Sunday, August 8, 2010

I am Catholic! :)

I went to St. Louis Catholic Church on Clarksville Pike, Clarksville Maryland yesterday for the anticipated mass at 5:30 PM. It was about 5 minutes by drive from Dr. Gulshan's House.

Before I went to church, Cj and I are talking about confession. I have always wanted to do it. There are a lot of things that have been stopping me. There are just excuses or demons I didn't want to overcome. But I have decided to go through with the confession even though I was a little scared and ashamed. Doing confession isn't just for Cj or to fix my relationship with God but to have have peace with myself and to God. So I googled how to do the confession and found out about it in the Catechism of Pope Pius X. From the Catechism, there is a written step by step to how to do confession. And so I took down the notes and brought it with me to church.

Because I wasn't sure how the confession will happen. I had to phone in the church on what time is confession. I was suggested that before the 4 o'clock mass there was will be confession. At that moment, the 4 o'clock mass was too late for me. So i just took the risk for the 5:30 mass and will just go there early as I can.

St. Louis Catholic Church is so pretty . It is a parish church so it is bigger than the St. Paul Chapel that Cj and I went to when he was here.

I did confession even though I don't know how. I remember that the last time I did it is when I had my first communion.

I confessed what I had to confess in one plain sentence. The Father blessed me and I had to do 3 Our Fathers for it. Even though I was a little teary-eyed after, it was a success and I never felt better.

There was a little adjustment for me regarding the songs and prayers. The songs were really different and the prayers are a little longer than those I had grown up to know.

Father's sermon really made me teary-eyed. It felt like Father was talking to me and checking up on me. It felt that he was reaching out for me. I have believed that I have surrendered myself to God and that he will take care of me. But that thinking isn't enough. Here is how I understood yesterday's sermon:

What is our faith? What do you believe in? Faith is happens when you are expecting a new thing either in career, job or whatever. But how much faith are you giving in this expectation? When you faith have in these expectations and when you didn't accomplish them; your faith will crumble. Do you have faith in God? Do you trust God? From the scripture that happened to Abraham, God proved his worthiness. He proved that he can be trusted. That faith with him will never ever make someone miserable and crumble in their knees. And so as goes to having faith in God, with Him, there is more absolute value because he is everlasting. But when you have faith in what you want, expect that they can fail you. God will never fail you.
He has proved his trustworthiness.. so have faith in him and surrender yourself to him...

Have trust. I have to believe and remind myself that God is with me. I might be alone right now and having tremendous hardships, I know He is with me. He will never forsake me.

After listening to the sermon, I have realized that God has always watched over me. It seemed like he intended me to mass yesterday with the right message for me. Also, even though Mama is gone, God gave me someone who is taking well care of me now. Someone who is helping be closer to God. Someone who is better than I expected and wanted. He gave me Cj.

It felt so good being home. It has been a while since I felt this peace. I know things wouldn't be easy but I know that I will never be alone like what God promised.

After the mass, I talked to Cj about what happened. I told him that I somewhat forgot to mention in my confession about going to another church... but he said that wasn't a sin. I guess it wasn't after all.

Around 8 in the evening, Cj and I did skype. I guess the peace and glow showed in my face and aura after going to the mass.

I was alone when I went to church but I know God and Mama is in presence. I was teary-eyed. It has been a while since I went to a Catholic Church. I felt home again. I came out better than I was when I came in.

I am Catholic. :)

* I wasn't able to take pictures but I promise myself that next time I will. Cj and I will go to St. Louis Parish when he goes back here in Maryland to visit me again.

No comments:

Post a Comment