(P.S. by Helena) I received this message in my Friendster account. And for some reason I cannot trace whom it came from. Kaya kung sino ka naman… kabesang tales: isang pagpupugay sa mga sinabi mo. maraming salamat.

Maraming pagkakataon na minsan ay gusto ko ng panghinaan ng loob. Pero hanggat may mga bagay na dapat baguhin at pagbutihin, hinding hindi nakakasawang magsilbi lalo’t lalo nang may mga estudyanteng tulad mo na magiging karamay ko kasama ng aking konseho sa ating mga susunod pang pagdadaanan.  

UPDEPP:  kakayananin  natin lahat ng ito. Magtatagumpay rin tayo.

Mga iskolar ng bayan: Makialam. Tumindig. Umaksyon

Saturday, October 4, 2008

my CP got stolen!

hello. my cp got stolen, so please disregard incoming messages from 09179697253. if you have the time, effort, and willingness, kindly PM me your contact numbers. i'll reach you as soon as i can. thank you. ingat. God bless.

 

- helena

 

p.s. ill purchase a new globe sim tom.hehe.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

"bulong"

"For the youth and for the truth that we continuously fight for."


Last night, My brother and I went to Fully Booked Global City to watch Joaquin Valdez's movie screening of bulong. My brother was invited by Joaquin two days ago when we were in orange segment. Luckily, my brother thought of tagging me along for experience and to meet people.

Bulong is a version fantasy short film (about 30 minutes) of the allegory of the cave. It is about Lucio who is working for a "system" that is full of uncertainty. Then as he works, he hears voices (bulong) that he listens too but has hesitations if he should follow it.

Comments:

Plus:

- Good lighting.
-Simple script.
-Great message.
-Mind boggler.



Minus:
- Long intro.
- Inhibitions about the lead actor being a reflection of a Pilipino.
- Lack of emphasis in the peak of the movie.
- Inconsistent transition.


.... to be continued....

** The movie is not recommend to little kids who may not easily get the message. Like last night, they were a number of young kids who has no idea of the movie.

Oh yeah, i was wondering who the cute and tall guy in front of me. Then i remembered when i looked in the guest book. It was melvin abundo, the kid (few years ago) in 5 and up. so cool. he was my crush then.

Celebrity sightings:
- LJ Moreno.
- UP law school guy
- A pba basketball player
- Lougie Himoya ( don't know)
and other more.

... to be continued


***

April 11, 2008

- first day of classes
- argument if to continue with summer classes
- seeing chris de venencia
-dinner with ivan (what?!)









Sunday, April 6, 2008

Dinner in Cabalen with Pioneers.




KTV with Pioneers (Kyung Hee University Students)




Yesterday by Beatles
Sung by Woong (Arnold)
April 1, 2008
SM Clark

last day with Kyung Hee University Students V




April 5 2008
White House
Korea House Garden

with Kyung Hee University Students IV




April 4, 2008
Practice for cultural night.
The White House

Subic trip with Kyung Hee University Students III




April 3, 2008
SCTEX
Subic.

with Kyung Hee University Students II




April 02, 2008
UPDEPP
Halo-Halo in Chowking
picture picture.
Quantum.
Dinner in Cabalen.
3-6-9 in the Bayanihan Park.

with Kyung Hee University Students I




April 01, 2008

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

so un-me

i want a boyfriend. promise. at this very moment i am craving for a boyfriend. someone i can call my partner. someone. someone i could have endless conversations. someone i am and can be happy with.
maybe being hurt with ivan have exhausted all the love in me. i need love. i am craving for it. i need love badly. but despite this need, i am not crazy and stupid to get into a relationship right now. all i know is i want to experience being in love. damn! why do i feel so empty!

***

who would ever thought that i would be able to mingle with koreans. hay. so surreal.
i feel so not myself.. trying to please them and all. i'm feeling so insecure right now. and i feel so superficial. i seem not myself. maybe because i don't feel good about myself at this very moment. with my blemished face because of last semesters stresses. oh! also, i know that i do not fit their standard of beauty. omg! this sucks. i like one of the koreans. he is gentleman and all. i don't know.
i feel so insecure. hate this. hate this feeling.


***

i'm going to redeem myself. i would lose the extra pounds i gain during the past 3 weeks. go back to the derma. and go back to my dentist.

Oh GOd, please fill me.. help me.. i need to feel good about myself. i'm irritated to myself.

***

see you in subic!
we are going there tomorrow.!
:-)

Sunday, March 30, 2008

*smiles*

***
Marlon
Posted
document.write(fMakeDate("2008-03-29 02:34:10","-8","%M%M/%D%D/%y%y%y%y %h:%m%m %a"));
03/29/2008 6:34 pm
hi ang gnda mo mnan sa pix lalo na kpgnka smile

www.friendster.com/helainz


***To whoever you are who made this comment. You made me smile. You made find compliments in myself eventhough i feel bloated and insecure this past few days. thank you. i am redeeming myself after a terrible heartbreak. with your comment, i had a starter.. a buzz. a reminder that i am someone. watch out. i'm coming back. better. hotter. smarter.

*smiles*

P.S. I never thought my smile was something.

*smiles*

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Happiness does come with a price.*

Have you ever felt that "feeling" where you feel so happy..in the state of utter bliss. realizing that after all the happiness. .. you suddenly feel lost.. alone..and confused..I hate that feeling for i know that after a few moments..or hours.. there would be something that would pissed me off. And i never to be right.

Happy things yesterday (march 12, 2008)
- halo-halo
-i had the same birthday as ate kate
- i just felt happy
-kiligs because of the attention of erwin
-summer plans

Hate things
-econ 151 leakage
-educational parasites
-bm 141 company study; i now became responsible for the paper
-still hasnt reviewed for econ 131

soon i will be able to blog properly. after the finals.. the hell weeks. soon.after 2 weeks. i would have my free time..

*Carla (my dorm mate) said that a line from the song Cats and Mouse by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus interprets this.

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Nothing last forever.

***I am a blog ninja. Here is a very truthful and very close statements that i am currenly relating to right now. I got this entry from my cousin angela.

nothing lasts forever.
even the planet earth has its end.
nothing is infinite.
the closest you can get to forever is a lifetime.
but life's too short.and nothing or no one has experienced it.

"sana nameet nalang natin ung guy na gusto talaga natin when we're old enough to get married..kasi for sure, this won't last..madami pang pagdadaanan so malamang you won't end up with the person you're with right now.."*

so with this said, we find every way possible to make it last.
it's so hard to adjust to changes.
I know that change is inevitable but it's of human nature to try to stop it.

nothing lasts forever, but we always try. And I just can't help but wonder
why we let it pass us by. forget the RISKS...take the FALL...if its what u
WANT...then its worth it ALL.

and though we're in denial that somehow, there's a possibility that it can last for eternity, we must never forget to snap back to reality. nothing is forever..

-ooOoo-

* this was my excuse why i didn't accept another chance between me and ivan. i want him in my future. i don't want him to be my past.

downshifting

***i came across this new term downshifting.. and gladly my friend jiro from la salle shared this to me (actually he was asking for help for his paper). and now at least i have an idea. anyhow, this was a great read.. the word.. new carrer move..



from: http://lalaineb.multiply.com/journal/item/13

my name is lalaine. And I am a downshifter.

9.30 am at Starbuck’s. I inhale the invigorating smell of freshly-brewed coffee as I sift thoughtfully through my e-mails with my newfound friend, pseudo-office and constant companion, my laptop. Thank goodness for Wi-Fi! The barista’s go about preparing their shop for the day. A few friendly ‘good mornings’ here and there, acknowledge the ‘regular’ at the far end of the ‘no smoking’ section. It’s a weekday and darn it, I can actually believe that I’m sitting here.

What was that cliché? Stop and smell the roses? My life today actually gives a new spin to that – stop and smell the latté. It’s been just over a year since I reached point break in what was the professional rat race, and half a year since I decided to step out of an amazingly stressful career, which was squeezing the life out of my family and me, to take the plunge into the unknown –

My name is Lalaine and I’m a downshifter. I have chosen a path less traveled, allowing myself to shift into lower gear from what was otherwise a successful professional life, but one that required humongous sacrifice and made me question my priorities. Downshifting? It provides me comfort and confidence to know that there is such a term, and that other people have done it successfully. Downshifting, it seems, is slowly, but surely, becoming a global phenomenon, expanding people’s lifestyle choices. So these days, it’s not anymore about being in the rat race, as opposed to being retired, versus being a homebody.

I was so surprised to see a documentary on the subject in the Korean satellite channel, Arirang, where they have featured ‘downshifters’ in Korea, the UK and other European countries. Among the people featured were a high-flying multinational business director who set up his own small-scale enterprise to be within a more family-oriented and friendly environment, a Korean couple who left their careers to open a charming coffee shop in the mountains, a fledgling fashion designer who opted to rough it out on her own, and a Senior Manager of British Rail who turned to farming in his backyard after his demanding career costed him a divorce and the life of his daughter.

Why are people downshifting? Are these just extreme situations? In the world today a lot of people are driven by forces, which inexorably control their lives. For a good deal of us, including my previous self, personal success and financial stability meant giving in to the powerful corporate machine – churning and weaving, brusquely spinning people’s lives around, in exchange for fame and fortune. To climb the multinational hierarchy, one must inevitably put his and his family’s fate at the mercy of the company. Power, money and accolades have a high price. Highly stressful work conditions driven by total commitment, irregular hours, incessant traveling and short and long-term postings in different countries, these are standard operating conditions which take their toll on one’s life and relationships.

And as people mature, when the youthful thirst for personal validation has been sated, a certain level of security and stability has been achieved, and the claws of the corporate machine won’t release you for some much needed breathing space, you look at your life and start asking yourself – Is this what I want my life? Is my work worth giving up my family and personal life for? Is this all there is to it? Does this define who I am?

I feel very fortunate to have had the opportunity to choose, because downshifting is not for everybody, and certainly not for the fainthearted. As the documentary so rightly pointed out, a person would need a strong constitution, emotional readiness and a certain level of financial stability, (and of course guidance from the BIG BOSS up there), to ease the process. Downshifting means a major departure from one’s comfort zone – you live the same type of life for over a decade and surely a total change in your focus, routine and priorities, would cause ‘withdrawal symptoms’.

The first month was the most difficult for me. Here I am, used to my 9 to 5, sitting at home on my first Saturday out of my ex-company, with nowhere specific to go. As predictable as the type ‘A’ personality that I am, I have tried to put some familiarity in my new routine. I would get up the same time in the morning, put on my suit, and conduct my business, wherever it is in town, with the same obsessed attitude that worked for me before. But I have seen myself eventually transforming and relaxing. Now I enjoy varying my schedule and venues. Work could mean my new office, Starbuck’s (if I needed some creative stimulation) and home, and I would not have any difficulties (nor guilt) in having a totally mixed workday that included meetings, swimming lessons for the boys, coffee with a friend, a work-out at the gym, and a midnight snack while editing with my hubby.

But perhaps that was the easiest part; the hardest was feeling a certain loss of self in the beginning. I now have to start from the bottom of my new chosen career, dealing with new people and it was quite frustrating. There used to be a time when I could command a professional audience in hundreds with an excellent presentation, when I only needed to mention my name to get who I need on the phone, or when I did not need to lift a finger for small tasks, because I had people to do it for me. This time, nobody knew me, and nobody knew that I am good. I realized then how spoiled I was in my previous situation, how self-centered. This was a very humbling experience, not a loss of self, but a pinch to my ego. I now realize, that it was in my previous selfish career, where I have, indeed, lost a part of myself. A friend told me, “You don’t need the validation, because you already had that.” And I have to agree.

I am happier, healthier and a better mother than I used to be, perhaps an even better person. My patience and energy, which used to be depleted in the office, now have better use. I have time for my family and myself, and I have found new friends along the way. Although there are still some curious little things I miss from my previous life – interacting with the interesting people I have met in different countries, the muffled sound of barely understandable European languages as background in meetings, the slightly-citrus scent of freshly ‘popped’ Möet Chandon wafting in a stuffy airline cabin, and the simple act of traveling, which I used to hate. But as I look at my boys now, I am very certain that I have given up that past life for something so much better.

Yes, I still enjoy working; I am still driven and have ambitions to achieve. But my aspirations are now a lot more meaningful as I have put my life into perspective. Just the other day, a close friend of mine joked, “When I grow up, I want to be you.” I had to laugh at that one. No, I’m not yet there. My life is still a work in progress. But I’m pretty positive that the best is yet to come.

My name is Lalaine, and I’m a downshifter. And I’m so glad that I am one.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

burn out

i am so consumed. ..
with acads..
with bm 105..
company proposal..
with election issues..
with ivan..

what to do?!
what to do?!

i'll know.,,.
i'll know,.,

burn out

i am so consumed. ..
with acads..
with bm 105..
company proposal..
with election issues..
with ivan..

what to do?!
what to do?!

i'll know.,,.
i'll know,.,

some qoutes...

Some inspiring quotes from SEX and the City!

1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
3. If you have ANY doubt in your mind about a man's character, leave him alone.
4. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
5. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
6. Don't force an attraction.
7. Slower is better.
8. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
9. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
10. Have faith in God regarding your relationship, but don't let faith make you stupid. God does things decent and in order.

11. Don't settle.
12. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
13. If he keeps changing his mind about the relationship--take that as a BIG sign that he is unstable. Do you really want to be with a man like that?

14. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

15. Honorable men take care of their business and aren't involved in a whole lot of mess.
16. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
17. There's only one 'reason' a man dumps you; he doesn't want you.
18. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

19. You really do have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince.
20. Always put yourself and your happiness first.
21. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
22. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
23. If he doesn't call, he just isn't that interested.
24. Be honest and upfront.
25. Know when to cut the cord, don't be strung along.
26. Don't fall for the "I'm confused role". Remove yourself from the situation to let him figure things out (but don't wait for him, move on).

27. If you want to have a clue as to how he will treat you, watch how he treats the WOMEN in his family (not just mom).
28. There's more than physical abuse, there's emotional and mental abuse. If he causes any of them...flee.
29. You cannot change a man's behaviors. Change comes from within.
30. Don't let him place rules on you that he is not willing to follow himself -- double-standard.
31. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.
32. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
33. Demand respect and if he can't give it, he can't have you!
34. Don't compete with other woman, but be aware that men are attracted to what they see.
35. If you think he is cheating, he probably is. Confront him right away and if you feel he's lying, let him go.
36. The eyes speak louder than words.
37. Never let a man define who you are.
38. Never rely on a man for compliments, look to yourself for that.
39. Never borrow someone else's man.
40. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
41. Just because he says he loves you, doesn't mean that he won't hurt you and it doesn't mean that you are meant to be with him.

42. To use painful hard-won wisdom -- 'get it right' the next time.
43. Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of the #1 person in your life.
44. Love is a verb ...
45. Learn to give up your lifelong task of trying to make someone unavailable-available, someone ungiving-giving, and someone unloving-loving.

46. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
47. All men are NOT dogs.
48. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.
49. If you don't love self...you can't love anyone else.
50. You cannot mend someone else's broken heart.
51. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

52. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complementary...not supplementary.

53. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
54. NEVER give more in a relationship than you are getting out of it.
55. Never become your man's "therapist".
56. When actions and words conflict, believe the actions. Respond to the actions.
57. A real healthy relationship requires two people. One person can end it - but it takes two to make it work.
58. Don't fall for the "I'm not the loving type"...when a man loves you there is nothing in this world (within reason) that he wouldn't do for you.<---hahahhahahahhaha!!!!

59. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him he takes it for granted.

60. Give him his space...let him go out with his boys, don't pressure him to spend time with you. You cant force a man to hang out with you.

61. If you wouldn't allow your daughter to be with him you shouldn't.
62. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
63. Never move into his mother's house.
64. Provide financially for yourself and don't depend on anyone.
65. Never co-sign for a man.
66. Never believe you have the perfect guy and he is so innocent.
67. Never spoil your man; let him spoil you.
68. Never let a man mess up your credit.
69. When it's time to let go; let go.
70. Good men should be treated like good men.
71. Don't play games.
72. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
73. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

74. Compatibility in terms of educational attainment, values, beliefs, personal and career goals, and socio-economic status, are important.

75. Never date a guy who wears colored contacts. :)

Monday, February 25, 2008

Liberation.

February 22, 2008

Liberation.

Speaking up.
Knowing how to assert what I want because I have the right and because I deserve it.
The feeling of liberation.. the feeling of being able to say and do what I want.
Nothing beats the feeling of freedom and power.

I hate it when people cut in lines. I was supposed to buy a few blank DVDs for my brother and I was after a woman who was like buying wholesale. So I waited.. and waited. The sales lady recognized a man behind me who was exchanging a damaged item. Its ok I thought because I was not it a rush. Suddenly there was this man who suddenly ordered to the second attending clerk, I looked at the sales lady in front me in a manner where the third world war may occur. So I declared that I was first. Gladly she recognized my imposition and received my order.Afterwards, I said thank you. The feeling of having the right and the power. Oh, the feeling of being able to impose my right to that darn man.

Don’t cut lines. We all have the right. Like you, I can pay and that makes us quits. So don’t try to boss me.


February 23, 2008

H: ivs, let’s work things out. 
I: : - ) nasa bahay ka na?
H: Smile lang? haha. Nasa labas kami for dinner, kadarating ko lang. Kain. U

>no reply

H: di ka na nagreply. Nakauwi na kami. U

Are things getting worse? I don’t know. My issue is: if you are trying to know if you are in love with me, I on the other is falling out of love. Ivs, if you don’t make a move.. you’ll lose me.. big time. There is a possibility that certain things willl end between us.. the friendship.. and everything else… because of this new setup.. but that is not in my hands.. it involves the two of us.. US.. not just me.. it includes you.. I hate this feeling that things are getting worse.. I hope I’m wrong.. I really hope I’m wrong.

Time. Do you still need more time? I’m sorry but I have any more time to give.

Moms are moms.

Moms are moms. When you’re little, they teach you that everything in this world is good. You are taught that people are kind even if we live in this dangerous world. it is you’re parents that tell you that. Also, you consider you’re moms the best epitome of idealism and believed that they are “super” heroes. In my case, when I was little I have always considered the world as being just and kind and that my parents were the angels sent to the world to make life great. The one (of the best people) hero I consider is my Mom. In my case, I considered my mom as my guardian angel sent by God to protect me and make my life great. My mom was my first teacher. She was the first person who taught me to speak, write and read. She was the one who assisted me through my elementary days – maybe without her continuous support I would never had made it as salutatorian in my elementary days and graduated with honors in high school. But life isn’t always the way we want it to be – cliché but true. When my adolescence/teenage years came – things started to change. I have had problems of my own – insecurities and all – which I wanted to resolve by myself. In effect, this decision led me to distance myself a little bit with my mother. I wanted to get solo. I realized seeing from my parents that being parents is an experimental thing; no one really knows the perfect/right method/combination of parenting for every child has always been different and unique in every way. I have perceived my mother as not being able to understand me. Growing the opposite of the life she had; I thought that it would be difficult for her to understand my inhibitions. She had a to-die-for beauty indifferent to mine; always being compared to her was one of insecurities. My mom was an easy going person; I was more of the conscious one. At that time, everything I had was envious of her and of what she had once had. I just plainly considered myself as a shame. I started to keep things from her; I started to discover things on my own. I didn’t do drugs, I didn’t do sex. I just made myself me. But I realized being solo isn’t the best idea after all. My family is all I had. I couldn’t identify myself without my family. I realized that I couldn’t make it on my own. I needed my mom to back me up when I am lonely, when I needed support, when I needed someone to fight for me, someone to provide me the essentials of life; when I needed a mom In the end I realized, I needed her. Despite all the criticisms, problems, insecurities, challenges I had; she was there for me, she understood me and most of all she still loved me. I knew I was wrong for judging my mom and ever since our reconciliation I never kept anything from my mom. She knows everything about me and I consider her my own best friend. Other people ask me, why I am so close with my mother. I answer them one thing: It is because I wanted to. I didn’t become close to my mother because she was my biological mother but because I wanted too. I wanted my mother to be part of my life. I wanted her to know how I am and to let her know what a great mother she is. There are still things that I don’t get with being a mother – like asking too much for the details, asking too many questions, “makulit” when it comes to boys, too hooked on wowowee. For sure someday I’ll know the answers - that is when I will be a mother too. But for now, I’ll enjoy being a daughter to my ever dearest mother.

Friday, February 22, 2008

“If not us then who? If not now then when?”

If not I, then who?
CTALK By Cito Beltran
Monday, January 28, 2008

UP or the University of the Philippines is often criticized for producing nothing but politicians and Godless activists. One group steals the peoples’ money or the peoples’ democracy while the other waste tax payers money by creating more chaos or fighting the police and the military in the hinterlands.
But from where I stand, UP has raised many but little appreciated individuals who have contributed not only in terms of professional expertise but even more in speaking out for an ideal or against a social or political injustice.
Every school, university or educational institution has raised their own share of “good citizens” but historically speaking, UP has trained more outspoken citizens or bold individuals who willingly risk personal comfort or professional persecution because their training makes it unacceptable to turn a blind eye or simply join the silent majority.
The average UP student cannot avoid being confronted by the questions: “Kung hindi tayo; sino? Kung hindi ngayon; kailan?”
“If not us then who? If not now then when?” I am told that those were the words of a courageous activist known as Voltaire Garcia. I have come to know many more men and women such as him during the many years I spent at UP.
Some of them were brave idealists who did not wait to graduate from the University. They took the message and spoke out. Others went to the streets and protested, while a few unnamed warriors took up arms and paid with their lives. The rest of us were just waiting for our time.
We were not all brave. We were not all idealistic. But in time and presented with the need and the opportunity just about everyone speak out or did something. It may be at PTAs, Barangay meetings, court rooms or board rooms or in front of the cameras. Because of our “outspoken nature, we are called Rebels and rebellious.
Hardly! I dare say. Plain and simple rebellion does not solicit respect from people who gained entry into an institution that accepts you because of your intellect, reasoning and not your parents’ wealth. Rebellion draws no crowds among an interdependent culture known for logic, excellence and organization.
We do not speak merely of our opinion as everyone seems to be obsessed in doing in today’s culture of “My opinion.com” or “Bloggers anonymous@Gaggle. com”. No it is not about opinion but about conviction.
We speak out against social and political injustices we learned and understood from our probinsyano batch mates who lived lives in hardship and poverty. We learned the realities of life and politics from our teachers and professors who cared to mentor us while they gave up opportunities to teach in exclusive schools and earn enough money for a house, a car and a better social status.
The opinions we formed were created by living in a real community. Not just an academic community but one where government employees lived in temporary conditions until they were no longer part of the system and therefore no longer qualified to live in the university grounds. That is as real as it gets.
As real as living in an academic community invaded and assimilated with squatter colonies, infiltrated by rebel scholars as well as deep penetration agents and military Intelligence officers in training and subject to the egos, politics and sexual disposition of government officials and politicians.
We live it, we breathe it. It is the way we pay back all the real tax payers who partly paid for our education. It is the commitment we made when we became “Iskolars ng Bayan” that we would give back to UP and to the Philippines . Some of us manage to speak out and even fight the injustices. Some of us manage to give or achieve solutions that hurt or damage our society and some unfortunately excelled at damaging our society and continue to do so.
This is why we have become the worst critics of government and of politicians. We are not rebels we are merely the enemies of those who betrayed the nation and the people.
We are not Godless because if we were, why would we fight and risk life itself for such godly things as truth, justice, equality and freedom. Why would we despise the corrupt and the brutal who embrace evil with pride and arrogance? We are called Godless by those who have replaced the true God with compromise and commerce. We are condemned by those who speak from ignorance rather than intellect.
As a people we have either suffered in silence or lashed out in rage. Too many Filipinos willingly express opinion but not their conviction. They find satisfaction of their civic duty by expressing opinion rather than acting and speaking with conviction. Opinion is but an organized collection of thoughts and emotions. Opinion is relative to time or something for the moment.
Conviction involves wisdom, passion, commitment, and action not just for ourselves but for the greater or collective good. Speaking out is merely a consequence or as a result of our efforts and commitment to a cause, a standard or a way of life.
Often “Speaking out” is already “Action” in itself. By speaking out we oppose unacceptable doctrine or behavior. By speaking out we educate or warn others. By speaking out we teach others of a better way or thinking. Commitment requires action not just sound. Speaking out is not just for the moment. We do so when needed not when we feel like it.
So next time you decide to express yourself, ask yourself if its just another opinion, if it’s someone else’s opinion or your true conviction. Then you’ll understand the significance of the “Oblation” a man who can stand before men and God naked but unashamed.

source:http://www.philstar .com/archives. php?aid=20080127 111&type=2

Sunday, February 17, 2008

ode to the letter.

February 17, 2008

Dear Ivan,

Writing this letter to you doesn’t qualify for any obligations (word of the season.haha) or reciprocation. I write this letter to you because I believe I owe it to myself. I am glad we talked yesterday, somehow I did not expect that but I guess that was what we really needed. I realized that our biggest problem was COMMUNICATION. We weren’t able to totally express ourselves well in the last few months. Factors includes the communication medium and our personal suppression of issues to refrain from hurting the other. Due to the lack of formal communication: assumptions, personal questions left unanswered, issues lead to misinterpretation which lead to more complicating issues.

There are a lot of things we refrain from talking about. But somehow I would like to take this advantage to sort some things out. Having our talk last time, I think has opened some better communication lines between us.

I still don’t know what you feel about me. Somehow, I wasn’t able to ask you clearly. Partly I didn’t is because you yourself said you were not sure. Well, I leave that query for you to answer.

When you asked me about trying to work things out this second time because we started out at the wrong foot, I answered immediately by saying no. Distance as you said was your biggest concern. Mine was would such ‘another trial’ be sustainable. You know for a fact that I love you. Saying this doesn’t require you anything. I just wanted to finally confirm it out. But somehow love is not enough. There are a lot of things to consider about you, about me, and the coming ‘us’. I am willing to ‘try again’. Have a new start or whatever you call it. But I asked myself, would such decision be something that we can handle. You have your priorities – priorities that I cannot see myself in. And with the distance and the fast-paced-life we have, could we keep up with the demands between us? On one side, deciding not to move forward would maybe make our lives easier and less complicated but on the other what if this is the only chance we have. I quote what you said the last time: “Everything just seems so complicated” (what a pessimistic attitude no?haha). Or are we the ones making everything complicated? Maybe everything sums to that it is not the right time for ‘us’. I don’t know. I don’t know where I am heading with this. On side note, I think I need your help on these matters.

Our talk last time was a spontaneous one; we had to take in a lot of things at one single bang. I know we parted ways that time in a good and partly settled way. But then I realized that the talk was not sufficient. I don’t have any idea of what the coming days would offer. Total change does not happen overnight. I hope we can have another talk. No pressures on when or how. I believe that our last conversation has opened doors for better communication and I hope this continues.


With great wishes.


Sincerely yours,

Helena

when love becomes an obligation, Or was there really love in the first place?


Wednesday, February 13, 2008

better than expected, so far...

I don't like valentines.. for one reason..i don't have to celebrate it. desperate? kind of. well i have my reasons. pretty much of it was a personal choice and partner i could call my own. A sign of it was sleeping early last night not reviewing for my company defense nor being excited for the V day.

But this day seems to be very different (so far) from the valentines i had in the previous years (puberty years). Years when you get that need to be part of such event.

Reasons:

1. My proposal got accepted in less than five minutes. No bragging. Sir bermudo, i love you. wahehe. To take in to consideration, that i chose to sleep than to review for my defense. Oh lord, you do work in mysterious ways.

2. I got my my period. After my proposal got accepted, i came out room 1 screaming and running like i won the lottery then suddenly i felt a gush. at first i thought it was pee because i had to postpone my visit to the cr prior to my defense. But as i ran to the bathroom and got myself locked up in the cubicle.. hallelujah, it was blood. after 2 weeks, i had my visit. the wonders of mr. bermudo. double celebration. haha

* i don't know if i should consider this a reason, but ivan texted me. After sending him 2 sms (regarding a great morning and having a great day), he finally decided to reply.
here's the sms:

Happy Valentines Hel!:-D
*hugz*

Then my mom sent me an sms asking if ivan already sent me an sms. Because she was greeted four in the morning while i was greeted after i remembered him.

3. A recieved a rose from a super friend. After my econ 131 class (which ended up in a mind boggling query and debate about applying multiple regression ms excel), jules suprised me with a red rose and a love letter. I have never recieved a red rose on valentines. It feels so great being suprised. aww. jules, i love you. i'll always be here for you despite most of the times being not physically present.


4.I got my check. After almost two months, i already got the reimbursement of our trip in baguio for the kasama sa up and UP GASC.

5. A wonderful visit, Sarah. Sarah was giving me a ring for a number of times. I was not able to mind because of our proposal defense. When my free time came, we were able to text and she was in clark for a visit. and she was having a sleepover on our dorm. Right now, she is beside me not knowing that i am writing about her.

Oh here's the challenge for the day...
I am currently battling, haggling for the slots of my blockmates regarding the proposal defense. so i'll be back to finish this entry..

like i said, these are the reasons that i had a great valentines, so far..

Sunday, February 10, 2008

commercialism of valentines

what's with valentines? im not being bitter or sour or whatever you call it. Its just that everything seems to so valentines-y. It seems like when you're single (which i am) its seems that you don't belong to such event. whew! i admit i want a great valentines this year. somehow. somewhere in the recesess of my brain, i hope. its just that please can everyone lessen the power of valentines, its starting to make to be little angry at myself. haha

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

'someone'

i never wished for someone who would offer me the moon and the stars..just someone to lay down with and watch them with me.. thank you for being that 'someone'.
-ooOoo-
:-*
*hugz*
gdlck po sa wrk..
:-)
nyt...u
-ooOoo-

Niaantok na ako
ms.helena
*pokes her back*
:-P:-*
-ooOoo-

*hugz*
ui...bwal malunkot...
*tickles*
hihihi.
:-*
ui.....
-ooOoo-

ivan.
hugz.
mark.
kisses.
camara.
smiles.
galura.
happiness.

:-)

:-)

:-)
-ooOoo-

a hectic day. a week full of work. a gazillion things to do. stress. pressures. burnout. yet at the end of the day there would always be that someone... someone who keeps me sane. ..someone who gives me the nudge here and there...and the push to go on.. thank you.

to the coming endeavors. best wishes. bm105 defense and proposal. history 151 exam. here i come. i'll surpass 'you' all with flying colors. :-)

-ooOoo-

Sunday, February 3, 2008

STOP.THINK.

No matter what I do I always end up wanting you..going back to..you..


“If a person doesn’t love you anymore,there is NO MORE REASON for you to stay. The only way to STOP HURTING is to STOP WANTING. And the only way to stop wanting is to START ACCEPTING that the person is probably NOT THE SAME person you used to know. Then and only then can you move on to finding the happiness that becomes truly rewarding when shared with the person who LOVES you the SAME or probably EVEN MORE.”



Maybe I still thought you were the same guy I knew two years ago. But I think you aren’t now. One year brought so many changes. One day could destroy all possibilities. One moment was all it took for you to walk away (somehow). Honestly I feel so numb now. If you ask me, I don’t know the difference of pain and happiness anymore. Somehow you taught me how to feel both. How to experience both. But now, I want happiness but at the same time I can’t have it. I have been pushing myself to you but I forgot the sign to you heart was PULL. I don’t really know anymore. I want to give up but somewhere I believe that there is more to these pain that I am feeling. Patience is a virtue as I firmly believe.

I hate it when you text me as if you were just having a group message. So I decline to reply the other night. I was always the type of person who customizes everything from text to personal notes and you weren’t. Also, I was to have an exam the other day but majority of the reason was it was like any other text. In the back of my mind, have you received the letter I’ve mailed to you.

Last night, Mom and I ate in Chowking for some halo-halo and siopao. Whenever I miss you or remember you, I always text. You replied – two times to be exact. And tadah you’re gone. I even asked if I was being nosy but you didn’t reply. So I diverted my attention to other people – guys to be exact. I had three boys who called and texted me last night. I don’t’ flirt I am just accommodating. Andrei called me up asking to be my date on valentines. Erwin was asking me if he was the one I asked ‘can you finally be mine?’. Gerald was the crazy one, I was asking him to be my ‘chix’. Somehow, after all the texting I had with them… you were the one I long for.. you were the one I want.,. you were still the same I man I wanted to talk to after the weekend.. you were the one I want to burn the phones lines with on a Saturday night.. you.. like we always did one year go…

What the hell happened? What? I want to know.. you never talk.. you never tell me.. never.. you were always the mysterious/ james dean type who want to make other people crazy reading your mind.

Ivan, I’m tired. And I do not know anymore what keeps me going on. Is it because that I can’t have you that the more I want you. Tell me. Right now, I am just hanging on to the memories we had together.. the happy times … but somehow I think you don’t want those memories anymore.. you’ve grown up while I am here stuck in a pit reminiscing the three years that had gone by. Blame me, but the memories are all I have of you. We are not together anymore. I don’t see you that often anymore or probably not anymore. We don’t get to talk. Text? For the casual reasons only. I’m in complete awe. I don’t know. I need to stop. I need to realize and accept that You are not the ivan I used to know three years ago. After all the pain I have given myself for the sake of you, I still wonder why. WHY do I still want you? Why? Somehow, I thought because you were the person I had the best conversations with. The person I feel inferior to (not like with other men that I feel so superior). The person I admire. I person I still have a crush on. The person who still makes me happy for the smallest reasons. The person I am in love with… until now.

“But I am sorry I have to move on”. I always find myself saying this. But does anyone really move on. Or they just go on. What is the difference. At this moment, the pain starts to sink in. Maybe I still know the difference. Pain is when I am alone and I realized that you can’t be mine. And happiness is when you give me a few seconds of you time.

STOP. THINK. Even though I badly want things to end or things to be better; I can’t. I want too. But I don’t have the power.

One last fling. One last boyfriend before I leave. I want to have someone. I want to have a real relationship where I am loved and the relationship is two-sided. I guess it is really true that the person, who loves the most, is the person who needs its most. And at the moment, I just want to be loved… hopefully by you.. but not anymore.. I can’t say goodbye.. but i can say thank you.. thank you for all the emotions you’ve made me feel.. and for making me love someone unconditionally.. wish me luck to find the person who really deserves me.. someday..i tell you..someday.. THE ONE would cross my path..and love me endlessly.. but for now, I must stop wallowing and feeling depressed ..I must be glamorous..pretty.. attractive..who knows when I’ll meet him? And if that moment comes I want him to see and meet me at my best!


*STOP. THINK. Is the title of a song of aaliyah parcs. I though of this title because at this moment I should stop and think (reassess).

Broken Sonnet


Sonnet 116

By William Shakespeare


Let me not to the marriage of true minds


Admit impediments. Love is not love


Which alters when it alteration finds,


Or bends with the remover to remove:


O no! it is an ever-fixed mark


That looks on tempests and is never shaken;


It is the star to every wandering bark,


Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.


Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks


Within his bending sickle's compass come:


Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,


But bears it out even to the edge of doom.


If this be error and upon me proved,


I never writ, nor no man ever loved.



-oo0oo-



As the wind brushes my face


I remember you…


How you were once by my side


And how we were once so ‘happy’ together


A mere memory perhaps, Yet it tells a whole lot of stories…


A memory that still haunts me until today


With each surpassing day, I hope…


Hope that someday… maybe someday…


I’ll have the chance to see you again…


January 24, 2008

08:00 AM



-oo0oo-




PS These are poems that I secretly snail mailed to ivan last January 28, 2008 with the help of my dad.




Tuesday, January 29, 2008

i miss you.

I know im getting 'makulit' and all but i can't help it. with all my heart i miss you. even though we still had conversations and issues that we haven't fixed... I miss being with you. I miss everythng with you. i miss myself when i am with you. I miss the feeling i have when i am with you. I hope you'd be happy with poem i sent for you. i miss you. hope you miss me too.

PS i love keeping this mystery of missing you within me.

*hugz*

yesterday's escapade/food trip

jules and I were just planning to have merienda in toll house to eat and talk but somehow life happens when we're busy planning other things.

TOLL HOUSE

Toll house is a famous snack house/restaurant in Angeles City, Pampanga. It serves its famous chessy, mouth watering, creamy baked macaroni and lasagna. It also sells cakes, cookies and other goodies that are both pleasing to the eyes and taste buds.

So as our bm105 ended, we decided to head straight to Toll house thinking we have a 3 hour break before bio 1. Because of our charm, we were able to bring with us lorie, Marvine and tereso. I was just planning to order a baked macaroni but was persuaded of jules to order the tropical chicken. Jules asked if lorie, and me could share with her tropical chicken. But being a “masiba” and carnivore ( I officially stopped eating rice.. haha) I declined and decided to have an order for myself. Assuming that I am, the tropical chicken wasn’t the typical spring chicken with the gravy or some delicious barbeque sauce with the steamed vegetables. The tropical chicken was a backed chicken consisting of corn, carrots, string beans in cream sauce topped with mash potato. So what happened to me? I became saturated with it. I had to ask the help of terry and marvine to finish. But unluckily we weren’t able to. Haha

CARMELITE

So they were having the feeling that we were not going to have a bio 1 class. It is 12:30 and we are still in angeles – thinking that our class was 1:00. Luckily, after a lot of text messages and calls, we weren’t going to have a Bio 1.

As they say, when its your first visit in a church don’t hesitate to make a wish. Here’s my ‘wishes’*:
Be rich – with lots of money.
Bless me and my family with our migration.
happiness. (with the back voice regarding ivan.haha)


*Regardless of what they say regarding sharing wishes: that is won’t true, what the heck.

SM CLARK

Jules forgot to mention to me that Paula was included in our date in Toll house. So we decided to met half way thru and where else than in SM Clark. Because jules and I had a heavy meal, we were having a hard time thinking where to have our continuation of binge eating. After a while we decided to try café chocola.

I ordered a ice expresso (2 layers) or whatever it is consisting of coffee and having a top layer of milk. And I ordered a ravel bar. Sobrang takaw. Haha

So we had long and thorough conversations from relationships, academics, love problems to sex (issues, stories and queries).

TURK’S SHAWARMA

Paula was having a craving of shawarma. And being a game person. I joined in. We tried turk’s beef shawarma. It was sweet and tangy. It’s dough was a little sweet. The beef was tender and sweet. The veggies consisting of cabbage, tomatoes and cucumber were very fresh and crunchy. Oh the greatest thing was that they have a unlimited cheese syrup that we poured on the shawarma – too much won’t hurt ei, and it was free.

HOME

Nothing beats going home to rest. I cleaned my room. Arranged my cabinets and stack. Threw my garbage and some unnecessary stuff. And of course texted ivan.

I wanted to share my message to him:

“whenever I look at my palm, I wonder which of those tiny cute criss-cross lines made so lucky to meet you.. and have you.. J”

Texts:
Ivan: Dinner na.. J
Me: I hate admitting it.. but I really miss you. Kainis ka! Haha. Kain ka na. J
Ivan: J I mis u too.. *sigh*
Me: di nga? Talaga? Promise? J
Ivan: promisepromise. J kumain ka na?

The texts continued until he finally decided to eat. So another short time texting with him. At least I had a few minutes.

I slept while reading history of china and after eating some oranges.



Sunday, January 27, 2008

Addicted

What should I buy? Siopao? Donuts? Or cake? I confess. I am an addict. I am not really sure how it all started. All I know is that I needed it. I am so psyched about doing it that it has become a weekly ritual. It is my only pleasure – my true obsession. I don’t mind the hours, the pollution, the people – everything. All that matters is I go home and be with my family. That is my addiction – going to a place I call home. The very word of it gives me the ‘kiligs’. The mere thinking of them makes me miss them even more. So why do I travel for four hours, suffer back pains, and endure hunger just to see them? The simple answer is l-o-v-e. I love my family to the last molecule.

I arrive at home at about 3:30 pm. As I open our gates I shout and call on my mama. Then, I pay my respect to my parents. My father says: “My daughter, how are you?” I answer with a happy tone; “Fine and thank you sir.” Then we would start to laugh. I would then bring out my pasalubong for the week; then my kuya would show up. Mama would then ask if I already ate then she would tell that she cooked sinigang for me. As I reheat the sinigang, I switched on the TV and watch ‘Let’s Go’. Mama would then ask questions about school and everything else. Being a wreck after the whole trip, I couldn’t answer rightfully. Mama gets a little irritated and says: “masyado ka namang suplada” subsequently she decides to just sleep again. We are about to go mass at 5 pm. It is already 4:45 and mama is still on the bathroom. Papa calls on her. Mama answers; “Andiyan na. tara na. tara na si rin.” Then I butt in by saying; “Si Mama naman, madali ng madali eh asa banyo pa.” At about 5:20 we arrive at the church. We are just in time for the homily of the priest. While the priest reads his homily, mama starts again to ask me questions. Papa then pushes my leg down and says it’s improper to put one’s leg up during mass. As I feel the pangs and gnaws of my body due to the demands of the week; magical voices starts to fill the air. The choir started to sing. My spirit starts to awaken and liven up. Oh the calmness and serenity their voices bring. After the mass, papa goes home while mama and I go to the flea market. We go to market to buy some fruits and desserts for dinner. At this time, mama and I start to converse about the latest happenings. Afterwards, we have our dinner. We talk. We laugh. We watch TV. We bond. And if time permits, I give facial services, manicure and pedicure. This is my typical Saturday – simple yet meaningful. And my Sunday is left for all the paper works and projects that I have to rush in advance.

So what keeps me going home even for just a number of hours despite the hassles it brings? The answer is the love I feel whenever I am with them. I’ll tell you the truth. I am scared. I may look tough. I may look strong. I may look mature. But somewhere inside me is a kid - a kid who always gets excited whenever she sees her mama, papa and kuya. I almost lost my dad a year ago when he had a mild stroke, and I don’t want that to happen again. My parents aren’t getting any younger and I want as much as possible to be with them. My parents just retired recently from work and when they decided to retire in the province. I did not complain. It was fair enough for them. Words are not enough to explain why. If superman’s weakness is planet Krypton; mine is my family. So here I am sitting on the bus reminiscing my weekend, and I smile at having another chance to be with them. Now the question is what would I bring home for next weekend? Siopao? Donuts? Or cake?

UP LB fiedtrip c/o jonas




hanging out at my dorm




January 23, 2008
APD bhouse

Econ 151 class




November 10, 2007
AVR

at the lib




september 2007

ALC




Baguio City
2007

Saturday, January 26, 2008

a year from now

One year from now, i maybe reading this entry wondering what i was feeling at this very moment. Wondering if i did the right thing. wondering if i was 'really' happy with my decision.

Few days ago (wednesday - my second BM105 exam) my mum texted me that our petition for the united states was approved and one year from now we maybe leaving my motherland. Somehow i was happy at the very first instant i read the message. And when i called my mum to confirm it; she cleared to me, you are leaving for the states.

Until now few people know that i will be leaving in one year or so my Philippines and going to the green dollar country where i find greener pastures as they say - but not.I will go with a questionable journey wanting to experience a new place and a new life different from what i have here for 19 years. Somehow, i have no assurance of happiness or even security of what would happen to me there. But i am sure that i would take this chance.

The people who know about the move is my bestfriend (kat b.), my guy close friend (noel), my two loving dorm mates (hannah and carla) and my former dorm mate who over heard me talking in the bathroom (marie). I haven't told yet Ivan, the man i truly love, of such issue but i promise some day within the year i will. I am just finding the right time and right place. Oh yeah, ivan and i aren't talking on a regular basis so its harder for me to tell him. So are my other friends - jules and paula, my blockmates, my SOsquare, my highschool mates and others. I'll find the right time. And i want to them when it's near or when i am really and confirmed that i am leaving.

before i forgot, mum said that i should expect that the papers and other requirements may be finished in less than year. if this happens, i will still prioritize my graduation and follow after them in a few month.

oh. am i making sense in what i am writing? .i am not. sigh

one year from now. one year more of memories. One year of unexpected events. one year of smiles, laughs, tears, fears, and adventures. one year.

Today, january 26, 2008, i would uber seize the coming days. who knows, i may not be able to do things i want to do righfully when i still have the chance - when i am still in college and have the right to be crazy.

"true beauty"

Girls who efface their beauty by make-up, who mar their lips by lipstick, who pluck their eyebrows and substitute them with a stroke of pencil,deserve commiseration: commiseration, indeed,for their lack of common sense. Looking around you see more masks than faces!. Mature women who go on like this are ridiculous, but young girls, on the contrary, force us to supress a smile .

Or rather, they make you think: what kind of woman will they turn out to be? Will they take life as an everlasting merry-go-round? What good can you expect of a woman who lightly alters whatever MOTHER NATURE has alloted to her? Is it possible that Nature, the source of the most striking miracles that our eyes can see, was mistaking in creating the ninety percent of female creatures, so as to oblige them to remedy her work.
POOR GIRLS! You feel like pulling each one of them by the ear in front of a basin filled with hot water and then handling them a cake of soap, saying to them:


"COME on, wash your face, you foolish girl!"

*'To love someone is to know their worth, to know their weakness but still admire their strengths. To love is not about looks, it is about the beauty in a person only seen by someone in love."

Sunday, January 20, 2008

"True Beauty"

Can you finally be mine?





ivan...

at this very moment i will type words that i am not sure if i will soon regret or be thankful for. I admit i am scared. I have questioned myself a million times if i should tell you or not. I wondered would telling you be worth the risk. Would worrying about 'our' future be the safest thing to keep you beside me?

i hate this feeling after we have talked ( the simple chitchat we just had)....the feeling of having a heavy heart where questions and sudden sadness fills my soul.. then, i feel myself shrink into a minute being. 'this' or whatever you call it has always been hard for me.

i love you. even without knowing if you feel the same way. but somehow i am starting to get tired. Not for the reason of thinking how long will i wait and understand but of how hard it is to love you. was there really something i am waiting for? or was i hoping for nothing?..or do i really have to wait? i never cared about waiting because i was always patient..but don't blame me..with all your questionable actions...sometimes my brain have the tendency to formulate such crazy questions and ideas.

i believe that actions are more than enough.. but somehow i need words.. words..of confirmation... of assurance.. of security..


tell me. please. let me know.


then maybe... i could finally rest my case..



*this was written last November 27, 2007 .

28 'things' i want in a boyfriend

1. kind (gentleman)

2. great sense of humor ( can make me laugh and able to laugh at himself)

3. the biggest supporter of my dreams

4. passionate about his work

5. sweet and malambing

6. is a little boy at heart – has a child’s innocence and innate trust in the world and mankind

7. highly-tolerant and open minded

8. is sweet to his mother and sister (is he has)

9. well-read (smart and sensible)

10. loves to travel and see the world

11. remembers things I say, even ones I’ve already forgotten I’ve said (a good ListeNEr!)

12. someone who always look after the welfare of others (specially me!)

13. has a great deal of respect for women (GIRLS RULE!!!)

14. hopeless romantic

15. understands my mood swings

16. smells good!

17. loves my family and friends

18. fiercely loyal

19. someone who dresses well and knows what looks good on him (clean look)

20. doesn’t smoke (or other bad vices)

21. someone who openly considers me his best friend

22. someone who surprises me with nice little meaningful presents

23. outdoorsy and athletic

24. has wonderful. Expressive eyes

25. has cute little crinkles at the corner of his eyes when he smiles

26. courageously pursues his dreams

27. is proud to have me (accepting me for who I am I mean)

28. thinks I am the smartest, the funniest, and the most intoxicating woman in existence! hahaha

a new beginning.

I have been blogging for about 4 years now but it is in a sanctuary where my personal experiences have been known to everyone i am personally attached to. But today i am going to have my journal where i shall write in privacy. Privacy in a sense that people i am dearly close to shall not know my little diary of existence. They shall not in any matter know my personal sentiments. Gladly, now i can finally set free my inhibitions and generate my factory of ideas. Finally i can now mention names and wouldn't need any more nicknames or aka. Because now i am invisible.. and free.. To people outside my glass box, you welcome to know my insights, stories.. and all about me. This is my new beginning.. another opportunity.. another try.. at everything... but with a different catch.. in a secret life i can call mine...

WELCOME to my secret life.... :-)

....

"Everybody should love every other person as much as he loves himself, so that the interests of all would be served." - Mo Tzu

UP LB field trip




c/o Paco

UP @ 100 fireworks display




care of paco
01-08-2008

UP Los Banos Field Trip




Laguna
January 18, 2008

UP @ 100




January 08, 2008
UP Diliman

Makiling lagoon




UP Los Banos field trip
January 19, 2008

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

beginnings..one more try?

"beginnings...beginni ngs... we all want one. another chance. another opportunity. another hope. another try. the power to possibly start again. but can we?"

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Servito - Quinto Nuptials




January 06, 2008
St. Therese
Dagupan Village Hotel

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Pasiklaban Fireworks display (Part 2)




December 22, 2007
UP Baguio

Pasiklaban Fireworks display (Part 1)




UP Baguio
December 22, 2007

The Ate Shan dance




Student Regent Selection
Interview Session
December 22, 2007
UP Baguio

Oblation Run (Start)




December 14, 2007
Lobby

last day of second semester!




October 21, 2007
BABE III

dunkin' donuts galore!




b. and iya
december 31, 2007
dunkin' donuts

along the countryside




sembreak experience
going to our farm

party crashers!!!




December 31, 2007
Jayson Villamil's house
birthday ni Atty. Villamil

David Sy - Sarmiento Laforteza Wedding




December 27, 2007
Church: in Air Force City, Pampanga
Reception: Fontana Convention Center

Merry Christmas!!!




December 25, 2007
Sarmiento Residence

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

U.P. systemwide (GASC & Kasama sa UP)




December 20-22, 2007
UP Baguio

Oblation Run (12-14-2007)






Happy bday jules! (12-10-2007)




my dorm.

Marriage? Why not?!

(Sudden…Rushed ….Unorganized thoughts…)

 

Last December 27, we attended the second wedding of my cousin in Clark, Pampanga. You read it right. This is kuya jeff’s second wedding… but with a different woman. His first marriage failed and so he tried again. I guess that’s love you just try and try until you finally settle with something you really deserve and want. I hope my loving and perfect gentleman cousin really be happy with this one for he really deserve it.

 

 I remember my best friend in one of the birthday cards she sent me that she is willing to be my maid of honor until I find the one for me. And somehow, I realized that that may happen I would have failed marriages or be a separada, double takers on marriages or even a spinster. But I wouldn’t stop trying and taking risk for I am not afraid in making my own love story.

 

On the other hand, I thought of my parents together with their other siblings who had marriages over 30 years. Somehow I wonder how do they keep the spice and love in their marriage.

 

The two extreme opposites of  marriage: quitting/trying and fighting. Quitting – admitting that there are marriages that fail and love that may be lost; trying – moving on and taking another toll on love and life. Fighting – continuously fighting for the love that two people have despite the odds. I guess the wonders of marriage with the consideration of love are really a splendid and broad issue. Someday I will find out…someday I’ll know.. Someday I will experience it…. Someday… but definitely with the one who deserve to be with me..

 

*written December 28, 2007