tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-73242479758819644632024-03-04T21:26:33.440-08:00pinay sa americaI am having the American Life and living the American Dream. schatzihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07345923258919065994noreply@blogger.comBlogger303125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7324247975881964463.post-1898039173888860982015-10-26T07:52:00.004-07:002015-10-26T07:52:52.229-07:00My trip to the Philippine Embassy in DC<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br />
<span><span class="Apple-converted-space">October 23, 2015</span></span><br />
<span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br />
<span><span class="Apple-converted-space"></span>I went to the Philippine embassy today to have my passport renewed. I waited patiently for 1.5 hours to be called. During the wait, I was able register as an overseas voter. My brother has been persistent for me to vote as an oversees Filipino. A part of me thinks that I shouldn't but a part of me still thinks my vote matter.</span><br />
<span></span><br />
<span>The night before, I was rushing to find my expired passport. I knew I misplaced it. I kno<span style="color: black;">w I did<span style="font-family: serif;"> not</span> </span>lose it. First thing in the morning, I called the embassy. Classic scenario, I had to call multiple times until a real person answered and when I was finally able to find someone he hangs up. Then I had to call a couple of times. The gentleman apologized but by that time I was already annoyed. I kept my composure and talked to him. I told him about my lost passport and asked what I should do. He gladly asked if I had a copy of it and I said yes. He said just bring it and it should be fine. I trusted his words. I asked what the website said but he emphasized that it should be fine. Unfortunately, I regret doing so. I should have put more time into researching what to do. But who should I believe the website or the person working at the embassy? I believed the person. The website might not be updated and the guy should know better because he works there.<span> </span></span><br />
<span></span><br />
<span>So #995 was called. I went to counter #1 slowly handing out my paper work when I was asked about my my passport. I told them that I talked to someone earlier and was told that it was not necessary. He said that if I was claiming a lost passport, I should have a police report for it and would have to pay $160 for it. Then he added, if that I thought it was just misplaced. I should just find it and file again.<span> </span></span><br />
<span></span><br />
<span>Pretty much by now, you guessed it right, my blood was boiling in annoyance. I wasted 2.5 hours for nothing. Good thing, some Filipino couple was keeping me company during the wait. That wastage could have been prevented if the man<span> <span class="Apple-converted-space"></span></span>on the phone provided me with accurate information. How will you respect an office if the people working in it doesn't know what his supposed to be work is. Providing wrong information is worse than not knowing. It shows a lack of respect and arrogance. Lack of respect for another person's time. Arrogance for being a know it all without not actually knowing.<span> </span></span><br />
<span></span><br />
<span>On my way back to the office, I thought to myself; being in the Philippine Embassy It felt like I never left the Philippines. Granted, my scenario can happen elsewhere. My experience in the Philippine embassy felt like home in a way that I don't really miss.<span> </span></span><br />
<span></span><br />
<span>This makes me feel that I have experienced an unjustified existence in my life. How can this happen. How can it be the same even if I am on the other side of the world and a different zip code? Probably because some things don't change even with a different zip code.<span> </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br class="Apple-interchange-newline" /></div>
</div>
binibinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03239422861203334492noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7324247975881964463.post-74686595730518815012015-01-06T08:30:00.003-08:002015-01-06T08:43:02.748-08:00Killing the demons for 2015!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
All throughout my life I struggled with the concept of
beauty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never let it define me but it
did become an insecurity at times. My beautiful mother always made me feel beautiful
and appreciated. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She always reminded me
that other people’s perception of me doesn’t matter until I let them be.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
My mother was the epitome of beauty and grace. I get
compared to her a lot. They said that I looked like my father. I wasn’t sure if
that was supposed to be bad thing or a good thing.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn4juXGcCsjRFQX4BFtljEkU4T6aHYjLD_oszFWCxR9INjudYf4gubO-Vbuoj6SfapxaO2wH1H5Xblww1ylqFWDWXFfh_wlqGlnJ029VLqnQjlVp_XFyIqp6O7_a2sn2Bzg1ohLjjpXcJj/s1600/29607_10151122952652231_234577852_n.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn4juXGcCsjRFQX4BFtljEkU4T6aHYjLD_oszFWCxR9INjudYf4gubO-Vbuoj6SfapxaO2wH1H5Xblww1ylqFWDWXFfh_wlqGlnJ029VLqnQjlVp_XFyIqp6O7_a2sn2Bzg1ohLjjpXcJj/s1600/29607_10151122952652231_234577852_n.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkif5h7WtSQe2WPvr0zt-2KMi-N32wR_rWuJwcSe9mxaSEppHfIopSty4kg78Jx_l-RtJQ6AIQ2p2zobtIUi4C7-6-kGCEBmslKdl5TPDf9WNJ6wM89k2fLHdkLyiUh3_eSOA1UWCqehtZ/s1600/297566_10150299863132231_227386765_n.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkif5h7WtSQe2WPvr0zt-2KMi-N32wR_rWuJwcSe9mxaSEppHfIopSty4kg78Jx_l-RtJQ6AIQ2p2zobtIUi4C7-6-kGCEBmslKdl5TPDf9WNJ6wM89k2fLHdkLyiUh3_eSOA1UWCqehtZ/s1600/297566_10150299863132231_227386765_n.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Mom </b></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was fairly a skinny kid. I started gaining weight around 8
or 9 years old. When I was 7 years old, I was molested by playmate’s older
brother. He told me I was pretty. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
never told anyone about it until I was in college and had my first boyfriend. Looking
back now, that affected me more than I thought. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The weight gain didn’t bother me as much. I still felt
normal. When I reach 10 years old, the teasing started. That was that virus of
insecurity started multiplying. There were times that I did cry and my mom was
ready to console. She was great at making me feel the best at my worst. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was still part of the IT group. I was in a
small school and we grew up together so we all had to be friends. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was just the fat one of the group. I graduated
as salutatorian in grade school. I excelled despite the insecurities that were
building inside me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCtoiOzyV4xPZQ_5vy6X5G4fAlp6-LTTCsHMwaCTr5_VHljXbn8LIr10iv6cB3RzNF2ymjs-n_OulMQXuTnA2dgUWDjkTQtpSRzoEeaCfRUJoIdAresJnQHoqhHGx1uWCLYoeKHU9-1za1/s1600/148760_455542127230_2651416_n.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCtoiOzyV4xPZQ_5vy6X5G4fAlp6-LTTCsHMwaCTr5_VHljXbn8LIr10iv6cB3RzNF2ymjs-n_OulMQXuTnA2dgUWDjkTQtpSRzoEeaCfRUJoIdAresJnQHoqhHGx1uWCLYoeKHU9-1za1/s1600/148760_455542127230_2651416_n.jpg" height="212" width="320" /></a></span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvjAiJourqNon5RKoFJGbfr9ddGYSFoYv1xzS4ANuLJT594rS3wCsuureTYrB0HTyeSj3suwLeRZjn6uUxho1vpyPSZvpCQ7zp8uBLUfowlVa-41ncRnf1dyIgjvtDUtlXaARkpQ1ak-eF/s1600/26506_387082927230_72593_n.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvjAiJourqNon5RKoFJGbfr9ddGYSFoYv1xzS4ANuLJT594rS3wCsuureTYrB0HTyeSj3suwLeRZjn6uUxho1vpyPSZvpCQ7zp8uBLUfowlVa-41ncRnf1dyIgjvtDUtlXaARkpQ1ak-eF/s1600/26506_387082927230_72593_n.jpg" height="235" width="320" /></a></div>
My childhood pics<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvjAiJourqNon5RKoFJGbfr9ddGYSFoYv1xzS4ANuLJT594rS3wCsuureTYrB0HTyeSj3suwLeRZjn6uUxho1vpyPSZvpCQ7zp8uBLUfowlVa-41ncRnf1dyIgjvtDUtlXaARkpQ1ak-eF/s1600/26506_387082927230_72593_n.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I moved to another school for high school. It was hard
starting in a new school when you are a nobody. You are the typical pretty
girl. I didn’t go to these people in grade school so I couldn’t reconnect. I
struggled with relationships and having one. I was tall and big for most men so
I wasn’t wantable. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everyone was
superficial. It is just the way it is. Either you are smart or pretty. If you
are both then that is a jackpot. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
graduated with honors. I was accepted to a premier university. I knew I was
pretty, smart, and adorable but it wasn’t showing in my physical appearance.
All they saw what this chubby girl with breakouts and not so perfect teeth. I
had great confidence but I still felt invisible. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I became anorexic for a year in high school and my mom
worried and push me into eating right. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It happened when my grandfather died. Then The
year after, my dad lost his job, and I started gaining weight again. I felt
guilty for being big again.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I wanted change. During my sophomore year in college, I went to a dermatologist and had facials
to clear my skin. Got braces. Lost weight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I became noticeable. I was the same person with the same wit and
intelligence yet I felt that people started treating me differently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was getting asked on dates. I became
admirable. It dawned on me how shallow society is. How I was judged and
labeled. Family relatives told me that I looked more like my mother now.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5rnrUYcgC6tNDBoDjhghhvjbG1zNztF6u_d24068_796W7xucP3WrcQOwmy5LrbJzdlcCQxyFTMIZ1lZZkcGtOBeAKtKgzgSuWkdweN9trVBtRSYqhHlbtiSP8riZcHFtUbKTanN9ISNC/s1600/1935820_136107027230_816480_n.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5rnrUYcgC6tNDBoDjhghhvjbG1zNztF6u_d24068_796W7xucP3WrcQOwmy5LrbJzdlcCQxyFTMIZ1lZZkcGtOBeAKtKgzgSuWkdweN9trVBtRSYqhHlbtiSP8riZcHFtUbKTanN9ISNC/s1600/1935820_136107027230_816480_n.jpg" height="320" width="226" /> </a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
College grad pic </div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had such confidence that I never thought. I excelled in
everything. I was doing great in my classes. I dated the guy I fell in love
with in my freshman year. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I even became
University Student Council President in my senior year.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I felt emptiness. I already knew how I was perceived. People
were liking me with the wrong premise. We are told to look good on the outside
so it reflects our inside because that is what people see. We need to be a
package deal. Unfair as it seems that is how we humans are. We are made to like
visually pleasing things. We like forms, symmetry, and perfection.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was size 10-12 when I moved to the US. Back in the
Philippines, I was considered fat.. extremely fat. Coping with my new life,
work struggle, and familial loneliness, I ran and controlled my calories. I ate
950 calories a day and ran for an hour. I became a size 8. It was the skinniest
I have ever been. I never thought I would be as hot as I could.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I still felt fat. I felt not me. When I
gained a little weight like a pound or two I was scrutinized. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My diet became an obsession. There was a time
I was even purged because I felt guilty that I ate. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnGD8KtMg2TFHozExCuHxgrjiVtiV5p2RDv-7l8DeiebIt12dWzwe1bD9ZhaK2AD8lx87MbomS8G-JBP3sOr2QCaE1-uPsqxsEatY0jyyuTnNbOp9aFyeWuer_nvzIT7pUKQ7A8r-jlqYZ/s1600/39169_417680032230_3509319_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnGD8KtMg2TFHozExCuHxgrjiVtiV5p2RDv-7l8DeiebIt12dWzwe1bD9ZhaK2AD8lx87MbomS8G-JBP3sOr2QCaE1-uPsqxsEatY0jyyuTnNbOp9aFyeWuer_nvzIT7pUKQ7A8r-jlqYZ/s1600/39169_417680032230_3509319_n.jpg" height="320" width="155" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM-rwyHO2QvBlJQ6c6JXpCYDqNnLQq3QyQ4Fihtsdgp_U9C71Hjosw3DOLt-a0B3nlTo-3qtC-wyc5Im1kHz3mX4DSO5bnmvJxSHKEFrijnNyCYJuCqB6ldxuhv0-qZBZ23b0_eZRkcqUW/s1600/1916200_406612057230_6714842_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM-rwyHO2QvBlJQ6c6JXpCYDqNnLQq3QyQ4Fihtsdgp_U9C71Hjosw3DOLt-a0B3nlTo-3qtC-wyc5Im1kHz3mX4DSO5bnmvJxSHKEFrijnNyCYJuCqB6ldxuhv0-qZBZ23b0_eZRkcqUW/s1600/1916200_406612057230_6714842_n.jpg" height="320" width="252" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidcOHjPTStJM92BVCX89e2YaVhfg9nnZGztSAci4doppc9BRmvjva1zI7CTPgrtmiBmpam6xegZXl7ic8WsT7rrWSkBqDbU0Tm2rOT0_t3WhD_l8w6fH2wyQ4Cu70tOs_vbFJ491u7465O/s1600/23685_382823592230_51481_n.jpg" /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
My skinniest</div>
<br />
I dated Christopher. He loved me for who I am. I quit my job
after a year and moved to Bethesda, Maryland. I worked multiple jobs until I
found a break at National Institutes of Health. The multiple jobs lead to me to
eat unhealthy, to overeat, and to stop running. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was gaining weight. The consciousness to
lose weight went outside the window since I have someone who loved me for who I
am. Christopher never judged me and made told me I was beautiful every day. I
had a lot of excuses. I try to justify my excuses are reasons but they weren’t.
They were just my escape goat. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Despite my weight game and my plump figure, I am healthy. I
eat healthy. My vitals are always good. I get physicals twice a year (one
mandatory from work and the other just my yearly one). But I still doubt
myself. Not as often anymore but I still judge myself every day. I already know
how I look and there are still people who tell me how I took as if I don’t
know. Don’t they realize that I actually look at myself every day.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Recently, I was called fat by a close family friend. I have
already heard it before. But I heard it again when she told another friend
about me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The thing about insult is it
hurts the most when it comes from someone close. They think they are helping by
being blunt but they are not. It has to be said a certain way for it to work.
It has to be a genuine concern not ridicule. It should be a request made from
love not a comment made of comparison.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So today, I pledge to lose weight (be healthier) not to
impress other people but to finally kill my demons that have haunting me for
the majority of my life. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is time that
I live myself not for other people but for myself. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This time this is for real. Time is running out. I am not
the same person back when I was 18 where I can yoyo. This is Real. This is it.
Good luck to me! Hello 2015.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnyxSki19NgAacHMZoWXc-A-DbkKytX0q65_nYlMYvF5wMi6jWfYssmVgE0n3Q09JXdfA6JRCoKjYZRi5EmOXTs1C2_IoBu7A8zddGQvpMuAI2D8N7l69sS1IEWKnbeP3kOO8jEdqmzkUp/s1600/10679716_10152501468737231_1612295401088479100_o.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnyxSki19NgAacHMZoWXc-A-DbkKytX0q65_nYlMYvF5wMi6jWfYssmVgE0n3Q09JXdfA6JRCoKjYZRi5EmOXTs1C2_IoBu7A8zddGQvpMuAI2D8N7l69sS1IEWKnbeP3kOO8jEdqmzkUp/s1600/10679716_10152501468737231_1612295401088479100_o.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-q0lHrYXnqGlohtHs5isqbHXqGQ-Oa_H5KkqQWQ1ZvEo_dkOTZ8udCuEIbN7_ncHTNmLu9k1nLgpJbgdpq4o2afhh2irwA2Fbhs2p23WwqpY_-fmSZCP9AHCSobE6TFfuvULe9vm6HA-Q/s1600/10885433_10152543866002231_4927427944440681176_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-q0lHrYXnqGlohtHs5isqbHXqGQ-Oa_H5KkqQWQ1ZvEo_dkOTZ8udCuEIbN7_ncHTNmLu9k1nLgpJbgdpq4o2afhh2irwA2Fbhs2p23WwqpY_-fmSZCP9AHCSobE6TFfuvULe9vm6HA-Q/s1600/10885433_10152543866002231_4927427944440681176_n.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiQkHaHSY8Rbj4xdRz2UbXda-73FcWoBehCS42ul3TmnBzCBCcZ4MkuCfQjcH0ReJGflyU5OnZk_75_4lJ5xaNtZFCIVFjqGmBLPmRBtmpU14m73780KvkVTuih7_ydnjGGxRE_E7_PwAs/s1600/photo.php.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiQkHaHSY8Rbj4xdRz2UbXda-73FcWoBehCS42ul3TmnBzCBCcZ4MkuCfQjcH0ReJGflyU5OnZk_75_4lJ5xaNtZFCIVFjqGmBLPmRBtmpU14m73780KvkVTuih7_ydnjGGxRE_E7_PwAs/s1600/photo.php.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Me now. </div>
</div>
</div>
binibinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03239422861203334492noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7324247975881964463.post-13489747232254309472015-01-05T06:06:00.001-08:002015-01-05T06:06:43.829-08:00If you are prepared to fail then you are ready to succeed. <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/editor/static_files/" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" gta="true" src="" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlU6mYN0CBQmibLlbcxIvwEcKGu_VMDU1lU8n2KsEU3nAuhkjjKj_A-uM_n6cuDQULG1HU6SuU8z09X9ISEUNtYEzeqovHVy2-BzIAb2vlQwhdaboWjqMc4y0Bs_q5ORkSjOCr4y62b4UC/s1600/If+you+are+prepared+to+failthen+you+are.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" closure_lm_947805="null" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlU6mYN0CBQmibLlbcxIvwEcKGu_VMDU1lU8n2KsEU3nAuhkjjKj_A-uM_n6cuDQULG1HU6SuU8z09X9ISEUNtYEzeqovHVy2-BzIAb2vlQwhdaboWjqMc4y0Bs_q5ORkSjOCr4y62b4UC/s1600/If+you+are+prepared+to+failthen+you+are.png" gta="true" height="640" width="426" /></a></div>
</div>
binibinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03239422861203334492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7324247975881964463.post-65937187324032489502013-12-24T20:33:00.001-08:002013-12-24T20:33:07.187-08:00Dear Papa<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Dear Papa,</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Every year I battle my feelings toward you. As the years progressed, my hope and faith of you is leaning towards anger and disappointment. And now that battle is turning into a daily one.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">You send me emails usually when you need something for your ‘big’ project and that is starting to irritate me. You feel that not having your precious book will ruin your grandeur plans even though they won’t. You believe that you never had failure.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">What happened to you? What happened to the person I admired and respected? You are very kind person but I’ve realized you haven’t been the ideal father that you are supposed to be. I know you tried to provide the best for us but it wasn’t enough. If it was enough, then we would go through hell if you did your job well.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Most people rejected you mostly your side of the family. And I do understand their side. And I did listen to your side. I helped you no questions asked because you are my father and you are my blood.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I hate that Filial Piety is the reason that links the two us but it is the only reason why I still I am still around supporting you.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Your grandeur and ambitious plans never went anywhere or saved Mama when she was sick. Your unfinished plans never really fed us when we were hungry or made us rich as you promised. Your broken promises made me realize how life was unfair and that promises are meant to be broken. Your ego and pride taught me that humility is better applied to succeed in life.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Like what I said, I appreciate everything you have done for us but it only lasted until I was in the 6<sup>th</sup> grade and after that Mama took MOST of the responsibilities.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I admired you a lot that when you criticized my writing when I was 10 that I even considered quitting writing but I never let your criticisms ruin me. And I am glad I did. I realized that you never take a criticism from a person who wouldn’t even take a criticism.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I appreciate all the math lectures. The money you provided in grade school and the fancy things I had when I was kid. But that was it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Most people want to be like their father, I wasn’t one of them. I wanted to have Mama’s traits but I didn’t want to end up like her and how she suffered the hardships. Because she didn’t deserve any of those. We can start blaming whoever but everything has been done and we should just move on. If you love someone, you will give them the best no questions asked.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> I was scared of becoming like you. I was scared of failing and having unfinished plans that sometimes it stopped me from trying because I didn’t want to be you. I didn’t want to be just a dreamer.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> I am not proud that I became a somewhat of a hoarder. A trait that I got from both mama and you. And you would never admit that you are a hoarder. Look at our in the Philippines. It looks like trash pit. I wouldn’t even want to go live there if not only because that is where I grew up.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I appreciate when you try to help in the apartment but it is not enough. I would appreciate if you do more in the house. You have a lot of free time anyways. You might want to experience how elders are served in the Philippines. In here, you serve yourself. Even in Christopher’s house it is like that. You have to start to get used to that.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I am a frank person and you can talk to me but I feel disrespected when you walk away when we talk to you. Or when you come out of your room only when we are out. Or it would have been nice to know who you are giving our phone number or address out. You are my father but you are also in our home. You never even try hard enough to be bring forth initiative.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">It is time you grow up and put your ego aside. Start accepting criticisms. Learn to admit. Stop being defensive. And realize that not everything is spoon-fed. There is a time in your life when you have to be ambitious and there is a time when you have to learn to keep your feet on the ground.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I am not asking you to be rich. I am not asking you the world. For once, be realistic.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">It pains me that as the days go on, you have become a stranger in my home. You just seem to be a freeloader or a tenant. It pains me that I have to deal with your medical woes. You made yourself worse when you went home. If you have really appreciated all that I have done for you, you should have done better. You should stop using the excuse “ I don’t know”. That is a lousy excuse for a man.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I will still pay your medical bills. And it pains me to do that. To be honest, I question myself for doing it. The best reason I can come up is because you are my father and that is pretty much it. Filial piety as they call.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">You can brag all you want on what you are doing. But that doesn’t make up for everything that happened to me. I am thankful for the kind things you did but I am more thankful to Mama to where I am now. I hope she could have enjoyed what you have now.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">So as you read this letter, I don’t expect you to understand. I know you will hide in your room and escape confrontation and ignore criticisms like you do. I am used to that and learnt to deal on that.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I hope for the first time, you put other people first before yourself.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Life is not easy. I hope you know that by now. But you can’t work through life by always expecting other people to clean up your mess. You have to work to make things happen.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Also, money don’t go on trees. You can’t just make millions by just staying on the computer unless you are an IT programmer or you are Bill Gates. Business involves trust and capabilities. I really wish you the best on what you are doing right. But I don’t expect anything from or I believe there will be something of it. My 15 year old self might have applauded but the 25 year old wouldn’t.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I have learned the hard way what is hard work and how to succeed in America. And you wouldn’t be freely doing what you are doing right now and having a roof on your head if it wasn’t my years of sacrifice here with no family or no permanent home.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">You weren’t available when I needed a parent. I didn’t feel a consoling father when I needed one. I just became the daughter who sent money to the Philippines and made things happen. Mind you. I was 21 when I became the breadwinner of this family. And I lost my hero, Mama. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I asked you if you are willing to work in Kmart and you said you are ok with it. I wasn’t forcing you but suggesting you to. You agreed and that was great. Until, you changed your mind without telling us and just doing your fruitless research. It would have been nice to let us know. I just want you to have a more meaningful existence. But anyhow, I still let you do what you want.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">In short, I got mad when I read this latest email of yours regarding your books and research. I grew up with your plans and research and all your brags and all that questions. I am just TIRED AND MAD about hearing about them again and again and you showing off those letter of O’Malley and other people. And where has those plans have gone? I am not that 12 year old anymore who praise and believe everything you said was real. I know how to differentiate dreams and reality now.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Things might not have been perfect before or didn’t go as plan. And I know you don’t want to admit that. But it is never too late. You can just be a simple person/father right now and be a normal person. Why don’t you be the father that you should have been?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I hate to send this this Christmas. I AM NOT PERFECT AND WILL NEVER BE. I don’t want any material things….all I want is peace in my heart and no anger.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I write this to you not to wish you harm but to say my piece. This letter doesn't mean to offend and I apologize if it did. And finally, thank you for making me write this email because I was able my set my feelings free after so many years.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I wish you well, Merry Christmas.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Maria</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">PS. I told more than 3 times, we are not near CJ storage unit. I cannot get them right now. Try and be more resourceful since you have all time in the day. When we go there next year, I will let you know.</span></div>
<div class="adL" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<div class="im" style="color: #500050;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="gmail_quote">
On Tue, Dec 24, 2013 at 9:00 PM, IG wrote:<br /><blockquote class="gmail_quote" style="border-left-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; margin: 0px 0px 0px 0.8ex; padding-left: 1ex;">
<div style="font-family: 'times new roman', 'new york', times, serif; font-size: 14pt;">
<div>
</div>
<div>
Merry Christmas to all</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
Can you ask about my books and the CD where the Engine Designs are, I hope they are still there, a) an old book about designing an engine including testing it b) about Synthesis and Analysis, similar to this words, I can't remember exactly, a chapter in single cylinder engine design and the software on the CD. I don't know if there was a third book. This are important for our project with Bobby Huang. It will be gratefully appreciated.</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
Papa</div>
</div>
</blockquote>
</div>
</div>
</div>
binibinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03239422861203334492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7324247975881964463.post-83315478714816007152013-12-16T15:28:00.000-08:002013-12-16T15:28:09.973-08:00F*ck this!I always thought that 24 hours is not enough for me to finish all that I need to do. Go to the gym, study, clean the apartment, cook dinner and post online. But right now, as I sit and stare at my computer, I realized I have more than enough time. I have just been consumed of "stuff" that I forgot myself. I forgot what it means to be fine. I just want to get stuff done that I forgot what it is to be me.
It is during this time of silence that I realize the feeling of emptiness that I have. It reminds me the feeling of not having a mother to cry on. It reminds me that I am no longer a child but an adult stuck in a world of the unknown.
I cried today and I am trying to figure out why. I have gained 65 pounds in the last two years. I have developed some acne and my eye bags become darker. I might have become more mature but I have become more sad that I was 3 years ago.
Usually, I know what to do or I try to know what to do. At this moment, all I can do is procastinate and hope that everything will work out fine.
Take each day as it comes.
F*ck this! I need to be happy.
To my brother, work your ass off. You don't talk to me like I owe my life to you. You just don't message me and tell me to send you money when you get a monthly stipend from our grandparent's fund.
To my dad, where did my hero go? How did you become this stranger that lives in my own home? I hope for once you become my Father and make me feel that I am your daughter. And please stop trying those imports/exports that won't work, they just make me mad because it reminds me of how your dreams never helped us save Mama.
Amen.binibinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03239422861203334492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7324247975881964463.post-11133620483922211832013-10-23T06:49:00.003-07:002013-10-23T06:49:43.170-07:00I am enough.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html?source=facebook#.UlQspvD8iTh.facebook"> Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability </a><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeeCPoy8UIwJ94MFU2DOdvWbKZjO6YKrDU8tyJzNsp35ik1QMYCb9nRyrDdLtR7XXGZPdDcbkaEqViFcjnZOjW4YF1mpytpF84PuxL7u68M54X3mfDZMLuj4F7ts749Scdl-Sj299P4q-6/s1600/Brene_Brown_on_vulnerability2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="230" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeeCPoy8UIwJ94MFU2DOdvWbKZjO6YKrDU8tyJzNsp35ik1QMYCb9nRyrDdLtR7XXGZPdDcbkaEqViFcjnZOjW4YF1mpytpF84PuxL7u68M54X3mfDZMLuj4F7ts749Scdl-Sj299P4q-6/s400/Brene_Brown_on_vulnerability2.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>I am ENOUGH. </b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR9yy0AwwMWaQSyxFgdfkwLEkchwCkTYkRws3n-QhI69scN_F25FMl9OhP15DWNdYwaQ2avuX6O_pRBuzzskrhq8tw0Jhfqv7kCbY-kfBC4gFHW3smGRR7IaG5Wc5qXm9TgyYEPrYBtBrY/s1600/21library.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="244" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR9yy0AwwMWaQSyxFgdfkwLEkchwCkTYkRws3n-QhI69scN_F25FMl9OhP15DWNdYwaQ2avuX6O_pRBuzzskrhq8tw0Jhfqv7kCbY-kfBC4gFHW3smGRR7IaG5Wc5qXm9TgyYEPrYBtBrY/s320/21library.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
(c) www. postsecret.com</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisUpidz4Txv2J1dW30dqGeq9snkKgtapQZ0kVZx4pADo8ktkmvu9ZmHb5nBaSk23e-Bg9IaeCXYo4F8brJGTIjxPdXUs1YO7ypTPPogi3MjNm8Bm2A6v8Xlxdiw3-KDh6hU9pkCG6b7hMy/s1600/sometimes_you_have_to_be_your_own_hero-24311.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="243" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisUpidz4Txv2J1dW30dqGeq9snkKgtapQZ0kVZx4pADo8ktkmvu9ZmHb5nBaSk23e-Bg9IaeCXYo4F8brJGTIjxPdXUs1YO7ypTPPogi3MjNm8Bm2A6v8Xlxdiw3-KDh6hU9pkCG6b7hMy/s320/sometimes_you_have_to_be_your_own_hero-24311.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
(c) www. postsecret.com</div>
<br />
<br />binibinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03239422861203334492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7324247975881964463.post-34627286989635778602013-10-23T06:42:00.003-07:002013-10-23T06:42:55.759-07:0010/08/2013: <span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #37404e; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 17.99715805053711px; orphans: auto; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">People camping to be the First 100 customers for the opening of the Chick-fil-a Rockville tomorrow. I should camp too since I'm furloughed. Hahahahha</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #37404e; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 17.99715805053711px; orphans: auto; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6boCb0Uja32-ldF2RMnunispdNVdt6kn_qXwfRngExDXuZEpss0jcZPX7XcaNv6ySk3rLPAUIeUt1oNUJK-lP1eNZ-1ypGhNnmUgtyo1YBtMIhKp_kLK1SC6_1Ud2pmyGpEf518usHhiT/s1600/1383816_10151657241282231_898726082_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6boCb0Uja32-ldF2RMnunispdNVdt6kn_qXwfRngExDXuZEpss0jcZPX7XcaNv6ySk3rLPAUIeUt1oNUJK-lP1eNZ-1ypGhNnmUgtyo1YBtMIhKp_kLK1SC6_1Ud2pmyGpEf518usHhiT/s400/1383816_10151657241282231_898726082_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
binibinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03239422861203334492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7324247975881964463.post-59860506158105248042013-10-23T06:41:00.002-07:002013-10-23T06:41:24.828-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwX5hdTBNHV8UNifXvIX_pZQf3scI_UNcsfSEGt3Hw-P0qD6yDIzGd8u3vlhxTzDFTIQWQF-I3i0z2kftAQIRN-JksIXWmUH4DmCjtyzIpTT7WBSurrl9oVoCMPbWui-RoLSgZ0j9RJSIB/s1600/564108_10151679685957231_363341100_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwX5hdTBNHV8UNifXvIX_pZQf3scI_UNcsfSEGt3Hw-P0qD6yDIzGd8u3vlhxTzDFTIQWQF-I3i0z2kftAQIRN-JksIXWmUH4DmCjtyzIpTT7WBSurrl9oVoCMPbWui-RoLSgZ0j9RJSIB/s1600/564108_10151679685957231_363341100_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwX5hdTBNHV8UNifXvIX_pZQf3scI_UNcsfSEGt3Hw-P0qD6yDIzGd8u3vlhxTzDFTIQWQF-I3i0z2kftAQIRN-JksIXWmUH4DmCjtyzIpTT7WBSurrl9oVoCMPbWui-RoLSgZ0j9RJSIB/s1600/564108_10151679685957231_363341100_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 17.99715805053711px; orphans: auto; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">10/21/2013: Sweet Monday surprise! Happy 42nd CJ!</span></span></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwX5hdTBNHV8UNifXvIX_pZQf3scI_UNcsfSEGt3Hw-P0qD6yDIzGd8u3vlhxTzDFTIQWQF-I3i0z2kftAQIRN-JksIXWmUH4DmCjtyzIpTT7WBSurrl9oVoCMPbWui-RoLSgZ0j9RJSIB/s1600/564108_10151679685957231_363341100_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwX5hdTBNHV8UNifXvIX_pZQf3scI_UNcsfSEGt3Hw-P0qD6yDIzGd8u3vlhxTzDFTIQWQF-I3i0z2kftAQIRN-JksIXWmUH4DmCjtyzIpTT7WBSurrl9oVoCMPbWui-RoLSgZ0j9RJSIB/s400/564108_10151679685957231_363341100_n.jpg" width="297" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 17.99715805053711px; orphans: auto; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 17.99715805053711px; orphans: auto; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"></span></div>
binibinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03239422861203334492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7324247975881964463.post-26076408598940700072013-09-05T04:57:00.001-07:002013-09-05T04:57:52.595-07:00I just got asked out on a date. An invite I found in my lunch bag. :)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi3QIWC7mKT9hggipXgvzCBAaJ6u-5QwiNcjaerLeeRrBFL7EA5CzrfMziACzKN5Nn1Rk1cRl6Rt7cZf5mKCMImCLcNwIGpXZd-e9IWunVj_EGx6YtDYWBC7wsV-RBLqip20rkElZS-2Y9/s1600/2383_001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi3QIWC7mKT9hggipXgvzCBAaJ6u-5QwiNcjaerLeeRrBFL7EA5CzrfMziACzKN5Nn1Rk1cRl6Rt7cZf5mKCMImCLcNwIGpXZd-e9IWunVj_EGx6YtDYWBC7wsV-RBLqip20rkElZS-2Y9/s640/2383_001.jpg" width="492" /></a></div>
<br />binibinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03239422861203334492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7324247975881964463.post-31603315358242906852013-08-30T07:31:00.000-07:002013-08-30T07:34:31.181-07:00<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; display: inline ! important; float: none; font-family: 'lucida grande',tahoma,verdana,arial,sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 17.9972px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">I can't make it through the day without a hairbrush (really). Today was almost a sad story until Cj found my hairbrush and gave it to me with a love note and a favorite chocolate. One thing and one person I can't live without. :-)</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; display: inline ! important; float: none; font-family: 'lucida grande',tahoma,verdana,arial,sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 17.9972px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; display: inline ! important; float: none; font-family: 'lucida grande',tahoma,verdana,arial,sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 17.9972px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha5O1RBp9zwyWMxzIFMoCkTcol8Vxwef3eddQ1aHkG5UJpiooqWRc_ObyeJRlEgflQH9Bs16WDq8ytQWYH3iwBTv1aAJCzxF8yekC1OnReNUY1OK5VKxlEccmr_aKv_3c2FMWOUmC_sL4j/s1600/photo+(47).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha5O1RBp9zwyWMxzIFMoCkTcol8Vxwef3eddQ1aHkG5UJpiooqWRc_ObyeJRlEgflQH9Bs16WDq8ytQWYH3iwBTv1aAJCzxF8yekC1OnReNUY1OK5VKxlEccmr_aKv_3c2FMWOUmC_sL4j/s400/photo+(47).JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #37404e; display: inline ! important; float: none; font-family: 'lucida grande',tahoma,verdana,arial,sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 17.9972px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><br /></span></span>binibinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03239422861203334492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7324247975881964463.post-63725399992188587142013-06-21T18:59:00.001-07:002013-08-30T07:37:32.514-07:00Yummy bingsoo for the first day of summer 2013.<br />
<br />
It makes me miss halo-halo. <br />
<br />
@ Sweet Berry in Fairax, VA <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB_3p9lfGc6fKSLWDtdzuOQh1ltM6Dmi7LDB5nBOnX-9G8BClHcrwhyphenhyphencw9RVSec7ORDI6MXHGTdCXHwENTzPka3N4ODnWu38gSNXX7AuWzDN1AIFzFT17x7MHICD1AvFXHw4KczzEpnRrD/s640/blogger-image-1174450558.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="299" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB_3p9lfGc6fKSLWDtdzuOQh1ltM6Dmi7LDB5nBOnX-9G8BClHcrwhyphenhyphencw9RVSec7ORDI6MXHGTdCXHwENTzPka3N4ODnWu38gSNXX7AuWzDN1AIFzFT17x7MHICD1AvFXHw4KczzEpnRrD/s400/blogger-image-1174450558.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
binibinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03239422861203334492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7324247975881964463.post-52841993461431190502013-06-13T17:31:00.001-07:002013-06-13T17:31:41.014-07:00Only in America: The American Dream<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #f2f2f2; color: #333333; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 18px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;">"I'm living the American dream now. America is the best country in the world. You guys just do not really know how blessed you are.... I'm so thankful for this country, which allowed me to survive and be happy." - Igor</span></span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #f2f2f2; color: #333333; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 18px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"></span></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #f2f2f2; color: #333333; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 18px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/uzdHOQw3R-E?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #f2f2f2; color: #333333; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 18px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"></span> </div>
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #f2f2f2; color: #333333; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 18px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><div class="hnews hentry item" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: black; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 16px/normal Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<div class="widget code html widget-editable viziwyg-section-4 inpage-widget-125411">
</div>
<div class="widget storyContent article title" style="color: rgb(39, 86, 153) !important; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin: 20px 0px 0px; padding: 5px 0px 0px;">
<h1 class="viziwyg-editable viziwyg-field-793676-TITLE viziwyg-section-7546" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 2.1em; font-weight: normal !important; line-height: 24px !important; margin: 0px 0px 10px;">
<img alt="Premium Article" class="premium" src="http://www.dallasnews.com/skins/dmn/gfx/premium-d12.png" style="border: 0px currentColor; padding: 0px;" title="Premium Article" /><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://www.dallasnews.com/news/community-news/richardson-lake-highlands/headlines/20121118-former-7-eleven-truck-driver-now-runs-his-own-richardson-store--exuberantly.ece">Former 7-Eleven truck driver now runs his own Richardson store — exuberantly</a></h1>
</div>
<div class="widget storyContent article byline" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; margin-top: 20px;">
<div class="byline">
<div class="Enterprise">
<div style="float: left; width: 305px;">
<div class="authorName" style="color: #333333; float: left; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif !important; font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; width: 310px;">
By SARAH MERVOSH</div>
<div class="authorCredit" style="color: #333333; float: left; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif !important; font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; width: 310px;">
Staff Writer</div>
<div class="authorEmail" style="color: #333333; float: left; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif !important; font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; width: 310px;">
<a href="mailto:smervosh@dallasnews.com" style="color: #005689; text-decoration: none;">smervosh@dallasnews.com</a></div>
<div class="authorDateline" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif !important; font-size: 0.65em; line-height: 1.65em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
<span class="label">Published:</span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>18 November 2012 11:12 PM</div>
<div class="authorDateline" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51) !important; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif !important; font-size: 0.65em; line-height: 1.65em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
<span class="label">Updated:</span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>19 November 2012 01:44 PM</div>
</div>
<div style="clear: both;">
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="wrappingContent " style="overflow: visible;">
<div class="widget storyContent article body" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; margin-top: 20px; overflow: visible;">
<div class="body viziwyg-editable viziwyg-field-793676-BODY viziwyg-section-7546" style="overflow: visible;">
<div class="entry-content" style="overflow: visible;">
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
Just after sunrise, the morning rush picks up at 7-Eleven. Igor Finkler — industrious immigrant, Beatles lover and the man who melted a CEO’s heart on national TV — rings up coffee for the bleary-eyed.</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
Wearing jeans and a red-and-black 7-Eleven shirt, he could be any immigrant making his way in America as a convenience store clerk. Except that behind him — past the cigarettes and near the taquito grill — is a framed photograph. There he is in a blazer and tie smiling with Oprah Winfrey and the head of 7-Eleven.</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
Finkler’s life changed in 2010 when he was featured on<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><em style="font-style: italic; overflow: visible;">Undercover Boss</em>, a CBS reality show in which corporate executives disguise themselves and work within their own companies. Finkler, then a truck driver for 7-Eleven, was paired with “Danny,” who was actually Joe DePinto, 7-Eleven’s president and CEO. After the show aired, DePinto stunned Finkler with a grand gift — his own store, on East Campbell Road near North Central Expressway in Richardson.</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
Two and a half years later, Finkler is learning the meaning of the American dream: Success doesn’t come without hard work — even when you’re handed the keys to your livelihood. He works more, sleeps less and gets paid about the same as when he drove trucks.</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
Still, having been thrust into leadership, Finkler is determined to make his store a haven of sorts for his customers. He gives an extra dollar in change now and again, paid out of his own wallet. He remembers names and asks about families. He smiles and does his best to make customers smile back.</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
With these small gestures, Finkler is doing his part to prove that anything — even a 7-Eleven — can be a force of good in this world.</div>
<div class="subhead" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif !important; font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
‘Undercover Boss’</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
Finkler is the man behind the register. The guy who cleans the bathroom and mops up spills. The one who’d be easy to ignore.</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
But he’s also an immigrant from Kazakhstan who holds a master’s degree in electrical engineering from his home country. He’s a former Soviet soldier who now keeps small American flags on shelves in the store’s backroom. He came to the U.S. in the mid-’90s seeking a better life for his wife, daughter and son.</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
In 2009, Finkler had been working as an overnight delivery driver for 7-Eleven for 10 years. One day, his boss told Finkler to train a new employee — something he’d done many times before. But this time, he was asked to sign paperwork so cameras could film him for a documentary about entry-level training.</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
The next day, Finkler was summoned to company headquarters. There, he learned the cameras had been for<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><em style="font-style: italic; overflow: visible;">Undercover Boss</em><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>and his “trainee” had been DePinto. At first, Finkler worried he might be fired. But DePinto loved him.</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
“He blew me away,” the CEO said at the time. “His truck was immaculate. Every store we went to, the employees loved him, and when I asked about overtime, he said I should be able to get my work done in eight hours. Any more would hurt the company.”</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
After the<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><em style="font-style: italic; overflow: visible;">Undercover Boss</em><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>episode aired in 2010, Oprah invited Finkler onto her show. That’s when DePinto surprised him with keys to his own 7-Eleven. The gift meant Finkler didn’t have to pay franchise fees or make a down payment, costs that total about $239,000 for an average store.</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
“I didn’t expect that the boss will appreciate it so much,” Finkler says. “To me, I just did my job.”</div>
<div class="subhead" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif !important; font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
The American dream</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
Running on energy drinks and water, Finkler has been at work since 4 a.m. It’s now after 7, and he raps his knuckles on the counter during a rare lull. He plays air guitar to the Creedence Clearwater Revival song coming from overhead speakers.</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
At 50, he is thin and balding. He wears a Bluetooth headset in one ear. Each time the front door opens, Finkler perks up. He throws his hands into the air and shouts, “Good morning! How are you, my friend?”</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
Finkler sets an example for his employees to follow. He engages his customers in a way that’s atypical for convenience stores — he once wore a sombrero and green sunglasses for a burrito sale.</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
He doesn’t allow himself to get tired, or, if he does, to show it. He remembers an expression from the Soviet army: “There are no sick soldiers — only dead or alive.” Finkler says he “simply cannot have a bad day.”</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
He puts in 60 to 80 hours a week. The store sees about 800 customers each weekday, and last month’s sales were up 8 percent from the previous year. But that’s still 30 percent below the market average. Finkler says that’s normal for the first few years of business, but not good enough. “Less than excellence is not accepted,” he says.</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
“He won’t quit until the job is done. He kind of expects others to act in the same way,” says his son, Sergei Finkler, who works at the store. “I often have to remind him, you know, this is not the army.”</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
Even when Finkler goes home for the night, he wonders how the store’s doing. “He’ll tell me, ‘I woke up and I couldn’t sleep. I was thinking about the business,’” Sergei, 23, says. “If it was his choice, he’d put a sleeping bag here in the office and just stay here.”</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
For all the hours Finkler puts in, he hasn’t given himself a raise since becoming a franchisee.<strong style="font-weight: bold; overflow: visible;"><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></strong>He says he makes about $600 a week after taxes — slightly more than he made as a truck driver, but much less if you figure it by the hour. He gives any extra money the store makes to his employees, whom he considers family.</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
Finkler doesn’t mind hard work. But in time, he hopes he’ll be able to work a little less and sleep a little more. Then he might have more time for hobbies like having movie nights with his wife, reading Mark Twain novels and skydiving with his family.</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
Until then, Finkler sits in the back room, surrounded by Airheads, packaged cookies and Matador beef jerky. He bobs his head as he sings the refrain from the Beatles’ “Across the Universe” — and almost gets it right.</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
“Nothing’s gonna change my mind …”</div>
<div class="subhead" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif !important; font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
‘Their paradise place’</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
Finkler knows money can’t buy him love — the Beatles taught him that. He doesn’t work for the pay. He works for these people: Jason, who has a newborn baby. Melissa, who looks forward to joking with Finkler in the mornings. Sam, who feels like he’s cheating if he goes to a different 7-Eleven.</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
“I love my customers,” Finkler says. “My customers are my guests, for whom I was waiting all my life.”</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
And they love him back. They know Finkler by name. They rave that the store is clean and the employees are friendly. They say they’ve never been to another convenience store like it.</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
“He makes your morning,” says Melissa Cohn, who stops in daily. “He really makes me want to come in.”</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
On his desk at home, Finkler keeps a ceramic tile that quotes Gandhi: “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
He wants his 7-Eleven to be a therapeutic environment — a place where customers can relax, laugh and forget about their problems. “This is their paradise place,” he says.</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
As Finkler works the register, Hope Cunningham Brown comes in. She works nearby at AT&T and often buys lottery tickets from him.</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
On this day, she tries her luck on a different number than usual. She starts to walk away, only to circle back when she realizes she forgot to pay for her coffee. Finkler waves her away and pays for it himself.</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
Walking away with coffee in hand, she smiles.</div>
<div style="font-size: 0.8em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px 0px 5px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
But Finkler beams.</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</span>binibinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03239422861203334492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7324247975881964463.post-85375176418222622402013-06-13T17:25:00.005-07:002013-06-13T17:25:41.275-07:00Forgiveness<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #37404e; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 18px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">"Forgiveness is a heavy-duty word. I don’t know that I forgave my father. I’m not even sure what that means................<strong>Those conversations don’t cancel out the years of trauma and neglect. But neither does the bad cancel out those final moments of grace.</strong> Both are true. I hold both in my heart, and I am grateful. In the year before he died, I got to love my father — some."</span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #37404e; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 18px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"></span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #37404e; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 18px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><h6 class="kicker" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: black; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 1em/1.4em arial, helvetica, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: uppercase; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
</h6>
<h6 class="kicker" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: black; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 1em/1.4em arial, helvetica, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: uppercase; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
</h6>
<h6 class="kicker" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: black; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 1em/1.4em arial, helvetica, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: uppercase; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
MODERN LOVE</h6>
<h1 class="articleHeadline" itemprop="headline" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: black; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 2.4em/1.08em georgia, "times new roman", times, serif; letter-spacing: normal; margin: 0px 0px 8px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<nyt_headline type=" " version="1.0"><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/16/fashion/Do-Not-Adjust-Your-Screen-or-Sound-modern-love.html?pagewanted=2&ref=modernlove">Do Not Adjust Your Screen or Sound</a></nyt_headline></h1>
<nyt_byline style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 10px/15px georgia, "times new roman", times, serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><h6 class="byline" style="color: grey; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 1em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.2em; margin: 2px 0px;">
By<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span itemprop="author creator" itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Person"><span itemprop="name">HEATHER SELLERS</span></span></h6>
</nyt_byline><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 10px/15px georgia, "times new roman", times, serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"></span><h6 class="dateline" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: grey; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 1em/1.2em arial, helvetica, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
Published: June 13, 2013</h6>
<div class="articleBody" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 10px/15px georgia, "times new roman", times, serif; letter-spacing: normal; margin-bottom: 1.7em; margin-top: 1.5em; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span itemid="http://www.nytimes.com" itemprop="copyrightHolder provider sourceOrganization" itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Organization"></span><nyt_text><nyt_correction_top></nyt_correction_top><div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px;">
My computer screen filled with bosom. The bosom belonged to Dawn, the activities director at the care center in Florida where my father was living. She leaned over her laptop and shouted, “Can you hear us?”</div>
</nyt_text></div>
<div class="articleBody" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 10px/15px georgia, "times new roman", times, serif; letter-spacing: normal; margin-bottom: 1.7em; margin-top: 1.5em; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<div class="image" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 10px/15px georgia, "times new roman", times, serif; letter-spacing: normal; margin-bottom: 2px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<a href="javascript:pop_me_up2('http://www.nytimes.com/imagepages/2013/06/16/fashion/16MODERNLOVE.html','16MODERNLOVE_html','width=462,height=630,scrollbars=yes,toolbars=no,resizable=yes')" style="color: #666699; display: block; text-decoration: none;"><span itemid="http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2013/06/16/fashion/16MODERNLOVE/16MODERNLOVE-articleInline.jpg" itemprop="associatedMedia" itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/ImageObject"><img alt="" height="243" itemprop="url" src="http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2013/06/16/fashion/16MODERNLOVE/16MODERNLOVE-articleInline.jpg" style="border: currentColor;" width="190" /></span></a></div>
<h6 class="credit" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #909090; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 0.9em/1.22em arial, helvetica, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; margin: 0px 0px 3px; text-align: right; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
Brian Rea</h6>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
I leapt out of my chair, closed my office door. I was shaking. When Dawn stepped aside, I would see the father I hadn’t seen in years.</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
And never sober. My father smoked and drank around the clock. And he didn’t just chase women — he lunged for them. He met any intervention with violent rage. The large sum of money he inherited from his father slipped away to homeless drifters and lady friends from bars. He missed my graduations, my wedding, every birthday, every need. I was in my late 30s when I realized: This relationship might be too hard.</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
So I let him go. From afar, I orchestrated assisted living, necessary paperwork and medical power of attorney.</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
I didn’t see him. Until now.</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
I watched Dawn’s face, her long brown hair.</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
“We can hear you, but we can’t see you,” she said.</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
In the background, I heard an old man saying, “Wah, wah, wah,” as if asking for water. How happy my father would be, I thought, if he were the one seeing the cleavage up close on the screen. There’d been that, too: porn addiction. And cross-dressing. So much chaos and confusion in this man. Recently, I’d decided he had most likely suffered from mental illness. But I’d never found a way to know him or understand his rage.</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
Now, here he was, Fred Sellers, at 80. I hadn’t seen him in so many years. His bright eyes roved around the screen, intensely curious. He still had his thick white hair and gigantic eyebrows. His stroke-frozen claw hand was clutched over his heart. He worked his good hand to the keyboard. I was afraid he was going to break our connection.</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
“Daddy,” I said. I sounded so small. My throat hurt. I did not want to cry. I was at work, wearing mascara and a white blouse; I had to teach class in less than an hour. “You look so good.”</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
“Well, hell,” he said, peering hard at the screen. “Where you been, girl child?”</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
His stroke-affected speech was heavy on vowels, light on consonants. But every word was as clear to me as always. He looked better than ever. Was this the first time I’d seen him sober?</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
“Can you see me, Daddy?”</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
“No!” he shouted, banging his good hand on the keyboard.</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
I examined the green button on my screen, just under his chin: “Video.” It was on. Then I remembered: Since his stroke, when he said “no” he meant “yes,” and “yes” meant “no.” He did see me. “Isn’t this great?” I said, pressing tissues to my face.</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
“No!” he shouted. “No, no.”</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
I smiled.</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
Over the years, friends, clergy members and relatives urged me to visit my father, while others urged me to never see him again. When I visited, I always regretted it. When I didn’t, I regretted that, too.</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
But children of negligent parents have complicated needs. Now that my father was in a nursing home and couldn’t drink, hurt anyone or destroy himself, I felt overwhelmed in a good way by the love that rushed in. Now that my father fit into a desktop-size box — my computer screen — the proportions seemed manageable.</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
My father and I started talking, thanks to Dawn, every Friday afternoon. Online video calls gave me my father, gave him to me in a safe, manageable format. Here, in a box, was a man I could love.</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
“Dawn says you’re doing pretty good,” I said.</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
“No!” he said, his whole body nodding yes. “No!”</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
“It is so good to see you,” I said.</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
“Oh, gosh,” he said. “Oh gosh, honey. Look at you.” This last would sound to the untrained ear as “Oh, osh. Unnie. Ooo. Ah. Ooo.”</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
He beamed. I’d never seen my father really happy before. I’d never seen his love for me shine through. But here it was.</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
</div>
<div class="articleBody" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 10px/15px georgia, "times new roman", times, serif; letter-spacing: normal; margin-bottom: 1.7em; margin-top: 1.5em; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<nyt_text><div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px;">
At this safe distance, I couldn’t get enough of him. We spent a lot of time just staring at each other. He peered hard into the screen, trying to capture every bit of information, looking happily overwhelmed, and fiercely confused. One day, I was pleased he was wearing a green striped shirt I’d mailed, and I told him how nice he looked.</div>
</nyt_text></div>
<div class="articleBody" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 10px/15px georgia, "times new roman", times, serif; letter-spacing: normal; margin-bottom: 1.7em; margin-top: 1.5em; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
He looked down at himself and back up at me, shaking his head, as if to say, “Life’s a mystery.” He looked bemused, bereft and philosophical all at once. And always well shaven, well fed. We’d been estranged forever, yet now we were having the best relationship we’d ever had.</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
After that first conversation, when the adrenaline kept us both going for an hour, he tired quickly, and our talks were brief. He got bored; his attention wandered. I sensed he was looking around Dawn’s activity room for cookies, hidden treats.</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
One day I showed him photographs of his babyhood, his parents and his own young family, me as a baby. He looked intently, saying the names of each person. When I told him my book was coming out and showed him a mock-up of the cover, he said: “No kidding. Amazing, amazing.”</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
He looked so proud. Stunned, but proud. Often he asked me, in his garbled way, how my house was, and my teaching. Finally he was asking me questions about my life, noticing I had one. My Dad was with me, there was just less of him. Which turned out to be a good thing.</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
That fall, at one of my department meetings, a colleague from the office next to mine said, “Your video calls are disturbing others.”</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
“I know it’s loud,” I said. “My father can’t hear me unless I shout. I apologize. But it’s the only time of day I can talk to him. The calls are brief. Please be patient.”</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
I wanted to say: “This is all we have, this fragile shouting. It’s 10 minutes or so a week. And it won’t last much longer.”</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
I tried to find another weekday time that could work for all of us. I tried to find another place to set up my computer. But I didn’t try very hard. Some part of me, I admit, wanted to disturb my colleagues. Some part of me wanted to yell my father into the world: “Don’t you see? I have a father! My Dad loves me. And I love him.”</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
“I love you,” I shouted at the end of each conversation.</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
“Ooo ooo ooo ooo,” he said, every time, as he zipped out of the screen (“I love you, too”).</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
After Christmas that year, my father went to the activities room less and less. Then in February he didn’t go at all. A couple of times Dawn took her personal laptop into his room, and I’d see him in his bed, and he’d wave his good hand, look at me for a bit, smile wanly, then drift back to sleep.</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
Finally Dawn broke the news to me: lung cancer. I flew to Orlando and spent three days with him. We held hands and laughed a lot. I showed him old photos. I read him a book I’d salvaged from my childhood.</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
That evening, after dinner, he pointed to his chest.</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
“Does it hurt?” I asked.</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
He nodded. “Is it bad?” he asked me.</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
“It’s not good,” I said.</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
“Dammit.”</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
I held his hand while he slept. The laptop phone calls had given me a new template for my father. I couldn’t have just come down and seen him otherwise. We’d made a new relationship online, me and the smaller Fred.</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
The cancer was a slow-growing kind. They said six months, maybe three years.</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
Two weeks later, he was dead. Pneumonia. As he passed, a nurse — an angel — in I.C.U. held the phone to his ear. She said, “When he hears your voice, he smiles.”</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
In the end, we had just barely a year. But I got what I wanted: to be a normal daughter. And after he died, I got to have some profoundly normal grief. The last words he heard me say were “I love you,” and his last to me, said in his way, were “I love you, too.”</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
<em>Forgiveness is a heavy-duty word. I don’t know that I forgave my father. I’m not even sure what that means. What happened between us at the end of his life feels more simple and complex than forgiveness.</em></div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
<em>Those conversations don’t cancel out the years of trauma and neglect. But neither does the bad cancel out those final moments of grace. Both are true. I hold both in my heart, and I am grateful. In the year before he died, I got to love my father — some.</em></div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
</div>
<div itemprop="articleBody" style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px 0px 1em;">
</div>
<nyt_author_id><div class="authorIdentification" style="margin-bottom: 2.8em;">
<div style="color: black; font-size: 1.5em; font-style: italic; line-height: 1.46em; margin: 0px;">
Heather Sellers, the author of “You Don’t Look Like Anyone I Know,” is at work on a new memoir about her family.</div>
</div>
</nyt_author_id></div>
</div>
</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #37404e; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/18px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"></span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #37404e; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/18px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"></span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #37404e; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/18px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"></span>binibinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03239422861203334492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7324247975881964463.post-68283538334650130352013-06-12T16:12:00.004-07:002013-06-12T16:16:07.851-07:00Maraming salamat sa biyaya! 06/06/2013<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8nKh1nFS8Y2eYHYGiOkUCnfQgMJjMVwZugK8e7ly6D_C_ZeC-4a35HAuQkRJBuU67OJuFXe8qmZNTrqldtNlIMRsPqxB0PTP6nqz6450DuoKi3igjz2M5EzghRhHPde3UV6tK8nfbAAMh/s1600/184486_10151433331667231_943836417_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8nKh1nFS8Y2eYHYGiOkUCnfQgMJjMVwZugK8e7ly6D_C_ZeC-4a35HAuQkRJBuU67OJuFXe8qmZNTrqldtNlIMRsPqxB0PTP6nqz6450DuoKi3igjz2M5EzghRhHPde3UV6tK8nfbAAMh/s400/184486_10151433331667231_943836417_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<br />
Maraming salamat Dianne Bronola sa pasalubong. Refresher na may kasamang panghimagas. :)<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />binibinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03239422861203334492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7324247975881964463.post-28031631871245300212013-06-12T16:05:00.005-07:002013-06-12T16:05:51.823-07:0010 ways we sabotage our own success<div id="articleheadline" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 14px/20px "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<h2 style="border-bottom-color: rgb(231, 97, 39); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 40px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 40px; margin: 0px; padding: 10px 0px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;">
<a href="http://www.rappler.com/move-ph/30461-10-ways-sabotage-own-success">10 ways we sabotage our own success</a></h2>
<div class="sp_article_div_line" style="background-image: url("http://static.rappler.com/templates/rappler-responsive/img/sp_article_div-left.png"); background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; display: block; height: 10px; position: relative; top: -1px; width: 8px;">
</div>
<div class="title-meta2">
<span class="byline" style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif !important; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; line-height: 15px; padding-left: 20px; text-transform: uppercase;">BY</span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span class="author2" style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif !important; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-weight: bold; line-height: 18px; text-transform: uppercase;">CHINIE H. DIAZ</span><br /><span class="date2" style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif !important; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal !important; line-height: 15px; padding-left: 20px; text-transform: uppercase;">POSTED ON 06/02/2013 9:23 PM | UPDATED 06/02/2013 9:55 PM</span></div>
<div class="title-meta2">
<span class="date2" style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif !important; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal !important; line-height: 15px; padding-left: 20px; text-transform: uppercase;"></span> </div>
<div class="title-meta2">
<span class="date2" style="color: #666666; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif !important; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal !important; line-height: 15px; padding-left: 20px; text-transform: uppercase;"><a href="http://www.rappler.com/move-ph/30461-10-ways-sabotage-own-success">http://www.rappler.com/move-ph/30461-10-ways-sabotage-own-success</a></span></div>
<div id="gysharebar" style="margin: 10px 0px 5px;">
<div id="verticalbuttons" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-color: #e5e5e5; background-image: none; background-repeat: repeat repeat; border: 1px solid rgb(231, 98, 41); display: block; margin-left: -98px !important; margin-top: -353px; padding: 5px 2px 2px; position: fixed;">
<div gigid="showShareBarUI" id="gysharebarv" style="visibility: visible;">
<div class="gig-bar-container gig-share-bar-container">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="background-image: none; border-collapse: collapse; border-radius: 0px; border-spacing: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><tbody style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;">
<tr style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><td style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: auto; zoom: 1;"><div class="gig-button-container gig-button-container-comments gig-share-button-container gig-button-container-vertical gig-share-button-container-vertical" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 5px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="background-image: none; border-collapse: collapse; border-radius: 0px; border-spacing: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><tbody style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;">
<tr style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><td align="center" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><div class="gig-counter gig-share-counter gig-counter-$rid gig-counter-top" id="gysharebarv-reaction0-count" style="background-image: url("http://cdn.gigya.com/gs/GetSprite.ashx?path=%2FshareBar%2Fbutton%2Fbutton%5Bleft%2Cright%5DImg%5Bup%2Cover%5D.png%7C2%2C20%5E%2FshareBar%2Fbutton%2FtopCountImg.png%7C55%2C37%5E%2Fsharebar%2Ficons%2F%5Bcomments%2Cfacebook%2Ctwitter-tweet%2Cgoogle-plusone%2Cpinterest%2Cshare%5D.png%7C16%2C16"); background-position: -8px 0px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 1px; height: 37px; line-height: 37px; margin: 0px auto 1px; padding: 0px; position: static; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: middle; width: 55px; zoom: 1;">
<span class="gig-counter-text gig-share-counter-text gig-counter-text-top gig-share-counter-text-top" id="gysharebarv-reaction0-count-value" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 14px; font-weight: bold; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-decoration: none; top: -2px; width: auto; zoom: 1;">8</span></div>
</td></tr>
<tr style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><td class="gig-button-td" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: middle; width: auto;"><div alt="" class="gig-button gig-share-button gig-button-up gig-button-count-top" id="gysharebarv-reaction0" onclick="gigya.services.socialize.plugins.reactions.instances['gysharebarv'].buttonInstances['gysharebarv-reaction0'].onClick()" onmouseout="gigya.services.socialize.plugins.reactions.instances['gysharebarv'].buttonInstances['gysharebarv-reaction0'].changeState('up')" onmouseover="gigya.services.socialize.plugins.reactions.instances['gysharebarv'].buttonInstances['gysharebarv-reaction0'].changeState('over')" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; cursor: pointer; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;" title="">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="background-image: none; border-collapse: collapse; border-radius: 0px; border-spacing: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><tbody style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;">
<tr style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><td id="gysharebarv-reaction0-left" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"></td><td id="gysharebarv-reaction0-icon" style="background-image: none; background-repeat: repeat no-repeat; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: middle; width: auto; zoom: 1;"><div id="gysharebarv-reaction0-comments_img" style="background-image: url("http://cdn.gigya.com/gs/GetSprite.ashx?path=%2FshareBar%2Fbutton%2Fbutton%5Bleft%2Cright%5DImg%5Bup%2Cover%5D.png%7C2%2C20%5E%2FshareBar%2Fbutton%2FtopCountImg.png%7C55%2C37%5E%2Fsharebar%2Ficons%2F%5Bcomments%2Cfacebook%2Ctwitter-tweet%2Cgoogle-plusone%2Cpinterest%2Cshare%5D.png%7C16%2C16"); background-position: -63px 0px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 1px; height: 16px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: static; text-decoration: none; width: 16px;">
</div>
</td><td id="gysharebarv-reaction0-text" style="background-image: none; background-repeat: repeat no-repeat; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: middle; width: auto;"><div class="gig-button-text gig-share-button-text" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #333333; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 11px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 3px; text-decoration: none; white-space: nowrap; width: auto;">
Comments</div>
</td><td id="gysharebarv-reaction0-right" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
</td></tr>
<tr style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><td style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: auto; zoom: 1;"><div class="gig-button-container gig-button-container-facebook gig-share-button-container gig-button-container-vertical gig-share-button-container-vertical" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 6px !important; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="background-image: none; border-collapse: collapse; border-radius: 0px; border-spacing: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><tbody style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;">
<tr style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><td align="center" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><div class="gig-counter gig-share-counter gig-counter-$rid gig-counter-top" id="gysharebarv-reaction1-count" style="background-image: url("http://cdn.gigya.com/gs/GetSprite.ashx?path=%2FshareBar%2Fbutton%2Fbutton%5Bleft%2Cright%5DImg%5Bup%2Cover%5D.png%7C2%2C20%5E%2FshareBar%2Fbutton%2FtopCountImg.png%7C55%2C37%5E%2Fsharebar%2Ficons%2F%5Bcomments%2Cfacebook%2Ctwitter-tweet%2Cgoogle-plusone%2Cpinterest%2Cshare%5D.png%7C16%2C16"); background-position: -8px 0px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 1px; height: 37px; line-height: 37px; margin: 0px auto 1px; padding: 0px; position: static; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: middle; width: 55px; zoom: 1;">
<span class="gig-counter-text gig-share-counter-text gig-counter-text-top gig-share-counter-text-top" id="gysharebarv-reaction1-count-value" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 14px; font-weight: bold; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-decoration: none; top: -2px; width: auto; zoom: 1;">186</span></div>
</td></tr>
<tr style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><td class="gig-button-td" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: middle; width: auto;"><div alt="" class="gig-button gig-share-button gig-button-up gig-button-count-top" id="gysharebarv-reaction1" onclick="gigya.services.socialize.plugins.reactions.instances['gysharebarv'].buttonInstances['gysharebarv-reaction1'].onClick()" onmouseout="gigya.services.socialize.plugins.reactions.instances['gysharebarv'].buttonInstances['gysharebarv-reaction1'].changeState('up')" onmouseover="gigya.services.socialize.plugins.reactions.instances['gysharebarv'].buttonInstances['gysharebarv-reaction1'].changeState('over')" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; cursor: pointer; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;" title="">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="background-image: none; border-collapse: collapse; border-radius: 0px; border-spacing: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><tbody style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;">
<tr style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><td id="gysharebarv-reaction1-left" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"></td><td id="gysharebarv-reaction1-icon" style="background-image: none; background-repeat: repeat no-repeat; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: middle; width: auto; zoom: 1;"><img alt="" class="thinglinkFiltered" id="gysharebarv-reaction1-icon_img" src="http://assets.rappler.com/9EB70AC8D48D4A6FA7EE7F526E7A0063/img/AE37F3225B6041999E2CB60873BC07C6/facebookshare.png" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; display: block; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: middle; width: 60px;" /></td><td id="gysharebarv-reaction1-right" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
</td></tr>
<tr style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><td style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: auto; zoom: 1;"><div class="gig-button-container gig-button-container-twitter-tweet gig-share-button-container gig-button-container-vertical gig-share-button-container-vertical" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 5px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;">
<div id="gysharebarv-reaction2_tweet1371078227816" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;">
<iframe allowtransparency="true" class="twitter-share-button twitter-count-vertical" data-twttr-rendered="true" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" src="http://platform.twitter.com/widgets/tweet_button.1371073904.html#_=1371078228262&count=vertical&counturl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.rappler.com%2Fmove-ph%2F30461-10-ways-sabotage-own-success&id=twitter-widget-2&lang=en&original_referer=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.rappler.com%2Fmove-ph%2F30461-10-ways-sabotage-own-success&size=m&text=10%20ways%20we%20sabotage%20our%20own%20success&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.rappler.com%2Fmove-ph%2F30461-10-ways-sabotage-own-success&via=rapplerdotcom" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; display: block; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; height: 62px; margin: 0px auto !important; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: 59px;" title="Twitter Tweet Button"></iframe></div>
</div>
</td></tr>
<tr style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><td style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: auto; zoom: 1;"><div class="gig-button-container gig-button-container-google-plusone gig-share-button-container gig-button-container-vertical gig-share-button-container-vertical" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 5px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;">
<div id="gysharebarv-reaction3" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; line-height: 1px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;">
<div id="___plusone_0" style="background-color: transparent; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; display: inline-block; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 1px; height: 60px; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 50px;">
<iframe allowtransparency="true" data-gapiattached="true" frameborder="0" hspace="0" id="I0_1371078228339" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" name="I0_1371078228339" scrolling="no" src="https://apis.google.com/_/+1/fastbutton?bsv&size=tall&annotation=bubble&width=&hl=en&origin=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.rappler.com&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.rappler.com%2Fmove-ph%2F30461-10-ways-sabotage-own-success&jsh=m%3B%2F_%2Fscs%2Fapps-static%2F_%2Fjs%2Fk%3Doz.gapi.en.qoJGBs_aHO8.O%2Fm%3D__features__%2Fam%3DEQ%2Frt%3Dj%2Fd%3D1%2Frs%3DAItRSTPeL8sWcOLQhWx6-E-I29Pz7TIAPg#_methods=onPlusOne%2C_ready%2C_close%2C_open%2C_resizeMe%2C_renderstart%2Concircled%2Conload&id=I0_1371078228339&parent=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.rappler.com&rpctoken=93257750" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; height: 60px; left: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: static; text-decoration: none; top: 0px; visibility: visible; width: 50px;" tabindex="0" title="+1" vspace="0" width="100%"></iframe></div>
</div>
</div>
</td></tr>
<tr style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><td style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: auto; zoom: 1;"><div class="gig-button-container gig-button-container-pinterest gig-share-button-container gig-button-container-vertical gig-share-button-container-vertical" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 6px !important; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="background-image: none; border-collapse: collapse; border-radius: 0px; border-spacing: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><tbody style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;">
<tr style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><td align="center" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><div class="gig-counter gig-share-counter gig-counter-$rid gig-counter-top" id="gysharebarv-reaction4-count" style="background-image: url("http://cdn.gigya.com/gs/GetSprite.ashx?path=%2FshareBar%2Fbutton%2Fbutton%5Bleft%2Cright%5DImg%5Bup%2Cover%5D.png%7C2%2C20%5E%2FshareBar%2Fbutton%2FtopCountImg.png%7C55%2C37%5E%2Fsharebar%2Ficons%2F%5Bcomments%2Cfacebook%2Ctwitter-tweet%2Cgoogle-plusone%2Cpinterest%2Cshare%5D.png%7C16%2C16"); background-position: -8px 0px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 1px; height: 37px; line-height: 37px; margin: 0px auto 1px; padding: 0px; position: static; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: middle; width: 55px; zoom: 1;">
<span class="gig-counter-text gig-share-counter-text gig-counter-text-top gig-share-counter-text-top" id="gysharebarv-reaction4-count-value" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 14px; font-weight: bold; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-decoration: none; top: -2px; width: auto; zoom: 1;">6</span></div>
</td></tr>
<tr style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><td class="gig-button-td" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: middle; width: auto;"><div alt="" class="gig-button gig-share-button gig-button-up gig-button-count-top" id="gysharebarv-reaction4" onclick="gigya.services.socialize.plugins.reactions.instances['gysharebarv'].buttonInstances['gysharebarv-reaction4'].onClick()" onmouseout="gigya.services.socialize.plugins.reactions.instances['gysharebarv'].buttonInstances['gysharebarv-reaction4'].changeState('up')" onmouseover="gigya.services.socialize.plugins.reactions.instances['gysharebarv'].buttonInstances['gysharebarv-reaction4'].changeState('over')" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; cursor: pointer; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;" title="">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="background-image: none; border-collapse: collapse; border-radius: 0px; border-spacing: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><tbody style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;">
<tr style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><td id="gysharebarv-reaction4-left" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"></td><td id="gysharebarv-reaction4-icon" style="background-image: none; background-repeat: repeat no-repeat; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: middle; width: auto; zoom: 1;"><div id="gysharebarv-reaction4-pinterest_img" style="background-image: url("http://cdn.gigya.com/gs/GetSprite.ashx?path=%2FshareBar%2Fbutton%2Fbutton%5Bleft%2Cright%5DImg%5Bup%2Cover%5D.png%7C2%2C20%5E%2FshareBar%2Fbutton%2FtopCountImg.png%7C55%2C37%5E%2Fsharebar%2Ficons%2F%5Bcomments%2Cfacebook%2Ctwitter-tweet%2Cgoogle-plusone%2Cpinterest%2Cshare%5D.png%7C16%2C16"); background-position: -127px 0px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 1px; height: 16px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: static; text-decoration: none; width: 16px;">
</div>
</td><td id="gysharebarv-reaction4-text" style="background-image: none; background-repeat: repeat no-repeat; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: middle; width: auto;"><div class="gig-button-text gig-share-button-text" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #333333; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 11px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 3px; text-decoration: none; white-space: nowrap; width: auto;">
Pinterest</div>
</td><td id="gysharebarv-reaction4-right" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
</td></tr>
<tr style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><td style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: auto; zoom: 1;"><div class="gig-button-container gig-button-container-share gig-share-button-container gig-button-container-vertical gig-share-button-container-vertical" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 10px !important; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="background-image: none; border-collapse: collapse; border-radius: 0px; border-spacing: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><tbody style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;">
<tr style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><td align="center" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><div class="gig-counter gig-share-counter gig-counter-$rid gig-counter-top" id="gysharebarv-reaction5-count" style="background-image: url("http://cdn.gigya.com/gs/GetSprite.ashx?path=%2FshareBar%2Fbutton%2Fbutton%5Bleft%2Cright%5DImg%5Bup%2Cover%5D.png%7C2%2C20%5E%2FshareBar%2Fbutton%2FtopCountImg.png%7C55%2C37%5E%2Fsharebar%2Ficons%2F%5Bcomments%2Cfacebook%2Ctwitter-tweet%2Cgoogle-plusone%2Cpinterest%2Cshare%5D.png%7C16%2C16"); background-position: -8px 0px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 1px; height: 37px; line-height: 37px; margin: 0px auto 1px; padding: 0px; position: static; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: middle; width: 55px; zoom: 1;">
<span class="gig-counter-text gig-share-counter-text gig-counter-text-top gig-share-counter-text-top" id="gysharebarv-reaction5-count-value" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 14px; font-weight: bold; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-decoration: none; top: -2px; width: auto; zoom: 1;">317</span></div>
</td></tr>
<tr style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><td class="gig-button-td" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: middle; width: auto;"><div alt="" class="gig-button gig-share-button gig-button-up gig-button-count-top" id="gysharebarv-reaction5" onclick="gigya.services.socialize.plugins.reactions.instances['gysharebarv'].buttonInstances['gysharebarv-reaction5'].onClick()" onmouseout="gigya.services.socialize.plugins.reactions.instances['gysharebarv'].buttonInstances['gysharebarv-reaction5'].changeState('up')" onmouseover="gigya.services.socialize.plugins.reactions.instances['gysharebarv'].buttonInstances['gysharebarv-reaction5'].changeState('over')" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; cursor: pointer; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;" title="">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="background-image: none; border-collapse: collapse; border-radius: 0px; border-spacing: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px auto; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><tbody style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;">
<tr style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"><td id="gysharebarv-reaction5-left" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"></td><td id="gysharebarv-reaction5-icon" style="background-image: none; background-repeat: repeat no-repeat; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: middle; width: auto; zoom: 1;"><div id="gysharebarv-reaction5-share_img" style="background-image: url("http://cdn.gigya.com/gs/GetSprite.ashx?path=%2FshareBar%2Fbutton%2Fbutton%5Bleft%2Cright%5DImg%5Bup%2Cover%5D.png%7C2%2C20%5E%2FshareBar%2Fbutton%2FtopCountImg.png%7C55%2C37%5E%2Fsharebar%2Ficons%2F%5Bcomments%2Cfacebook%2Ctwitter-tweet%2Cgoogle-plusone%2Cpinterest%2Cshare%5D.png%7C16%2C16"); background-position: -143px 0px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 1px; height: 16px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: static; text-decoration: none; width: 16px;">
</div>
</td><td id="gysharebarv-reaction5-text" style="background-image: none; background-repeat: repeat no-repeat; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: middle; width: auto;"><div class="gig-button-text gig-share-button-text" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #333333; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 11px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 3px; text-decoration: none; white-space: nowrap; width: auto;">
Share</div>
</td><td id="gysharebarv-reaction5-right" style="background-image: none; border-radius: 0px; border: currentColor; color: #4d4d4d; float: none; font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: auto;"></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="article_content" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 14px/20px "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; padding-top: 0px; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
<img border="0" class="thinglinkFetching" height="360" src="http://static.rappler.com/images/1chinie-06022013.jpg" style="background-color: #404042; border: 0px currentColor; display: block; height: auto !important; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; max-width: 100%; vertical-align: middle; width: auto !important;" width="633" /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
In my last post, I talked about how<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://www.rappler.com/move-ph/29565-mend-or-end-how-to-deal-with-a-toxic-friend" style="color: #e76229; text-decoration: none;">toxic friendships</a><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>can ruin our lives and happiness, but to be honest, we don’t always need other people to do that. We can achieve misery and ruin pretty well on our own. Sad to say, we are often our own worst frenemy. And if we aren’t careful, we can do much more damage to ourselves than friends, family, or any other external influences ever could.</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
We all have an inner critic. Sometimes this is a good thing that keeps our less attractive qualities in check. Other times, however, this inner critic can take on Supervillain proportions and seriously cripple our ability to achieve happiness and success.</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
Dr David Burns, author of<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0380810336?ie=UTF8&tag=thbosh-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0380810336" style="color: #e76229; text-decoration: none;">Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy</a>, says that the key to avoiding this type of self-sabotage is to turn the critic into a coach instead.</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
<img border="0" class="thinglinkFetching" height="360" src="http://static.rappler.com/images/2chinie-06022013.jpg" style="background-color: #404042; border: 0px currentColor; display: block; height: auto !important; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; max-width: 100%; vertical-align: middle; width: auto !important;" width="640" /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
Before we can do this, however, we first need to identify which of our inner criticisms are helpful, and which are actually the result of a warped way of thinking.</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
According to Dr Burns, there are 10 patterns of distorted thinking that warp our outlook on life — and if you can identify and catch these types of thoughts as they occur, you have a better likelihood of being able to turn them around.</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
<strong style="font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">1. All-or-nothing thinking</strong></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
<img border="0" class="thinglinkFetching" height="360" src="http://static.rappler.com/images/3chinie-06022013.jpg" style="background-color: #404042; border: 0px currentColor; display: block; height: auto !important; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; max-width: 100%; vertical-align: middle; width: auto !important;" width="640" /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
Everything is black or white, good or evil, victory or defeat. If something isn’t perfect, then it’s no good. If you aren’t perfect, you’re a failure.</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
<strong style="font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">2. Over-generalization</strong></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
<img border="0" class="thinglinkFetching" src="http://static.rappler.com/images/4chinie-06022013.jpg" style="background-color: #404042; border: 0px currentColor; display: block; height: auto !important; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; max-width: 100%; vertical-align: middle; width: auto !important;" /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
<span style="font-size: 14px;">You look at single, isolated negative events and see them as a never-ending pattern of failure and defeat.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
<strong style="font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">3. Disqualifying the positive</strong></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
<img border="0" class="thinglinkFetching" height="360" src="http://static.rappler.com/images/5chinie-06022013.jpg" style="background-color: #404042; border: 0px currentColor; display: block; height: auto !important; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; max-width: 100%; vertical-align: middle; width: auto !important;" width="640" /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
When something good happens, you ignore it, pass it off as a fluke or something that doesn’t count, or turn it into something negative (e.g., something to feel guilty or unworthy about).</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
<strong style="font-weight: bold;">4. Mental filtering</strong></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
<img border="0" class="thinglinkFetching" height="360" src="http://static.rappler.com/images/6chinie-06022013.jpg" style="background-color: #404042; border: 0px currentColor; display: block; height: auto !important; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; max-width: 100%; vertical-align: middle; width: auto !important;" width="640" /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
When presented with both positive and negative things, you filter out all the positive and focus only on the negative.</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
<strong style="font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">5. Jumping to conclusions</strong></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
<img border="0" class="thinglinkFetching" height="360" src="http://static.rappler.com/images/7chinie-06022013.jpg" style="background-color: #404042; border: 0px currentColor; display: block; height: auto !important; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; max-width: 100%; vertical-align: middle; width: auto !important;" width="640" /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
Like some sort of doomsday fortune teller, you automatically assume negative reactions or outcomes, even when there’s no evidence to support your conclusion.</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
<strong style="font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">6. Magnification and minimization</strong></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
<img border="0" class="thinglinkFetching" height="360" src="http://static.rappler.com/images/8chinie-06022013.jpg" style="background-color: #404042; border: 0px currentColor; display: block; height: auto !important; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; max-width: 100%; vertical-align: middle; width: auto !important;" width="640" /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
You make mountains out of molehills by exaggerating the importance of negative experiences, failures or shortcomings. Or, you magnify the positive traits of others, exaggeratedly downplaying your own.</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
<strong style="font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">7. Emotional reasoning</strong></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
<img border="0" class="thinglinkFetching" height="360" src="http://static.rappler.com/images/9chinie-06022013.jpg" style="background-color: #404042; border: 0px currentColor; display: block; height: auto !important; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; max-width: 100%; vertical-align: middle; width: auto !important;" width="640" /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
You think your negative emotions and feelings reflect reality, assuming that just because you feel something, then it must be true. You then base your decisions on these negative emotions instead of on actual facts.</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
<strong style="font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">8. Should statements</strong></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
<img border="0" class="thinglinkFetching" height="360" src="http://static.rappler.com/images/10chinie-06022013.jpg" style="background-color: #404042; border: 0px currentColor; display: block; height: auto !important; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; max-width: 100%; vertical-align: middle; width: auto !important;" width="640" /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
You insist on a set of “rules” that you and everyone else should follow based on your own version of reality. When you don’t adhere to these rules, you feel guilty, and when others don’t adhere to them, you feel hurt or resentful.</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
<strong style="font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">9. Labeling and mislabeling</strong><span style="line-height: 20px;"></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
<img border="0" class="thinglinkFetching" height="360" src="http://static.rappler.com/images/11chinie-06022013.jpg" style="background-color: #404042; border: 0px currentColor; display: block; height: auto !important; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; max-width: 100%; vertical-align: middle; width: auto !important;" width="640" /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
You describe people (especially yourself) using absolute, negative labels (loser, racist, troll, cheater, etc).</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
<strong style="font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">10. Personalization</strong></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
<img border="0" class="thinglinkFetching" height="360" src="http://static.rappler.com/images/12chinie-06022013.jpg" style="background-color: #404042; border: 0px currentColor; display: block; height: auto !important; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; max-width: 100%; vertical-align: middle; width: auto !important;" width="640" /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
You see yourself as the cause of negative events and outcomes which, in fact, you were not primarily responsible for.</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
I’m not sure if these struck any chords for you, but I saw quite a few that I could relate to. And the funny thing is, even as I identified with them, I was thinking, “That’s so stupid.” This is precisely why we need to identify these types of cognitive distortions — so we can call them out for what they are, and adjust them accordingly.</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
In his book, Dr Burns recommends using a<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://sourcesofinsight.com/how-to-use-the-triple-column-technique/" style="color: #e76229; text-decoration: none;">Triple-Column Technique</a><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>to turn your inner critic into a<em style="font-style: italic;">compadre</em>, and it’s pretty easy and surprisingly effective. Here’s how it works:</div>
<ul style="margin: 0px 0px 10px 25px; padding: 0px;">
<li style="line-height: 20px;">Train yourself to write down your negative thoughts as they come to you.</li>
<li style="line-height: 20px;">Divide a piece of paper into 3 columns.</li>
<li style="line-height: 20px;">In the 1st column, write down the negative thought (self-criticism).</li>
<li style="line-height: 20px;">In the 2nd column, identify the distorted thinking behind it.</li>
<li style="line-height: 20px;">In the 3rd column, write down your rational response (self-defense).</li>
</ul>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
<img border="0" class="thinglinkFetching" height="360" src="http://static.rappler.com/images/13chinie-06022013.jpg" style="background-color: #404042; border: 0px currentColor; display: block; height: auto !important; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; max-width: 100%; vertical-align: middle; width: auto !important;" width="640" /></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
<strong style="font-weight: bold;">Tip:</strong><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Psychologist Tamar E. Chansky, PhD, suggests using the “Power of Possible Thinking” instead of trying to turn self trash-talk into chirpy, positive statements that will just set off your internal lie detector.</div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
"<em style="font-style: italic;">We feel a lot of pressure to turn it all around and make it positive," Chansky says. "But research has found that when you're down and out and force yourself to say positive things to yourself, you end up feeling worse</em>." –<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><em style="font-style: italic;"><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/06/negative-self-talk-think-positive_n_3009832.html" style="color: #e76229; text-decoration: none;">Huffington Post</a><strong style="font-weight: bold;"></strong></em></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 20px;">
If you can turn your negative thoughts into something possible and actionable, you’re much more likely to feel encouraged and be motivated to change. And that matters, because our thoughts are so much more powerful than we can imagine. If we want to change our lives, we really do need to change our thoughts first. –<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><strong style="font-weight: bold;">Rappler.com</strong></div>
</div>
binibinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03239422861203334492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7324247975881964463.post-67060690563173103152013-06-12T16:02:00.001-07:002013-06-12T16:02:14.229-07:00When depression kicks in<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #222222; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"> When I moved to the United States, I was full of promise and plans. I wanted to be a lot of things. I wanted to conquer the world. But to my reality, this isn't easy as a walk in the park. The American Dream is not a walk in the park. I had to literally work my way to have that dream.</span><br />
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
Recently, I have been battling with an inner demon questioning me, agonizing and torturing me of who I want to be.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
I have always been the person who wants to help and will help. But I am starting to think that I actually need help.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
I am 24 but I feel like I am in my forties. I support my Father, my Brother and recently my boyfriend. CJ lost his job last month. I am trying to make my salary work for three people here in the United States. Yes, he just got a job and will start next week but his salary is not even close to mine. With that, I have to keep my 2nd job just so we can have extra money to pay our Credit Card debt and extra money for other issues such as car or medical concerns.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
Money is a big thing for me especially because I don't have anyone to lean to here. I always believe it has been me. </div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
I came here with $13 dollars and now I have an apartment and my own car all because I worked my but off. At one point I had 3 or sometimes 4 jobs because I wasn't responsible of myself but I had other people relying on me. </div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
If other people had medals for their achievements, I had milestones. I wouldn't forget the feeling of a having a new used car, moving into an apartment, getting promoted at work. The feeling of accomplishing these makes me feel that I have a purpose in this world.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
But is it not always joy. There are days that I am just tired and lost. I have to push myself to wake up and finish the day because I need the money to live by the day. I always remind myself that I have to work because no one else will help me. I cannot afford to reach hard bottom.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
This thinking also makes me anti social of some sorts. In all my three years in the US, most people who befriended me befriended me because they needed something. They needed a ride, a job, to sell me something, cosign on an apartment, join an activist group. In my life, those are the times that I felt most used. </div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
The Hi and Hellos and How are yous just becomes superficial to me because I know after those statement there is something that will be asked from me. Also, I never really felt the concern. It seems like those statements are just for the sake of conversation. They always felt dry. But when I do ask that to a person, I mean it. It just seems unfair that the intent is never always mutual and fair.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
So what is fair? I do believe in Karma. I believe that when you do good things, the good things go back to you. But up to what point do I have to give myself? </div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
I remember when I was helping a family. I was bothered everyday because they needed something. I gave them a hand but they want the arm better yet they want my whole body. I want to help but how do you a help a person/family who just wants to suck the life out of you.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
I never thought I would be as lonely as I am in the United States. At least in the Philippines, I had somewhere to run, I had someone to seek refuge to -Mama. In here, I just have myself. I might have my boyfriend but he would never understand me fully. </div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
I believe I coped up with all my problems by just dealing with it and getting over it. I just go by the day. I enjoy when my life is so fast because I don't remember that I actually have problems to deal with. But I dread the times, when the world seems slow and quiet because that is when the little demon of depression kicks in and reminds me of how alone and miserable I am.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
I don't know how to combat it. All I know is that he is telling the truth. I have succumb to a world that just takes away the life in. That I have settled to this so called land of dreams. That I have accepted comfort zones instead of new horizons. That I feared success because I am scared to actually fail.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
I have faced that I should find the flaws rather than see the light. I have become this robot rather than the free person that I should have been. I am now a person that I don't know.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
I have changed. </div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
I pray. I try. I try to talk to him and maybe he will understand. But I how I do I relay what bothers me when I myself is not sure. Maybe it is me. Maybe I was born with. Maybe. Maybe.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
I hope I can find the answers soon because really I don't know where to get from here.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
I miss myself. The person who really belongs to this body. The soul that enriches my being. The girl that wants to change the world and conquer her dreams. I miss the passion that keeps me going. I miss the love. I miss the belief that the world is still good.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
So today, I still in front of my computer trying to do something to make the day go by with my part time job. I pray that somehow the times goes faster so I can home and sleep and escape the real world. The real world is awesome but for now I seek refuge in a dream called sleep. </div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: #222222; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: small/normal arial; letter-spacing: normal; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<br class="Apple-interchange-newline" />binibinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03239422861203334492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7324247975881964463.post-37080940454019416632013-04-17T12:59:00.005-07:002013-04-17T12:59:56.058-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
It has been three years since you left this world. I miss you Mama. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtEUmNMeuAe-7gIutCvCP2104ccQQUkXMSHA7L-9mFp8k0E_syq_D2GCZIsDDkYkNS9xpGYl9bAoYZxufVuHQZ2RSbAvpa8G44te5EUGZ-k1J1nMWzYnfh-m6ar5KpTAv09uf98_qBb6KI/s1600/11784_10151361932727231_1253735720_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" dua="true" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtEUmNMeuAe-7gIutCvCP2104ccQQUkXMSHA7L-9mFp8k0E_syq_D2GCZIsDDkYkNS9xpGYl9bAoYZxufVuHQZ2RSbAvpa8G44te5EUGZ-k1J1nMWzYnfh-m6ar5KpTAv09uf98_qBb6KI/s320/11784_10151361932727231_1253735720_n.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmMhNayG8kUte9Mh6F1G6OuQOyEIxhu6AaV2a1_-wbRFvu4WZQ-24IZWdeDNj_ozCS-TIToBTMJB21ZCjYCv8kWYlTpqPzTz63sWAPUT77wAH0iMD8PRK7fHWL6KxqpaugLhELuAOJbo5I/s1600/25825_389046357230_4953692_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" dua="true" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmMhNayG8kUte9Mh6F1G6OuQOyEIxhu6AaV2a1_-wbRFvu4WZQ-24IZWdeDNj_ozCS-TIToBTMJB21ZCjYCv8kWYlTpqPzTz63sWAPUT77wAH0iMD8PRK7fHWL6KxqpaugLhELuAOJbo5I/s320/25825_389046357230_4953692_n.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizDGMGiGKR7RbDwhMdsxEb3fJsxcKV0ZSK-q5FruqmZIx__NIHQCiLpW65uv3IQskFE9MajCgrvp004-iZbMyBQ7inaTZNzj-xz8i2LeklGIiWhDjLI0xaGcJYQHtxMe7Abk6Kp2SGdXDH/s1600/25825_389046362230_2051610_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" dua="true" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizDGMGiGKR7RbDwhMdsxEb3fJsxcKV0ZSK-q5FruqmZIx__NIHQCiLpW65uv3IQskFE9MajCgrvp004-iZbMyBQ7inaTZNzj-xz8i2LeklGIiWhDjLI0xaGcJYQHtxMe7Abk6Kp2SGdXDH/s320/25825_389046362230_2051610_n.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc5K37MZBbZofGGk9hTA_Ail6WQBntvaZ-4NiWMogiE7gNh3TWiEq19cAM__QHZFpmSYXQZ2TRooMnrHsfmKZbKsnhwHOSZ4Pdo9rCwlWMKbSxxrC6yWI6_5uONS6MVQnUVN8kgQKQHJbC/s1600/229372_10150175976702231_883250_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" dua="true" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc5K37MZBbZofGGk9hTA_Ail6WQBntvaZ-4NiWMogiE7gNh3TWiEq19cAM__QHZFpmSYXQZ2TRooMnrHsfmKZbKsnhwHOSZ4Pdo9rCwlWMKbSxxrC6yWI6_5uONS6MVQnUVN8kgQKQHJbC/s320/229372_10150175976702231_883250_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjb66sGHPRB5UCGoG6lpiGZ4WjNnvGoKj5vrdxGSkplxyUaXNzDX36UwIVbGDkSTOrQqxBEEu3wHEo5rb3MCUJhmsJDyKkGLCZX2eGgMRh8aGcrPitCK-EDm6FBmSd3qg8CgAEtbu1pWQ5S/s1600/581905_10150795040927231_1992435366_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" dua="true" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjb66sGHPRB5UCGoG6lpiGZ4WjNnvGoKj5vrdxGSkplxyUaXNzDX36UwIVbGDkSTOrQqxBEEu3wHEo5rb3MCUJhmsJDyKkGLCZX2eGgMRh8aGcrPitCK-EDm6FBmSd3qg8CgAEtbu1pWQ5S/s320/581905_10150795040927231_1992435366_n.jpg" width="212" /></a></div>
binibinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03239422861203334492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7324247975881964463.post-5996956685138275442013-04-10T15:47:00.000-07:002013-04-10T15:47:00.069-07:00Gross.In 2010, I had a lot of struggles - personally, financially, and emotionally. Due to those, I had to send my father home to recover from his quintuple heart by pass surgery because I cannot support him in the US while I was working stay at home for a family.<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Fast forward, I was able to get a better stable job and acquire an apartment. With the blessing of my father, I have decided to bring back my father.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
When he came, I was excited with the goodies that he brought for me from the Philippines. But to my dismay, I saw that he doesn't seem well. I found out that his medical concerns wasn't really taken care of while he was in the Philippines. I found out that he stopped taking some of his medications when he was in the Philippines. Also, I saw that his teeth was really bad. My dad has always had the perfect set of teeth. When he was at his last reunion, his classmates thought he had false teeth because they looked perfect. He never had false teeth. He just really had great teeth.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
All of those made me upset. Where did all my money that I sent to the Philippines go.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
But I had to move past that. I couldn't add him to my insurance because of his age. I couldn't get him assistance because I made "enough" money to support him and technically, because we are still permanent resident, so our petitioner (my uncle) should be the one responsible for providing us with help.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I scheduled him to medical appointments. I had to pay out of pocket which is really expensive. But I have to do what I have to do. I want to take care of my dad as how I should taken care of my mother.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So on Tuesday, he had a dental appointment. I was able to get him into the Montgomery County dental program for senior citizens. I only have to pay $20 per visit regardless of any procedure that needs to be done. We almost missed it because we didn't have the medical clearance that was needed which was never mentioned when I scheduled the appointment.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
He wasn't able to get cleaning done because we were waiting for the medical clearance to be faxed.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
What bothered me throughout the appointment is, the hygienist seems to be disgusted with my father's mouth. He is nice and all but it felt to me like she is grossed out with the condition of my father's teeth.</div>
<div>
I explained to her what happened to my dad. She reacted but that was it.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Don't work in a field (medical to be specific), if you are not ready to see and experience the worst.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Medicine is about compassion, care and professionalism.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
My dad is no ordinary guy. He is an engineer who have traveled the world. But he is imperfect. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I am taking care of him now. He has every right to be treated right. </div>
binibinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03239422861203334492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7324247975881964463.post-21510506606032247582013-03-27T17:34:00.001-07:002013-03-27T17:34:19.374-07:00Just cute. 2-Year-Old ‘Bedtime Bandit’ Captured on Camera<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/8wk-qRfJQPM?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br />
<a href="http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/lifestyle/2013/03/2-year-old-bedtime-bandit-captured-on-camera/"><br /></a>
<a href="http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/lifestyle/2013/03/2-year-old-bedtime-bandit-captured-on-camera/"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">" When you want a unicorn pet pillow, you want a unicorn pet pillow. And when the door to your sister’s bedroom is locked to keep you from said pet pillow, you figure out a way to get in.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">"</span></a> - ABC News<br />
<br />
<br />binibinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03239422861203334492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7324247975881964463.post-46498485181282138472013-03-27T17:30:00.000-07:002013-03-27T17:34:47.084-07:00Tarts Pasalubong from Pinas<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
(Posted on Facebook on 03/11/2013)</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgyH2jA0woH9_OFkJgpvZdyOn1k89p8Q1w3zfvm7uUEY6cGQF7K-5Lptn_ZkjprCIV_RXm_Kt5pwVW5etFMWtE-c3dDL254gu4cfmUxb4Jeipba1LyCo2MXADZwTNnKioKZtWx3-24Gq2t/s1600/419983_10151312397217231_1377067699_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgyH2jA0woH9_OFkJgpvZdyOn1k89p8Q1w3zfvm7uUEY6cGQF7K-5Lptn_ZkjprCIV_RXm_Kt5pwVW5etFMWtE-c3dDL254gu4cfmUxb4Jeipba1LyCo2MXADZwTNnKioKZtWx3-24Gq2t/s400/419983_10151312397217231_1377067699_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">This made my night! Thank you </span><a data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/user.php?id=1237667235&extragetparams=%7B%22group_id%22%3A0%7D" href="https://www.facebook.com/nia.yumul?group_id=0" style="background-color: white; color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-decoration: none;">Nia Yumul</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">! Super sarap! :)</span></div>
binibinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03239422861203334492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7324247975881964463.post-70228285853741298172013-03-27T17:28:00.007-07:002013-03-27T17:34:59.742-07:00Free Similac (Posted on Facebook on 03/19/2013)<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj567Y-oawmGGXYW8r7cnhjfEuTUDoDMIvnnmh407UW9d976eZenrJLBqrf29IIFDD1fecFcXz8VnzqGhqE1HxNbUrbzSmMWGoKlWxIrUCvuxVAIG9Ev28sMzD5XXTuMPNf-R-7pM5wMnzX/s1600/388562_10151324115427231_1245744663_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj567Y-oawmGGXYW8r7cnhjfEuTUDoDMIvnnmh407UW9d976eZenrJLBqrf29IIFDD1fecFcXz8VnzqGhqE1HxNbUrbzSmMWGoKlWxIrUCvuxVAIG9Ev28sMzD5XXTuMPNf-R-7pM5wMnzX/s400/388562_10151324115427231_1245744663_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">Where did this free Similac come from?! I didn't sign up for this but hey free regift. :)</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />binibinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03239422861203334492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7324247975881964463.post-24102030212707576192013-03-27T17:27:00.000-07:002013-03-27T17:27:00.255-07:00When 2 percent changes everything<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
I applied for a job. I almost missed the deadline but some miracle happened that I got considered. I was considered to take the test. There are 900+ candidates who applied but only 500+ who qualified to take a test.<br />
<br />
I took the test.<br /><br />My results:<br />
<br />
65 Words per minute<br />
<span style="background-color: yellow;">78% Proofreading</span><br />
90% Alpha Filing<br />
95% Numeric Filing<br />
<br />
Minimum required to move forward:<br />
<br />
<br />
60 Words per minute<br />
70% Proofreading<br />
70% Alpha Filing<br />
70% Numeric Filing<br />
<br />
That 2 % is what cost me not to be considered for an interview even if I scored high on my other test. I could have had that 2% if I only capitalized some word, Inn instead of inn. My other scores don't matter. I guess it is all or nothing.<br />
<br />
Everything happens for a reason. I just hope for the best. I won't let this define who I am.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhufbLuXx_KcxjIerHD69jkI6bJsqG3f0mflu1_gLN4knmlGgMojE2DlOQKvxOcWXTEBVS1Y7kJEKdzmgNIYl7tPABaFfZ2UAOa-eetWH1WwY2D4Ix7eeXMdaP4TcyJuHZMfCIDkv0CHfxd/s1600/Capture1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="283" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhufbLuXx_KcxjIerHD69jkI6bJsqG3f0mflu1_gLN4knmlGgMojE2DlOQKvxOcWXTEBVS1Y7kJEKdzmgNIYl7tPABaFfZ2UAOa-eetWH1WwY2D4Ix7eeXMdaP4TcyJuHZMfCIDkv0CHfxd/s400/Capture1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTp6at7WVyxlAj2DcxpN2ILOflWbv-IUMdlNfgSsMlCwBocelbuYua7R5qi8kmpOQsvu27QrVo9YEquGb7sBjyasOgbD5qKEdAY-8w-QuQ9VHG1sZd4cobzNB-VXU_Qqw9H04sSKssaDS3/s1600/capture+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="263" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTp6at7WVyxlAj2DcxpN2ILOflWbv-IUMdlNfgSsMlCwBocelbuYua7R5qi8kmpOQsvu27QrVo9YEquGb7sBjyasOgbD5qKEdAY-8w-QuQ9VHG1sZd4cobzNB-VXU_Qqw9H04sSKssaDS3/s400/capture+4.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgr192fD1a6SnFwF6_S0_u-dbGde_uDAaUcAuvRCcCallMqxi63LcViMnyu6uK1lylusEVvkK-9YfMxwLln3xBOO9YMQfJo7cmVaV4Iqg7FFCc_tY6xtXdmslezcfxW4u9WFcSqTdNXvcel/s1600/capture+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgr192fD1a6SnFwF6_S0_u-dbGde_uDAaUcAuvRCcCallMqxi63LcViMnyu6uK1lylusEVvkK-9YfMxwLln3xBOO9YMQfJo7cmVaV4Iqg7FFCc_tY6xtXdmslezcfxW4u9WFcSqTdNXvcel/s400/capture+3.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqTVg5Y8AIueVCQz3naDb-LW-9ckKwsTaTCQg_nlWEyYa_5UWNHGll-sQ01iNoXf48Yh8S7rPcA-RdOzONeF33WiY00aiGhKdZy-SuSpWsyq10BElRFQ9NF-tfaU1ytwLSM1leU1eQFSIk/s1600/Capture.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="177" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqTVg5Y8AIueVCQz3naDb-LW-9ckKwsTaTCQg_nlWEyYa_5UWNHGll-sQ01iNoXf48Yh8S7rPcA-RdOzONeF33WiY00aiGhKdZy-SuSpWsyq10BElRFQ9NF-tfaU1ytwLSM1leU1eQFSIk/s400/Capture.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />binibinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03239422861203334492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7324247975881964463.post-19368210214768647992013-03-07T15:37:00.002-08:002013-03-07T15:37:51.358-08:00When we joined the bandwagon.Iphone is Iphone. And after a few attempts on Craigslist we found Iphones that suits us. :)binibinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03239422861203334492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7324247975881964463.post-368313676430126732013-02-27T15:28:00.001-08:002013-02-27T15:43:58.558-08:00when dependence becomes parasitism.As I was at my second job, I saw my brother call me 5 times without leaving a voice mail. I wonder what he wants now. So I checked my Facebook. He messaged. He was asking me for money. Money that he says is reimbursement for the stuff my father brought from the Philippines.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I just felt anxious and mad. How can he be like this to me? I have sent enough money to cover all the expenses that would scope my father's departure. But I guess any money is not enough for a man who doesn't work to have money. I have already spent a lot this month. Aside from the money I gave him, I have paid for my father's ticket. I hate this notion of him that I just pick of money from trees so I can give it as charity? Hell no. I work. I work. I work.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
He believes that I owe him a lot but I don't. I want to help and I can only help him for so long. He has to learn how to work. He has been unemployed for almost 7 years now and I have supported him in the last 3 years. He also gets money from maternal grandparents' estate. That should be enough and if it isn't then he should work so he could have more money to spend. I am not even asking any of that money anyways.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
He is asking to be petitioned here in the US? I doubt he can last here. The last thing I want is a parasite. I doubt he would take a meager job as a Walmart sales person or McDonald's crew especially since he didn't finish his engineering degree that my parent's funded with all their money. He wouldn't just take any type of work.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Some people have money some people don't. Some people are born with parents that can provide them with good education. My parents did that to my brother. They've spent a lot for my brother's education and then when it came to the point that I had to go to college there wasn't that much extra money for me. I didn't regret going to the University of the Philippines. I was happy and proud that I went to the most prestigious university in the Philippines and I just saved my parents great money.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
What I don't understand is how my brother became a bum and dependent. He has a choice in life but he has to blame every situation or person he can. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
People have choices. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
When I moved to the US, there came a time I had to work 3 jobs to support myself and support my family in the Philippines. I had to work the lowest paying job I can find just to make money. I have to start somewhere right? I chose that route. I had choices - I can be selfish and don't care for my family or support my family. I chose to support my family. I never regret that. I hope my mother is still alive so I can still give her the life she deserves.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
But what pains me that most is that my brother doesn't respect me. He just bosses me around and tells me what to do. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
He even makes my college degree an big deal when we argue. He says that I am lucky because I finished college. I always said to him, I made a choice.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I am tired of feeling scared of him but at the same time there is a voice in my head that keeps on saying that he is my brother and that I should help him. I even feel that my late mother wants me to reach out and help my brother. But I can't help a person who doesn't even want to help himself. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
How I can help him if he just going to get me bankrupt?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
He is even asking me for $2000 for the probate of my grandmother's will. He is saying he needs it in 2 months and it will be reimbursed anyways. I doubt that or if it will be I want to ask for a contract. I also want to protect myself. The last time I gave him something, it never was used to what it was supposed to be used.<br />
<br />
Also, a month ago he asked me to buy a land. I didn't have the money but he was still insisting that we buy it. I cannot just come up and pull my retirement and savings for something like that. He will be a co-owner if I bought that property. I would hate that idea to have his name in the land title when he didn't even contribute anything.<br />
<br />
He even wants to just sell my grandparents' properties. I guess he would just lavish himself with the money and do whatever he wants with it. I don't know. I might be wrong will all my assumptions but I am just not sure how I can trust him when he bullies me and treats me like I am not his sister.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I don't care about the properties int he Philippines anymore. I would be fine if I don't go back. But he is my only connection of my 'family' there. I am thinking I still need something from the Philippines and he is the one that can do stuff for me. With my brother, everything has a price though. What is family if your family wouldn't treat you like family. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I pray and I hope that he would be enlightened and that I don't give up on him. I hope. I pray for my own sanity.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
binibinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03239422861203334492noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7324247975881964463.post-7807387903170194592013-02-18T05:59:00.005-08:002013-02-18T05:59:44.982-08:00A refresher. A new hope. <span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">"Gonna LIVE LIFE 'til we're dead.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Give me SCARS, give me PAIN</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Then they'll say to me, there goes the FIGHTER</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Here comes the FIGHTER."</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: lucida grande, tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.727272033691406px; line-height: 17.99715805053711px;">- </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/artist/gym-class-heroes?feature=watch_video_title" id="watch-headline-show-title" style="border: 0px; cursor: pointer; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; letter-spacing: -0.05em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; white-space: nowrap;">Gym Class Heroes</a><span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 0.9em; letter-spacing: -0.05em; white-space: nowrap;">: The Fighter ft. Ryan Tedder</span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.727272033691406px;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.727272033691406px;">Here is an email I sent to Patty Laurel regarding her recent <a href="http://www.pattylaurel.com/2013/02/the-fighter.html">post</a>: </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Good morning Mrs. Filart! As part of my daily routine, after I wake up, I check all my favorite websites - 5 other websites and then your blog. I have been reading your blog since college which is like 6 years ago. By the way, our six degrees of separation is my brother. You've worked with him a couple of times. He was a photographer for La Salle when you were the courtside reporter for Ateneo and also he worked in MTV when you were a VJ there. </span><br />
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">I emailed you because because your recent post of the video of Gym Class Heroes' Fighter just gave me a refresher. Thank you! We are fighters. :)</span><div style="font-size: 13px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-size: 13px;">
I don't want to tell you my story but here is a glimpse of it - <a href="http://opinion.inquirer.net/inquireropinion/columns/view/20101120-304216/Coming-home." style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">Coming Home</a></div>
<div style="font-size: 13px;">
<br /></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Fast forward two years from that, I have a stable job at the National Institutes of Health, I have an apartment. I hope to by a house soon. I have been back to school (sort of). I am not paying my full cost in UP but I am sponsoring a student in UP. Best of it all, my dad is arriving this Tuesday from the Philippines. Hello Filipino food. :) He is back. I don't mean to brag really. </span><b><span style="font-size: large;">If other people has medals, what I have are these milestones.</span></b></div>
<div style="font-size: 13px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-size: 13px;">
But there are days when I break down. I still hope that my mom is still alive. I wish that I was still a kid with innocence. And all the fun stuff. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=rvpCmKUo1Aw" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">Like Madeline and the train</a>. I still have issues with both sides of my family. I have learned early to dispute all of those issues and work hard for my own self. I have been through the worst and somehow sometimes I get surprised of how I overcome them all. <b>Naturally, we are just fighters and our battle scars are our accomplishments.</b> And God, our family and our real friends are our greatest supporters.</div>
<div style="font-size: 13px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-size: 13px;">
I have to stop I am getting mushy and I might not stop crying. Thank you inspiring me. Thank you for daily posts. Thank you for giving hope. Thank you for sharing knowledge. Thank you for just being you. Best of all, if you have reached this part ---- thank you for taking your time to read my cheesy email. </div>
<div style="font-size: 13px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-size: 13px;">
I pray for your fast recovery. God bless.</div>
<div style="font-size: 13px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-size: 13px;">
</div>
<div style="font-size: 13px;">
Congrats and best wishes! I hope you have a great week ahead.</div>
<div style="font-size: 13px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-size: 13px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-size: 13px;">
Best,</div>
<div style="font-size: 13px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-size: 13px;">
<br /></div>
</div>
binibinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03239422861203334492noreply@blogger.com0