Wednesday, February 27, 2013

when dependence becomes parasitism.

As I was at my second job, I saw my brother call me 5 times without leaving a voice mail. I wonder what he wants now. So I checked my Facebook. He messaged. He was asking me for money. Money that he says is reimbursement for the stuff my father brought from the Philippines.

I just felt anxious and mad. How can he be like this to me? I have sent enough money to cover all the expenses that would scope my father's departure. But I guess any money is not enough for a man who doesn't work to have money. I have already spent a lot this month. Aside from the money I gave him, I have paid for my father's ticket. I hate this notion of him that I just pick of money from trees so I can give it as charity? Hell no. I work. I work. I work.

He believes that I owe him a lot but I don't. I want to help and I can only help him for so long. He has to learn how to work. He has been unemployed for almost 7 years now and I have supported  him in the last 3 years. He also gets money from maternal grandparents' estate. That should be enough and if it isn't then he should work so he could have more money to spend. I am not even asking any of that money anyways.

He is asking to be petitioned here in the US? I doubt he can last here. The last thing I want is a parasite. I doubt he would take a meager job as a Walmart sales person or McDonald's crew especially since he didn't finish his engineering degree that my parent's funded with all their money. He wouldn't just take any type of work.

Some people have money some people don't. Some people are born with parents that can provide them with good education. My parents did that to my brother. They've spent a lot for my brother's education and then when it came to the point that I had to go to college there wasn't that much extra money for me. I didn't regret going to the University of the Philippines. I was happy and proud that I went to the most prestigious university in the Philippines and I just saved my parents great money.

What I don't understand is how my brother became a bum and dependent. He has a choice in life but he has to blame every situation or person he can. 

People have choices. 

When I moved to the US, there came a time I had to work 3 jobs to support myself and support my family in the Philippines. I had to work the lowest paying job I can find just to make money. I have to start somewhere right? I chose that route. I had choices - I can be selfish and don't care for my family or support my family. I chose to support my family.  I never regret that. I hope my mother is still alive so I can still give her the life she deserves.

But what pains me that most is that my brother doesn't respect me. He just bosses me around and tells me what to do. 

He even makes my college degree an big deal when we argue. He says that I am lucky because I finished college. I always said to him, I made a choice.

I am tired of feeling scared of him but at the same time there is a voice in my head that keeps on saying that he is my brother and that I should help him. I even feel that my late mother wants me to reach out and help my brother.  But I can't help a person who doesn't even want to help himself. 

How I can help him if he just going to get me bankrupt?

He is even asking me for $2000 for the probate of my grandmother's will. He is saying he needs it in 2 months and it will be reimbursed anyways. I doubt that or if it will be I want to ask for a contract. I also want to protect myself.  The last time I gave him something,  it never was used to what it was supposed to be used.

Also, a month ago he asked me to buy a land. I didn't have the money but he was still insisting that we buy it. I cannot just come up and pull my retirement and savings for something like that. He will be a co-owner if I bought that property.  I would hate that idea to have his name in the land title when he didn't even contribute anything.

He even wants to just sell my grandparents' properties. I guess he would just lavish himself with the money and do whatever he wants with it. I don't know. I might be wrong will all my assumptions but I am just not sure how I can trust him when he bullies me and treats me like I am not his sister.

 I don't care about the properties int he Philippines anymore. I would be fine if I don't go back. But he is my only connection of my 'family' there. I am thinking I still need something from the Philippines and he is the one that can do stuff for me. With my brother, everything has a price though.  What is family if your family wouldn't treat you like family. 

I pray and I hope that he would be enlightened and that I don't give up on him. I hope. I pray for my own sanity.

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