Wednesday, May 26, 2010

gelatin vs. gulaman

Gelatin is just a processed version of a structural protein called collagen that is found in many animals, including humans. Collagen actually makes up almost a third of all the protein in the human body.

The gelatin you eat in Jell-O comes from the collagen in cow or pig bones, hooves, and connective tissues.

Gulaman (gelatin) - or agar agar - is Asia's equivalent of jello. It is made of dehydrated and processed sea weed formed into bars - which when rehydrated and dissolved in hot water will then congeal to form gelatin. Usually colored red, but other colors are also available. A mainstay ingredient in halo halo and gulaman at sago. (


Gelatin, EEEEWWWWW!!! I never thought it was made from that. yuck! I am staying away from American Gelatin. Why don't they try the Filipino version of Gelatin?

Gulaman, I love you! I need to buy some of you from the Filipino Store or get my brother to package me some.

Monday, May 24, 2010

what break-up?

May 24, 2010

[10:17:36 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: are you there?
[10:19:02 AM] cj_fulkerson: yea
[10:19:15 AM] cj_fulkerson: I just sent you that message, but I'll ask you on IM
[10:19:16 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: im sorry
[10:19:20 AM] cj_fulkerson: So what you're saying is, that you put forth "I think I need to break-up with you. I am sorry." but it was to see if I was going to stop you or chase after you?
[10:19:27 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: no
[10:19:32 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: not like that
[10:19:41 AM] cj_fulkerson: then why did you send it?
[10:20:34 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: because i needed to let it out
[10:20:38 AM | Edited 10:20:49 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: i think i need to
[10:20:42 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: but i dont want to
[10:21:01 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: i wanted you to help me out
[10:21:10 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: i did not know that it will sound like that
[10:21:33 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: are you mad?
[10:21:46 AM] cj_fulkerson: Im un sure
[10:22:06 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: im messing things up
[10:22:13 AM] cj_fulkerson: now that you weren't saying what I thought you were
[10:22:30 AM] cj_fulkerson: why do you think you need to break up with me?
[10:23:47 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: what did i made you feel?
[10:24:05 AM] cj_fulkerson: I asked first
[10:26:37 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: i dont want to hurt you
[10:26:56 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: i am scared of messing things up but I think i am already messing things up
[10:27:06 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: I am taking this too seriously
[10:27:14 AM] cj_fulkerson: that is why you think you want to break up with me? cuz you're afraid that you are going to hurt me?
[10:29:53 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: no
[10:30:02 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: and i dont want to get hurt
[10:30:12 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: i dont want to talk to you in IM
[10:30:14 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: it sucks
[10:30:53 AM | Edited 10:31:15 AM] cj_fulkerson: perhaps, but email is worse, and you're at work, so I don't think we can audio cuz youre at work
[10:33:37 AM] cj_fulkerson: as for what I feel, I'm not sure. I think I'm still trying to figure out what exactly to feel, because I'm debating how I feel about your reasons
[10:37:42 AM] cj_fulkerson: Dont worry about hurting me, I seriously doubt that there is anything you can do to hurt me. Being scared that you are going to mess things up is something else you shouldn't worry about, because you never know until you try, and always being scared of failure means that you wont get anything done. Taking the relationship too seriously is iffy, but I don't think that should scare you from a relationship either, it just means that you need to be careful on how far you go so that you don't possibly go overboard. Finally, about you getting hurt, that is iffy too, but that's just something you need to be careful about as well
[10:48:26 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: am i pushing you away?
[10:48:34 AM | Edited 10:48:37 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: i can't take back what i said
[10:49:21 AM] cj_fulkerson: are you asking if you are trying to push me away, or if you actaully are pushing me away?
[10:51:39 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: but i prefer saying something
[10:51:49 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: than saying nothing at all
[10:52:12 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: i guess this is the thing you were sayin that there are no assurance that things will be easier than before
[10:52:27 AM] cj_fulkerson: they wont be
[10:52:32 AM] cj_fulkerson: but are we still going to try?
[10:53:33 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: what do you want?
[10:53:54 AM] cj_fulkerson: sure
[10:58:03 AM] cj_fulkerson: if that is ok with you
[10:58:06 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: why?
[10:58:23 AM] cj_fulkerson: warum nicht
[10:58:46 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: as always you are socratic
[11:00:10 AM] cj_fulkerson: indeed
[11:00:26 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: why?
[11:00:32 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: why are bearing with me?
[11:00:48 AM] cj_fulkerson: becasue I believe it could be worth it in the end
Maria Helena Garcia
[11:01:24 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: i'm sorry for my crazy thinking last night
[11:01:37 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: im getting too iffy
[11:01:46 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: and somehow you bear with it
[11:01:56 AM] cj_fulkerson: its ok
[11:02:00 AM | Edited 11:02:17 AM] cj_fulkerson: Thou art forgiven
[11:02:03 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: haha
[11:02:20 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: go to maryland and see me
[11:02:24 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: haha
[11:03:03 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: so are we still in a relationship?
[11:03:10 AM] cj_fulkerson: I think so
[11:03:50 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: you are not sure?
[11:03:55 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: where is the conviction?
[11:03:59 AM] cj_fulkerson: you
[11:03:59 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: can you do video?
[11:04:10 AM | Edited 11:04:19 AM] cj_fulkerson: I'm for the relationship, are you?
[11:04:27 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: definitely!
[11:04:36 AM] cj_fulkerson: ok, sounds good
[11:04:42 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: can you do video?
[11:04:49 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: did you eat already?
[11:05:58 AM] cj_fulkerson: we can do video later
[11:06:03 AM] cj_fulkerson: I haven't eaten yet
[11:06:33 AM] cj_fulkerson: I should probably do that now
[11:09:18 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: ok
[11:09:20 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: sure
[11:09:32 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: hey bring back your status
[11:09:48 AM] cj_fulkerson: are you stalking me on facebook?
[11:10:07 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: it is a mutual thing
[11:10:21 AM] cj_fulkerson: perhaps
[11:10:28 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: please
[11:10:59 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: hey.. will you or will you not?
[11:11:12 AM] cj_fulkerson: I just did
[11:11:25 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: go eat now
[11:11:33 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: yumyum!
[11:11:35 AM] cj_fulkerson: and take a nap?
[11:11:54 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: just be sure we can talk later ok
[11:12:27 AM] cj_fulkerson: ok, with telephone or skype?
[11:12:48 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: both?
[11:12:57 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: if possible
[11:12:59 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: but if not
[11:13:03 AM] cj_fulkerson: ok, later then
Maria Helena Garcia
[11:13:07 AM] cj_fulkerson: have a good day
[11:13:18 AM] Maria Helena Garcia: where is my hug and kiss?
[11:13:45 AM] cj_fulkerson: mwah, *hug*


Friday, May 21, 2010

Gone too soon. RIP: Hannah Rayos

Gone too soon. These three words describe how I feel about you leaving our physical world. Listening to this song just makes me sadder. The lyrics speak for itself. Hannah Rayos, you are "Born to amuse, to inspire, to delight." Hannah Rayos, you are not just a comet, a rainbow, a sunlight, a castle or a...perfect flower…... Hannah Rayos, you have been and will always be an angel to me.. to everyone... and now you are an angel of God. Gone too soon.


Hannah Rayos.

They made me believe in soul mates. I know you two will be together again.


Hannah and I were exchanging messages in Facebook. We were suppose to talk on the phone. But she was busy same as me. She sent a text that promised me that she will call me. She was supposed to call me yesterday.. but she never did. Today should have been a good day because it was Cj and I's first month celebration of our in-a-relationship-status. But it wasn't really a good day. We did not have an argument or something but it was losing a dear friend of mine that saddened my day. It was this morning that I knew the sad truth. Hannah passed away. She wasn't and wouldn't be able to call me anymore.

What if I was able to call you? What if we were able to see each other before you left? What if?! Too bad that I never had a chance to have a voice conversation with you or even see you in the last 4 years. I remember when you texted before you left for the states to bid a temporary goodbye but now this is a different goodbye - a really shocking and painful one.

I have always believed that Love and the happiness with it has an expiration. I am cynical about relationships. But somehow Hannah and Russ' love for each other made me take a better look at love. Look at their wedding site. They are just so in love. They look so perfect together. They are engaged and going to get married on August. They are going to live a happy happy life. They made me believe in soul mates (which before I think was just a topic I defined in a speech back in college). They have the perfect fairytale love story. I was like telling my brother, Cj and my friends here in Maryland about them and how marvelous their love is. But somehow I guess God has other plans for her.. for them. I will still believe in love. I know their love for each other is eternal. They are soul mates. Hannah and Russ will meet again and will be together eternally.

I don't want to ask why. I just have to trust the Lord and his Plan for the two of them and the rest of the people surrounding them.

Lord, please take care of Hannah. Give her a hug from me. And please watch over her family. Please let them know that you did what you did because of a certain reason.

Hannah, I love you. I will miss you.
I will forever remember and keep you in my heart.
Thank you for being a great friend to me.

"I am still at shock. I was suppose to talk to you last night and other night. Magchihikahan pa tayo. Bibisitahin pa kita diyan. What happened?! all i can do right now is cry and pray. I miss you hannah. I want to understand but I can't. I love you."
(My comment the moment I knew about the sad news)

*Photos are from Hannah's Facebook Account. Forgive me Hannah. I just can't help but grab some pictures from your profile.


Reply to Subject: Hey (From Cj)

I guess it is different talking about this sensitive stuff on IMs. I really understand you. It may not seem though but I do. I have also a different way of coping up with death and loss. Talk is cheap but I guess I am expected to seem more sensitive at this. I am not as religious as you are. I am not very intellectual regarding the Bible or the word of God. I still have a lot to learn on that aspect of life. But I am really willing to learn. I hope you can help me learn and grow in that aspect. Like what you said, for it is with God that we met and as such that we must include Him in our relationship.

Mom and I are like twins. We were inseperable. I was like her other half. So when she died, people were worried that I might crumble or be really depressed about it. But I didn't. Yes, people have always perceived me as the strong type after all the things I've been through. I have to admit that I am. My family admired me on how I dealt with the loss and how we are moving on. I was raised by my mom to be really strong and determined. I guess I just have a high tolerance for pain. I know where Mom is right now. And I am happy that she is in a place where she deserves to be - heaven, her happy place. She is dead but she will forever live my heart.

I believe that God has a master plan for everyone and everything. My mom's death is a testimony to that and as such each person/entity is a testimony to His plan. Death happens to everybody. Everyone dies. Everyone goes to that state. It is a fact of life. Some experience it early, some experience it later in their life. It is that attachment to the person who dies that makes it harder to accept that that person is gone. The body decays but the spirit lives on. It is what the person lives behind that makes the person immortal on earth. It is death that bridges one person to another universe way beyond the physical world that we have. A universe that can't be explained by our mere intelligence. I remember the show Joan of Arcadia regarding what I am saying.

By the way, what are your thoughts on karma and reincarnation?

What do you mean, 'when I mourn, I don't turn towards others'? It is saying that keeping the mourning to oneself. I believe some people tend to talk about a loss to others as a way to ease one's pain or to celebrate the life of the person who died. Talking to another person (not expecting an advice or sentiment) about a loss - in its plainest sense just having someone to listen is great way of comfort. I have the option to not talk to you about the aforementioned stuff but I think I should and I have to. So where I am heading with this? I just want to clarify that I wasn't expecting you to really comfort me. I kind of have the idea of how you deal with things. I have my own ways of coping up. I was just expecting a conversation. I guess I just blurted out words that are different from what I really meant. I have always thought about us discussing about these stuff wherein you will open something ideological or philosophical about things - in this case death. I guess we haven't 'talked' really that much. We still need to improve on how we converse. The IM's doesn't make up for the real things that we want/should talk about.

But with all these in mind, I am still grateful that we clarified what needs to be clarified, improve what needs to be improved and just having the willpower to work things out. About Patrick's situation, i really appreciate what you've shared. I know it may take a while for you to open things like those to me. But I'll be patient. And I am here for you. I am not just a girlfriend, I am also a friend. I want to serve a double purpose.:) We still have a lot of things to know about each other. I just want to know if you are in the same boat as mine regarding all these matters.

Have a great night. Take care on your way home. Or if you get to read this tomorrow, good morning.


Happy 1 month! :)

Happy one month! Here is a cake a I tried to draw

Yours truly


No expectations. I am so used to having an email from Cj when I open my mail early in the morning. But no email. After a few hours, I received an email with this image. I guess he remember dates. Now I know, that this day (21st of every month) is a not-so-ordinary-calendar-day after all. more months....and then... and then... and then... :-)

Pilipinas!!! (Philippine Embassy I mean..)

We had to go to Washington, DC to get the Special Power of Attorney (SPA) get notarized. After mama's death, we need an SPA to handle all her assets that are on her name to be handled by someone assigned by the majority in our family (my dad, brother and me). Having a notarized document is hard when you are in a foreign land because you still need the rights from your mother land. Or even having the family apart is really hard.

Embahada ng Pilipinas
(Embassy of the Philippines, Washington, District of Columbia)

Some wall art in Washington, DC.
I took this photo while the car was driving. Lucky shot.

This is what Cj calls an "Asian style picture". *The peace sign.*

Thank you Kuya Ben for taking me to my dad and I to the embassy. I love you so much.

Also, thank you for bringing me to the Chick-fil-A. I have added another fastfood on my list.

PS Next Destination: White House
Dream Job: Economic Advisor of the President or just work in the White House. :)

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


I just had the urge to search this from the gazillion documents I have in the memory bank of my computer. This is a paper I did back in my second semester of my sophomore year (2nd Semester, AY 2007-2008) in my Communications III class back in the University of the Philippines.

One of the great experiences I have with mama. I just have to post this for you mama. I miss you mama.


Garcia, Maria Helena S.



Read Speech


What should I buy? Siopao? Donuts? Or cake? I confess. I am an addict. I am not really sure how it all started. All I know is that I needed it. I am so psyched about doing it that it has become a weekly ritual. It is my only pleasure – my true obsession. I don’t mind the hours, the pollution, the people – everything. All that matters is I go home and be with my family. That is my addiction – going to a place I call home. The very word of it gives me the ‘kiligs’. The mere thinking of them makes me miss them even more. So why do I travel for four hours, suffer back pains, and endure hunger just to see them? The simple answer is l-o-v-e. I love my family to the last molecule.

I arrive at home at about 3:30 pm. As I open our gates I shout and call on my mama. Then, I pay my respect to my parents. My father says: “My daughter, how are you?” I answer with a happy tone; “Fine and thank you sir.” Then we would start to laugh. I would then bring out my pasalubong for the week; then my kuya would show up. Mama would then ask if I already ate then she would tell that she cooked sinigang for me. As I reheat the sinigang, I switched on the TV and watch ‘Let’s Go’. Mama would then ask questions about school and everything else. Being a wreck after the whole trip, I couldn’t answer rightfully. Mama gets a little irritated and says: “masyado ka namang suplada” subsequently she decides to just sleep again. We are about to go mass at 5 pm. It is already 4:45 and mama is still on the bathroom. Papa calls on her. Mama answers; “Andiyan na. tara na. tara na si rin.” Then I butt in by saying; “Si Mama naman, madali ng madali eh asa banyo pa.” At about 5:20 we arrive at the church. We are just in time for the homily of the priest. While the priest reads his homily, mama starts again to ask me questions. Papa then pushes my leg down and says it’s improper to put one’s leg up during mass. As I feel the pangs and gnaws of my body due to the demands of the week; magical voices starts to fill the air. The choir started to sing. My spirit starts to awaken and liven up. Oh the calmness and serenity their voices bring. After the mass, papa goes home while mama and I go to the flea market. We go to market to buy some fruits and desserts for dinner. At this time, mama and I start to converse about the latest happenings. Afterwards, we have our dinner. We talk. We laugh. We watch TV. We bond. And if time permits, I give facial services, manicure and pedicure. This is my typical Saturday – simple yet meaningful. And my Sunday is left for all the paper works and projects that I have to rush in advance.

So what keeps me going home even for just a number of hours despite the hassles it brings? The answer is the love I feel whenever I am with them. I’ll tell you the truth. I am scared. I may look tough. I may look strong. I may look mature. But somewhere inside me is a kid - a kid who always gets excited whenever she sees her mama, papa and kuya. I almost lost my dad a year ago when he had a mild stroke, and I don’t want that to happen again. My parents aren’t getting any younger and I want as much as possible to be with them. My parents just retired recently from work and when they decided to retire in the province. I did not complain. It was fair enough for them. Words are not enough to explain why. If superman’s weakness is planet Krypton; mine is my family. So here I am sitting on the bus reminiscing my weekend, and I smile at having another chance to be with them. Now the question is what would I bring home for next weekend? Siopao? Donuts? Or cake?


P.S. I never thought that mama's always being sleepy was a symptom of her Diabetes. I never even thought that she will die. I wish I have known that she had Diabetes. Another 'what if?' in my life. .

Sonnet 116

By William Shakespeare

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

Within his bending sickle's compass come:

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,

I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

I miss you Mama.

Days have passed since you went to the higher heavens. I still can't believe you are gone. You are in a vacation forever. I try to write but I have many things to say about it you. I just don't know where to start. I may not admit it with my being stoic in character but I miss you.

I love you MAMA.

Talking by some 'skyped doodles'

Skype.. what will we do without you?! ;-)

May 18, 2010
- My doodle offering to Cj after I got him irritated with his assumption of 'Skype or No talk at all'.

May 19, 2010 - The day after, he sent his reply while we are doing skype.

[1:00:57 PM] CJ: when I draw these things, it literally looks like a 3rd grader...



[1:03:29 PM] CJ: that one was how the internet is allowing us to be together (A)

[1:03:40 PM] CJ: the other is just representing me missing u (B)

In addition:


happiness. :) This is a skype-video-snapshot from the "little kid" who made my heart skip a heartbeat. *dubdub* I hope to see you soon. (April 26, 2010)

From Cj to Me: A note

I got this email five days ago but the message still resonates in my mind. I hate it that I can't write especially when 'mushy' things happen. But I appreciate that I made someone write something good about "US". I ____ you! :)

Subject: A note

Let me try my hand at this. For the past few weeks, we have been declaring ourselves to be a couple, unavailable to others and "committed" to each other. Things have not necessarily been easy, just like they won't be in the coming future. You have your responsibilities and I have mine. There is roughly 7 hours of travel time between us, barring easy dating and accessibility to each other.

Yet, we find ourselves, or at least I do, growing closer and closer to one another as time moves on. I like you and you like me, and even though we don't use the word "love" yet, it seems to be more of a formality than anything else. To be honest, I want the first time we pronounce that word, as pertaining to us, to be in person (so we need to meet soon!)

On to "US". This concept that you have been bringing up, to proclaim to the world, denoting something greater than the two of us alone. What is this "US" that we speak of? Just a simple pronoun, indicating that we are a part of a mutual party? Perhaps, but I think that even if this is how we use the word now, which I sort of doubt, it is evolving into something with much greater meaning and importance than just a simple pronoun. For you see, what I am seeking, and what we just might be moving towards, is something that on our own we cannot hope to achieve. A gradual moving of us, as in you and I separate yet together as a party, from being two people who is looking for a lifelong partner, to "US", you and I together as one ready to face what Life wishes to throw at us.

This latter "US", this concept or idea greater and more beautiful than you and I alone...are we there yet? Probably not, to tell the truth. This is something that will take a long time to accomplish, years of hard work and dedication that will lead to something that, once we stand before God in the End, its offering up to Him will bring Him great joy and glory as an end result of bringing us together.

But I jump ahead of myself. Just what are we at now? I believe we are on that track. It is early on, but every journey has a start, and I believe this might be ours. Remember Jesus's parable about the mustard seed? I believe that we can be compared to that. If you want a geeky explanation, it takes two gametes to make a seed, and two we are, only we're people. Upon joining, they form a cell, which grows and divides and forms the seed. Granted, I doubt we'll be doing any dividing, for that sounds unpleasant, but the concept is the same, as we grow together and form the "seed". From that will come a little sprout and from that comes the tree, one that birds roost in. Imagine, something so small as a mustard seed producing a full blown tree. Likewise, at the moment, we are like the little seed, full of potential, ready to sprout given the resources, if we haven't sprouted already. Yet, this will one day become something whose glory and beauty could only be designed by God himself, a "tree" that others will marvel at and perhaps drawn inspiration and strength from. A powerful concept indeed.

In the meantime, where are we and what do we do? Well, we pray and work. I put pray first, because it is through God that we met up, and as such He is to be included in our relationship. In fact, he is to come first between us, which oddly enough doesn't mean that we have to choose between one or the other, but rather show even greater devotion to each other. Even if we cannot pray together at the moment, we can do so on the side for the strength and guidance we need to continue. And as for working, we remain persistent in pushing forward, even when things look tough or impossible. By pushing forward when we can, and relying on God when we can't, I'm sure we can make it to the "US" discussed earlier.

And so, these are some of my thoughts on the matter. I'm not sure if I told you them or not, but either way writing them down makes them seem more concrete. I hope this doesn't scare or upset you, this going into these deep of concepts this early on.

Christopher J Fulkerson