Wednesday, February 27, 2013

when dependence becomes parasitism.

As I was at my second job, I saw my brother call me 5 times without leaving a voice mail. I wonder what he wants now. So I checked my Facebook. He messaged. He was asking me for money. Money that he says is reimbursement for the stuff my father brought from the Philippines.

I just felt anxious and mad. How can he be like this to me? I have sent enough money to cover all the expenses that would scope my father's departure. But I guess any money is not enough for a man who doesn't work to have money. I have already spent a lot this month. Aside from the money I gave him, I have paid for my father's ticket. I hate this notion of him that I just pick of money from trees so I can give it as charity? Hell no. I work. I work. I work.

He believes that I owe him a lot but I don't. I want to help and I can only help him for so long. He has to learn how to work. He has been unemployed for almost 7 years now and I have supported  him in the last 3 years. He also gets money from maternal grandparents' estate. That should be enough and if it isn't then he should work so he could have more money to spend. I am not even asking any of that money anyways.

He is asking to be petitioned here in the US? I doubt he can last here. The last thing I want is a parasite. I doubt he would take a meager job as a Walmart sales person or McDonald's crew especially since he didn't finish his engineering degree that my parent's funded with all their money. He wouldn't just take any type of work.

Some people have money some people don't. Some people are born with parents that can provide them with good education. My parents did that to my brother. They've spent a lot for my brother's education and then when it came to the point that I had to go to college there wasn't that much extra money for me. I didn't regret going to the University of the Philippines. I was happy and proud that I went to the most prestigious university in the Philippines and I just saved my parents great money.

What I don't understand is how my brother became a bum and dependent. He has a choice in life but he has to blame every situation or person he can. 

People have choices. 

When I moved to the US, there came a time I had to work 3 jobs to support myself and support my family in the Philippines. I had to work the lowest paying job I can find just to make money. I have to start somewhere right? I chose that route. I had choices - I can be selfish and don't care for my family or support my family. I chose to support my family.  I never regret that. I hope my mother is still alive so I can still give her the life she deserves.

But what pains me that most is that my brother doesn't respect me. He just bosses me around and tells me what to do. 

He even makes my college degree an big deal when we argue. He says that I am lucky because I finished college. I always said to him, I made a choice.

I am tired of feeling scared of him but at the same time there is a voice in my head that keeps on saying that he is my brother and that I should help him. I even feel that my late mother wants me to reach out and help my brother.  But I can't help a person who doesn't even want to help himself. 

How I can help him if he just going to get me bankrupt?

He is even asking me for $2000 for the probate of my grandmother's will. He is saying he needs it in 2 months and it will be reimbursed anyways. I doubt that or if it will be I want to ask for a contract. I also want to protect myself.  The last time I gave him something,  it never was used to what it was supposed to be used.

Also, a month ago he asked me to buy a land. I didn't have the money but he was still insisting that we buy it. I cannot just come up and pull my retirement and savings for something like that. He will be a co-owner if I bought that property.  I would hate that idea to have his name in the land title when he didn't even contribute anything.

He even wants to just sell my grandparents' properties. I guess he would just lavish himself with the money and do whatever he wants with it. I don't know. I might be wrong will all my assumptions but I am just not sure how I can trust him when he bullies me and treats me like I am not his sister.

 I don't care about the properties int he Philippines anymore. I would be fine if I don't go back. But he is my only connection of my 'family' there. I am thinking I still need something from the Philippines and he is the one that can do stuff for me. With my brother, everything has a price though.  What is family if your family wouldn't treat you like family. 

I pray and I hope that he would be enlightened and that I don't give up on him. I hope. I pray for my own sanity.

Monday, February 18, 2013

A refresher. A new hope.

"Gonna LIVE LIFE 'til we're dead.
Give me SCARS, give me PAIN
Then they'll say to me, there goes the FIGHTER
Here comes the FIGHTER."

Gym Class Heroes: The Fighter ft. Ryan Tedder

Here is an email I sent to Patty Laurel regarding her recent post

Good morning Mrs. Filart!  As part of my daily routine, after I wake up, I check all my favorite websites - 5 other websites and then your blog. I have been reading your blog since college which is like 6 years ago. By the way, our six degrees of separation is my brother. You've worked with him a couple of times. He was a photographer for La Salle when you were the courtside reporter for Ateneo and also he worked in MTV when you were a VJ there. 

I emailed you because because your recent post of the video of Gym Class Heroes' Fighter just gave me a refresher. Thank you! We are fighters. :)

I don't want to tell you my story but here is a glimpse of it - Coming Home

Fast forward two years from that, I have a stable job at the National Institutes of Health, I have an apartment. I hope to by a house soon. I have been back to school (sort of). I am not paying my full cost in UP but I am sponsoring a student in UP. Best of it all, my dad is arriving this Tuesday from the Philippines. Hello Filipino food. :) He is back. I don't mean to brag really. If other people has medals, what I have are these milestones.

But there are days when I break down. I still hope that my mom is still alive. I wish that I was still a kid with innocence.  And all the fun stuff. Like Madeline and the train. I still have issues with both sides of my family. I have learned early to dispute all of those issues and work hard for my own self. I have been through the worst and somehow sometimes I get surprised of how I overcome them all. Naturally, we are just fighters and our battle scars are our accomplishments. And God, our family and our real friends are our greatest supporters.

I have to stop I am getting mushy and I might not stop crying. Thank you inspiring me. Thank you for daily posts. Thank you for giving hope. Thank you for sharing knowledge. Thank you for just being you. Best of all, if you have reached this part ---- thank you for taking your time to read my cheesy email. 

I pray for your fast recovery. God bless.

Congrats and best wishes! I hope you have a great week ahead.


Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Electric bill just went down again. Hello money! :)

Here are some tips from Pepco to conserve energy: 

"Read our 85 Ways to Save brochure"   <--- REALLY HELPFUL!!!!

POWERCHOICE ® Conservation Tips

Energy Saving Ideas for the Seasons

With energy prices rising across the country, now is a good time to learn how to use energy wisely. Here are some simple tips to help you reduce your energy consumption:

In Winter

  • During the winter months, set your thermostat at 68 degrees Fahrenheit during the day and 60 degrees Fahrenheit at night. You can save 3 percent on your heating costs for every degree you reduce the temperature below 70 degrees Fahrenheit.

    Special Advice to Heat Pump Owners: Heat pumps need to stay at a constant setting, unless you have a programmable electronic heat pump thermostat with adaptive recovery. Check with your heating or air conditioning contractor to determine the type of thermostat you have.
  • Winterize windows with weather stripping (for all moveable joints) and caulk (for non-moving parts). Also, install a window kit to the inside of your windows to help keep cold air out and warm air in.
  • Change filters once a month. A well-maintained heating system can save money and increase the comfort level in your home.
  • When you cozy up to a crackling fire on a cold winter day, you may be losing more heat than you are generating if your fireplace is not airtight.
  • Inspect ductwork for any air leakage. If you do feel air leaking at joints, use silver metal duct tape to seal them. You could save up to 10 percent of your heating costs by eliminating those leaks.

In Summer

  • During hot weather, a central air conditioner can account for 30 percent of your energy bill. Check the air filter regularly – a clean air filter improves system efficiency, which should lead to energy savings.
  • Set your thermostat at 78 degrees Fahrenheit, a reasonably comfortable and energy-efficient indoor temperature.
  • Have a professional check your air conditioning system to ensure that it works properly and is not leaking coolant.
  • Be sure all windows are shut and outside doors are closed when the AC is on.
  • It is important not to have lamps, televisions or other heat sources close to the air conditioner thermostat – heat from these sources may cause the air conditioner unit to run longer than it should.
  • Check to ensure that no furniture or other obstacles are blocking ducts or fans. This will enable cooled air to circulate freely, making your home more comfortable.


  • Your water heater is the third highest energy expense in your home. If the water temperature is set at 140F, turning it down to 130F will save a few dollars each month.
  • Using a microwave to cook meals uses about half the energy of a conventional oven.
  • Washing clothes in cold water instead of hot is another energy saving tip that can save you about $50 per year.
  • Another way to save energy in the laundry room is to put a dry towel in the dryer with each load of wet clothes. The towel will absorb dampness and reduce drying time, saving energy and money.
  • Replace incandescent light bulbs with more efficient, compact, fluorescent ones. Besides saving energy, you will also save money in the long run, since the life span of a fluorescent bulb is substantially longer.
  • If you have a crawl space, inspect it regularly to ensure that the insulation inside is dry. When insulation gets wet, its optimal effectiveness is significantly reduced. Be sure to find the source of the moisture and replace any damaged insulation.
  • Vacuum the coils on your refrigerator at least every three months. The dirt build-up makes the refrigerator work harder to keep the contents cool and therefore uses more energy

Saturday, February 9, 2013


A long message I got but worth every word. Revelations. 

The message below will reveal something in relation to this post

DB   5:37 PM   02/08/2013

biglaang message no, naalala ko lang bigla eh, medyo mahaba to, haha, saka gusto ko lang din magkwento 
ayun di ko pa to nabanggit sayo, or di pa natin napagusapan, haha, di ko naman talaga expect na mageexchange pa din tayo ng mga messages after college, eh sa totoo lang sa mga friends friends di naman ako yung unang nagiinitiate, akala ko introvert ako, pero siguro shy lang talga ako, ewan iba kasi nung nagcollege na, parang hindi ako "fit" ganun, excited ako magUP kasi akala ko makikilala ko dun mga coolest people, mga matatalino, saka yung cool lang ganun, hindi susyal, tapos siempre since gusto ko yung UP as liberal college, tapos pwede pa ako magstand sa kung anong advocacy ang trip ko, pwede, ayun naalala mo nga sinabi ko nun sayo nung nagdavao tayo na passive ako, and di ko talaga trip magsasali sa kung ano ano, aside sa mahiyain ako, feeling ko di ako fit, tipong, hindi ko naman trip yung mga trip nila, or minsan parang kalokohan lang naman, pero siempre naghahanap lang ako ng tiempo, gusto ko pa din maging somebody sa school saka magmake ng change and all,
nung 1st year sumali ako ng ccc, kasi religous group, tapos siempre may libre pagkain lang tapos member na pala ako haha, nakakatawa nga nun eh, saka siempre, wala talaga akong friends, saka di ako marunong makipagfriends, saka wala akong lugar kung san ako pwedeng magfit, pero ayun nung una ok naman na nagbbible study, medyo nagpaparticipate din ako sa mga activities nila kahit nagiisa lang ako, saka di man ako nakikipagkwentuhan, medyo naging loyal pa din nman ako, kaso nga lang nung nakita ko na medyo parang iba yung belief nila, I mean nirerespeto ko naman yun, pero ayun nafeel ko lang na self centered ang paniniwala nila, at hindi 'open'.
tapos ayun sumali ako sa AES, promising talaga yung grupo, akala ko there is more than Mr. and Ms. UP, kala ko may mga something pangmulat kamalayan na activities at economic immersion bla bla, pero what you see is what you get pala, yun na pala yun. nachallenge naman talaga ako sa culmi, saka parang gusto ko magstrive hard para maging part ng org at makapagcontribute, akala ko im on the right place na, pero nahirapan din ako magfit, ewan ko mahina lang siguro talaga loob ko, and mabilis ako mawalan ng gana, o kaya baka ako mismo eh self centered, tipong, marami akong reklamo at ideas na dapat ganito ganyan, pero hindi naman ako nagmamake move,
anyway, kinwento ko lang naman yan, turning point nung nagpunta tayo sa davao, sobrang dami kong natutunan, at nagkaron talag ako ng drive, though kahit don, nahihiya pa din ako magsalita T_T, (sorry na kung medyo nagaaway tayo nun, dahil nga dun, natakot na ako magpakita sayo sa school, akala ko galit ka,) tapos ayun namotivate talaga ako nung time na yun, andami kong nalaman, tapos tipong, "eto na yun" this is it, parang ganun, magiging active ako dito, ganun, gets mo ba, haha, tas siempre nagkaron ako ng guilt dahil wala akong nasshare, medyo katext ko pa nga nun yung iba, si bikay ba yun? nakalimutan ko pangalan, yung sa UP mindanao, ayun andami niyang sinabi sa akin, dapat ganito ganyan, nakakaguilty saka nakakalungkot, kapag madami na akong alam tapos gusto kong magtake ng stand, pero mahina yung loob ko para dun, at parang ayaw ko na lang madamay, and last thing, dahil nahihiya ako, so kaya ayun,
"volunteer" lang naman ako nun, so hindi ako kasama sa mga meetings niyo, HAHA, though gusto ko talaga maging active sa council, tapos ang nangyari pa, ewan ko, parang nagshut down na lang ako nun, nakakadepress kaya pag andami kong alam tas wala akong magawa, (grabe lang no, prinoblema ko yung problema ng iba, andami ko namang problema nun) that time, gusto ko talaga magLAE, sabi ko sa sarili ko, siguro pag may title na ako, paglaw student na ako sa UP, kaya ko ng magstand out, magspeak and all, saka gusto ko naman may cause palagi yung ginagawa ko, something intellectual, and something nakakagawa ng change, siguro ganun naman talaga pag youth, masyadong motivated sa mga pagbabago, anyway, yung gusto ko IBULGAR sayo eh, ako si kabesang tales, haha, dahil nga sa sobrang guilty ko nun sa mga bagay bagay, at dahil parang may committment tayo sa davao na "ready" na sa mga hamon sa school, kaya ayun, spur of the moment, gumawa ako ng article, inispread ko sa lahat ng mga up students na kakilala kong may friendster (yuck friendster haha), so yun lang naman,
ayun ate hel, medyo nadisapoint ako sa UP at first dahil hindi siya nagturn out the way I expect it, andaming susyal, tas mga org activities ganyan, walang cause related, puro pormahan, pagandahan, and walang pakielam yung mga tao sa nangyayari sa bansa, anyway, wala naman talaga akong pakielam, and alam mo yun, nakakasawa ding lumaban ng lumaban, dati idol ko yung mga satirists saka bumabatikos sa gobyerno, gusto din dating maging ganun, ilalabas yung baho ng gobyerno, pero ayun, siempre ano mong magagawa ko dun, nagawa na din naman ni rizal yan, wala pa din namang nangyari, mahirap pa din ang pilipinas (na payaman na ngayon, dahil recession sa america at europe, i think haha), pero nagenjoy naman ako sa mga activities sa UP nung 4th yr na, maganda nga na ganun mga activity natin sa pampanga, atlis mapayapa ang buhay natin, wala naman talagang problema, pero hinahanapan ko, hahah,
paggraduate ko, lahat ng akala ko, akala lang pala, kahit na UP ako, mahirap pa ding maghanap ng trabaho, tapos yung 15 thousand pesos, hindi ganun kalaki, hindi din ganun karami maiipon ko, at siempre marerealize ko na dapat tulungan ko muna pala yung sarili ko at pamilya ko sa magandang kinabukasan, bago yung gusto kong tulungan, gusto ko din namang yumaman at makatulong sa iba, pero siempre yung tulong sa iba, saka na yun, matagal tagal pa siguro, for now, kakain muna ako, haha,
napakwento ako! ahha, wala lang, naalala ko lang,

Rescued Photos

Lost a Camera? Found a Camera?

Help us by helping others find the rightful owners of lost cameras. 

Don't let lost photos be lost memories.

What can be LOST/FOUND? Camera, photos, and memory cards.

How to SUBMIT your FOUND photos?

1. Choose the 1-4 pictures. 
- Make sure they are clear. No blurry pictures or too dark pictures.
- Has the most faces. Easy to recognize  faces. 
- No need to re-size, I will re-size them for you. 

2. Write a description:
- When, where and how you found the camera/photo/sd card?
- Brief description of the photos. 

3. State your contact information. (This will not be posted on the website.)
-Name and email is fine. 


- Facebook account: Rescued Photos


How to REPORT your LOST photos?

Why? This is to give us keen eyes if we found your pictures somewhere. 

1. Write a description:
- When, where you lost your camera/photos?
- Brief description of the photos  you took.

2. Contact information you may be reached if it was found. (This will not be visible on the website).

3. OPTIONALSubmit your picture so we have an idea of what to look for.



- Facebook account: Rescued Photos


How to CLAIM your FOUND photos?

1. EMAIL US! Provide your contact information.

2. Submit photos that will prove that you are the person in the found photos. This will not be posted on the site without your consent.

3. Provide other proofs - document showing you were in that location, links that shows you exist and not claiming another person's photos, etc.

Once we have proved that you are the owner of the photos, you will be contacted and your photos will be returned to you via email or other form depending on the person who found it.


- Facebook account: Rescued Photos


Thursday, February 7, 2013

So cute. Innocence.

Photo snipped from YouTube.

Here is the original video post on YouTube:

Here is the abc news article: CLICK HERE

 " Forget Barbie, ponies or princesses.

All little Madeline Dubois, of Nashville, Tenn., wanted for her third birthday was to ride the train.

With every wide-eyed squeal, joyous gasp and uncontrollable hands-in-the-air movement she gave, her reaction turned out to be priceless." (Source: CLICK HERE)

 ABC said it right. Her reaction was just priceless.

I saw this video yesterday through a friend's post on Facebook. After I watched it, I  wanted to watch it again and again. I have watched it more than 15 times already. And I will watch it again when I have a bad day or something. I even searched about her family. I became a stalker just for about 15 minutes. She comes from a loving family. That is maybe why she has that appreciation with her train ride.

When I was watching the video over and over again, I thought I was wanting to see the little child I was. But it wasn't that. I wanted to watch her over and over again to remind me that I still want to be a child and that I am still a child. I still want to experience the joy and excitement that she has. I still want to be excited and surprised. I still want to be cared for. That innocence. The unknown.

Watching her reminds me that I can still have priceless moments. That there will be things that will still amaze me. That I can still be happy.

43 seconds. 1 more reason to enjoy life and be happy.