Friday, May 21, 2010

Gone too soon. RIP: Hannah Rayos

Gone too soon. These three words describe how I feel about you leaving our physical world. Listening to this song just makes me sadder. The lyrics speak for itself. Hannah Rayos, you are "Born to amuse, to inspire, to delight." Hannah Rayos, you are not just a comet, a rainbow, a sunlight, a castle or a...perfect flower…... Hannah Rayos, you have been and will always be an angel to me.. to everyone... and now you are an angel of God. Gone too soon.


Hannah Rayos.

They made me believe in soul mates. I know you two will be together again.


Hannah and I were exchanging messages in Facebook. We were suppose to talk on the phone. But she was busy same as me. She sent a text that promised me that she will call me. She was supposed to call me yesterday.. but she never did. Today should have been a good day because it was Cj and I's first month celebration of our in-a-relationship-status. But it wasn't really a good day. We did not have an argument or something but it was losing a dear friend of mine that saddened my day. It was this morning that I knew the sad truth. Hannah passed away. She wasn't and wouldn't be able to call me anymore.

What if I was able to call you? What if we were able to see each other before you left? What if?! Too bad that I never had a chance to have a voice conversation with you or even see you in the last 4 years. I remember when you texted before you left for the states to bid a temporary goodbye but now this is a different goodbye - a really shocking and painful one.

I have always believed that Love and the happiness with it has an expiration. I am cynical about relationships. But somehow Hannah and Russ' love for each other made me take a better look at love. Look at their wedding site. They are just so in love. They look so perfect together. They are engaged and going to get married on August. They are going to live a happy happy life. They made me believe in soul mates (which before I think was just a topic I defined in a speech back in college). They have the perfect fairytale love story. I was like telling my brother, Cj and my friends here in Maryland about them and how marvelous their love is. But somehow I guess God has other plans for her.. for them. I will still believe in love. I know their love for each other is eternal. They are soul mates. Hannah and Russ will meet again and will be together eternally.

I don't want to ask why. I just have to trust the Lord and his Plan for the two of them and the rest of the people surrounding them.

Lord, please take care of Hannah. Give her a hug from me. And please watch over her family. Please let them know that you did what you did because of a certain reason.

Hannah, I love you. I will miss you.
I will forever remember and keep you in my heart.
Thank you for being a great friend to me.

"I am still at shock. I was suppose to talk to you last night and other night. Magchihikahan pa tayo. Bibisitahin pa kita diyan. What happened?! all i can do right now is cry and pray. I miss you hannah. I want to understand but I can't. I love you."
(My comment the moment I knew about the sad news)

*Photos are from Hannah's Facebook Account. Forgive me Hannah. I just can't help but grab some pictures from your profile.


Reply to Subject: Hey (From Cj)

I guess it is different talking about this sensitive stuff on IMs. I really understand you. It may not seem though but I do. I have also a different way of coping up with death and loss. Talk is cheap but I guess I am expected to seem more sensitive at this. I am not as religious as you are. I am not very intellectual regarding the Bible or the word of God. I still have a lot to learn on that aspect of life. But I am really willing to learn. I hope you can help me learn and grow in that aspect. Like what you said, for it is with God that we met and as such that we must include Him in our relationship.

Mom and I are like twins. We were inseperable. I was like her other half. So when she died, people were worried that I might crumble or be really depressed about it. But I didn't. Yes, people have always perceived me as the strong type after all the things I've been through. I have to admit that I am. My family admired me on how I dealt with the loss and how we are moving on. I was raised by my mom to be really strong and determined. I guess I just have a high tolerance for pain. I know where Mom is right now. And I am happy that she is in a place where she deserves to be - heaven, her happy place. She is dead but she will forever live my heart.

I believe that God has a master plan for everyone and everything. My mom's death is a testimony to that and as such each person/entity is a testimony to His plan. Death happens to everybody. Everyone dies. Everyone goes to that state. It is a fact of life. Some experience it early, some experience it later in their life. It is that attachment to the person who dies that makes it harder to accept that that person is gone. The body decays but the spirit lives on. It is what the person lives behind that makes the person immortal on earth. It is death that bridges one person to another universe way beyond the physical world that we have. A universe that can't be explained by our mere intelligence. I remember the show Joan of Arcadia regarding what I am saying.

By the way, what are your thoughts on karma and reincarnation?

What do you mean, 'when I mourn, I don't turn towards others'? It is saying that keeping the mourning to oneself. I believe some people tend to talk about a loss to others as a way to ease one's pain or to celebrate the life of the person who died. Talking to another person (not expecting an advice or sentiment) about a loss - in its plainest sense just having someone to listen is great way of comfort. I have the option to not talk to you about the aforementioned stuff but I think I should and I have to. So where I am heading with this? I just want to clarify that I wasn't expecting you to really comfort me. I kind of have the idea of how you deal with things. I have my own ways of coping up. I was just expecting a conversation. I guess I just blurted out words that are different from what I really meant. I have always thought about us discussing about these stuff wherein you will open something ideological or philosophical about things - in this case death. I guess we haven't 'talked' really that much. We still need to improve on how we converse. The IM's doesn't make up for the real things that we want/should talk about.

But with all these in mind, I am still grateful that we clarified what needs to be clarified, improve what needs to be improved and just having the willpower to work things out. About Patrick's situation, i really appreciate what you've shared. I know it may take a while for you to open things like those to me. But I'll be patient. And I am here for you. I am not just a girlfriend, I am also a friend. I want to serve a double purpose.:) We still have a lot of things to know about each other. I just want to know if you are in the same boat as mine regarding all these matters.

Have a great night. Take care on your way home. Or if you get to read this tomorrow, good morning.


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